Thoughts / visions from the past breaking me down

[lewis1]

-I served as a police officer in the Met, 1975-1989. During my service I had to deal some really bad stuff. Part of my current problems are that I see three particular scenes constantly in my minds eye when I am awake, even when talking to people these scenario's are constant, plus I get flashing images or other incidents. Due to the nature of what I see, very gory, bad stuff' it is not easy to make people understand what is happening in my head. I use distraction, keeping busy with some hobbies I have, making wooden birds and other things for the garden out of recycled wood. Being creative and inventive helps me hold this stuff back but now and again it breaks through my thoughts like a thunderstorm. My last attack was the worst for a long time, I dread the next one and hope the team can help me. Just sharing my thoughts at the moment.

[hypercat54]

Hi nice to meet you. This sounds like PTSD to me. There is a forum on here especially for PTSD so it might help you to join that one as well.

[TangledUpIn in reply to hypercat54]

Bingo. That's what I thought too.

[hypercat54 in reply to TangledUpIn]

Great minds....

[b1b1b1]

There are treatments for PTSD. First, see if your former police department can offer you any help. I am sure you are not the only police officer suffering with this problem. If they cannot offer help or recommendations, then find a psychiatrist to work with. It is possible you will need medication as well.

Recently in the US this has become a major problem because of the many traumatized veterans returning from Iraq and Afghanistan.

It is a treatable problem and advances have been made in PTSD therapies. It is a very painful condition. Try to get on top of it as soon as you can.

[lewis1 in reply to b1b1b1]

I've had this problem for several years now and was or had reached a balance to deal with this but eventually defences wear thin, I do take meds but had kept them to a minimal. Thanks to you and oter members for help and advice, much appreciated,

[Rafiki11]

Thank you for your service. My husband is currently in law enforcement. He confided a couple of months ago that the reason he has trouble sleeping is that when he closes his eyes, he sees dead people.

You are not alone. You are not broken. What is happening to you is a normal response to traumatic experiences.

I would look into EMDR. It can be very helpful in teaching the brain that the past is over and finished. It files the memories away where they belong…in an old filing cabinet in the back of your brain.

[lewis1 in reply to Rafiki11]

I understand where you are coming from and thanks for the advice.

[lillyofthevalley37]

Hi Lewis nice to meet you we were watching a police programme the other night on BBC 1 it was excellent I must say and my daughter asked which I would rather had been a nurse or police I said they both come with possible awful situations and then I read your post , if that was me the way I would deal with a murder scene for example would be to focus on the fact the victim is in heaven now and their suffering is over , I also think you should try to attempt to leave your home if you are physically able a stroll to the park will help you connect to your community and see the bigger picture of life , good luck I'm sure you will get a good response on the pstd community

[lewis1 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Thank you for your kind words and advice. I have suffer this for quite few years and did take all the advice and courses they gave me including hypnotysm . Did well and worked for a time but then seemed to go back down again. So used the info they gave me and developed my own defences. After a time I cut down my attacks to about a couple a year. I should mention it was not just ptsd other issues as well. I can and do walk around the block (not far) walking my dog billie. I am always able to say good morning and hello to people but I have no close friends and do not go out unless to appt, do no t drink or smoke any more (another story). anyway do not want to bore you lillyofthevalley, thanks again.

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to lewis1]

Anytime - my dog Charlie is my best friend

[Jstbcuz]

First of all Thank you for your service. Secondly, in my opinion you are suffering from PTSD. If you haven't yet reached out to a therapist, I strongly encourage you to do so. The police dept you worked for should have someone who can direct you in the right direction. Please do this sooner than later. You should not have to suffer these flashbacks, feelings etc. You can get the help needed to help you cope. Reaching out for help is not a weakness, you will be surprised how much better you will feel in a very short time. Please take care of you.

[lovemydoggy]

PTSD can be rough, which is putting it ridiculously mildly. I have friends who have it either from military service, abuse as a child or one traumatic event. I'm sorry you're suffering from this. Have you tried EMDR? It can help a lot.

[Hidden]

I totally agree---PTSD! My advice/opinion is to talk about it with others. Do not suppress it because that may cause more harm than good.

I can understand what you are going through even though I was not a cop but I was a probation officer who had to write pre-sentence reports on felony offenders. I had to read the police reports on murder cases, sexual assaults, animal cruelty, and the like and it was very hard when there were pictures. I cried almost on a daily basis. When I had to interview the offenders, to hear why they did it or hear them deny it would make me so mad.

But I digress, it seems like you are keeping your mind busy doing activities that you enjoy; keep that up! When you have another attack remember to take deep breaths for maybe 10 seconds, ground yourself (find things and use your senses). Carry a small notebook and jot down how you're feeling and identify what might have triggered the attack. And relax. Sit down and think of something or someone that or who makes you happy. Imagine your perfect getaway spot. These are some ideas that may help you.

I wish you all the best and know you can overcome this. You are in charge!

[lewis1 in reply to Hidden]

My very sincere thanks for your words, opinion and suggestions, especially the note book. I think my problems were compounded more because at first and for a few years the Doctors I met missed the major issues I was dealing with in my head. Perhaps I did not explain myself well but in any case I think I could only get worse. Before I was diagnosed I had already had one attempt to end it all. But you are right and quite correct as to using my skills to fight back against all the bad stuff. I can understand your need to sometimes cry, I came close many times but I dealt with things the wrong way back then, you know, the male bravado thing.

I have already become positive with using my skills and plan to make more projects for the garden. You know it is surprising what a person can do with old wood, old paint tins and a good imagination.

If ever you get bored I will write and maybe send a pic or two. Thank you again.

[Hidden in reply to lewis1]

You are very welcome. I just hope that everything works out for you. Remember there is a silver lining.