I seem to always think of negative memories from my past or things I’ve done that have been so embarrassing that I’m not proud of.
I Can’t seem to just forget about these things and they periodically put me in bad moods.
how do you just forget about these things and just move forward?
it is really hard , someone told me recently , you have to work everyday to better yourself and work on letting go of those negative things in your past . What I can say is those memories are in the past you can’t go back but what you can do is always try to move forward each day taking small steps to better yourself .
also a person gave me this link for mediating that helped them and I want to start using , you can check it out if you would like , you can look up any topic anxiety , letting go of the past , depression , etc
insighttimer.com/baracalda/...
Did it play for you? Nothing on insighttimer works for me. (I'm on PC.)
it did play for me me , I’m using my phone so I’m not sure . maybe try using a different browser ?
I also have the app so maybe that helps also if that one does not work there are many others just search any topic and a plethora of different ones come up
I've been trying to use Kenneth Soares on Insight Timer, after seeing him recommended here. That won't play, your link won't either. I tried a different browser, nix. It's frustrating.
** Edit: No, I didn't. I don't know what the heck I'm doing. **
mmmmm what model/year of pc are you using ? I can look into it for you .
Uhh... It's a Dell. I don't remember how to find out the rest of the information.
alright from what I read using it on a pc there are less limited features to using it on a phone idk why maybe they just want you to get the app on your phone 🤷🏽♀️. Also if you can download apps on you computer you can try that .
I do appreciate all the advice, but I'm not holding up my end. No phone, no apps, no clue.
also are your browsing softwares all up to date ?
Uhm. If it happens automatically, I'm great. Otherwise, I don't have a clue.
Something's wrong for sure. Every few days, after I open up a web page, the screen turns black and doesn't respond to anything except, most of the time, CTRL + ALT + DEL. When it restarts, everything looks fuzzy until I turn the computer completely off and then on again.
As far as computers... "I know nuthing."
Thanks for trying to help.
no problem, and also sounds like your computer might be going 
I hope not. It's pretty new. I had a really hard time finding the kind I wanted.
perfect looks like I have access. I’ll give it a try.
I have access. This is great advice. Thank you
it was good, just tried it!
An old friend of mine once told me that, it could be hard at times, but thinking back, she always remember the bits of sweetness along the way. My interpretation is that, it is because her life is getting better, and she's happy now. A happy mind would tend to pick out the happy memories. For me, it's another story. I've been sad for a long time, and it seems that because I'm depressed at the moment, it is easier for me to relate to the previous unhappy experience. I think it is our current state of mind that chooses what memories to bring up. It sometimes feel like my mind is trying to search for reasons to justify our feelings at the moment. Even though both have happened.
For me, I would try to snap out of it when the past comes to haunt me. Try to live in the moment, do something that requires full focus and attention. For me, it is physical exercise, jigsaw puzzle, hanging out with friends, and collaborating with others in work. And get enough sleep, eat healthy, and do exercise. Physical state affects state of mind as well. I'm still figuring out the same, but these seem to work for me.
You're not alone❤️The wheel will turn. One of the days all of these will pass, and bits of happiness will reveal in what appears to be a dreadful period of time.
so wise so true that can happen
thank you for that advice ❤️
I understand where you are coming from because my past still haunts me as well. I would say my therapist has really helped me by listening to me and telling me that it’s in the past. That still doesn’t make it easy, I tend to not be able to forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made years ago. Is there someone you can talk to like a therapist? Recently a coworker of mine told me to write a note to myself and burn it after.
before I was going to a therapist but it started to get expensive and I felt I was not gaining anything from it . I do that sometimes burning notes just at times it can be really difficult for me to focus on the positive and just be fixated on the negative .
if a person has a bad fall from horse or traumatized......hardly against them ....to this non expert teacher......that it haunts them....what we usually try to do is give them 9 billon good goes........add sugar to the coffee when served pots of bitter........im no expert but if a friend of mine was plagued with trauma.......id listen and had all the sugar and cream to couter balance.......add all the Vit F (fun and good friends) and Vitamin Gt (good times) to help drown out the other............when horses or students have bad goes.........we rebuild and tons of postive experiences to rebuild their sense of confidence..........we competitors and coaches do the same thing with us.......start with things i have confidence and confidence builders and gradualy rebuild my self confidence.........thats what we do........im not expert with other areas.........and a dont allow naggy parents or spouses to join the lessons and harp on tiny things.......or parents who want to remind people fo things when they were 8 or 19 or.........just when u rebuid there self esteem........along comes these people........why they do that......
i do not know........antoher soapbox so ill stop..........main thing from an instructors point of view.......is we coaches are no less human and this is what we do..........and practice routine fun things and cut ourwleves some slack...........and stay away from the .......others.........whatever they are.............im tryng to rebulid this person and the last thing they need is some sideline expert whose never done nothign to harp on their spouse or kid or whoevers inthe lesson...............makes my blood totally boiil........
surround yourself with loyal freiends........who know we are all human.............add lots and lots of sugar and cream to life........is my laymans off the cuff answer.......
Thank you 😊
i was a caretaker........horses go for long walks and used to take people to movies and whatever.....make cakes birdhouses......i can share or confide in u.......i was benefiting too...........one guy used to sit on the porch on his swing and blow bubbles.........people used to come out from work and have squirt gun fights hosing down the cars......and blowng bubbles. with him...........i love to make comics ......with people here..........because with others it has to be high brow fine fine art or u know how people are..........shoot ......rice crispy treats are fun......some folks do fishing ties ......sure u know this but.......we all pull each other forward.....helping us forget the past.....is all im saying......this of all those militry guys.......man........fortunate are they to have some buddies who understand and they feel accepted ......and........others.......cut off an isolated.......which is really tough and why this place is so valuable........comics are hilarious for me and here..........dont have to be perfect or have a football cookout.........hey whatever works is all i care.......one guy had his room all disney stuff another .............and another............so what.......it was totally client oriented not.........per some authority which is usualy their answers.......or i worked the call lines..........same thing............hey.........hows it going ...........was a good job and many of the questions were like.........what has worked......what would u suggst to me.........those arent trick questions..........people doooo suffer......its not a judgement.......they dont need lectures or judgments or oror ..........more of a fellowship nature.........last thing i want is some yahoo lecrturig me either.........take care partner.........iif im ever insulting........i sure sure sure sure........dont mean to be.........take care partner.......
I never felt insulted , I liked you advice and I have found value in this community and the many people who have gave me valuable advice and have supported me .
tell me if im boring u or insulting or imposing.............not not meatn that way.......just sharing........what works for one person may or may not for another.........no big.........but plse.........dooooooo tell me if i bore u or impose........just.........sharing.......
no your not boring or imposing me , if for some reason I made you feel like that I apologize .
noooooo thats my history.......i bored all my students to death.....why i dont lke to share much actually.........just thought might be useful or encouraging for someone...........took me forver...to get going.........bombed for 33 years.......suddently the lights went on........ohhhhhhhhh i get it.......lol
take Care!!!
You cannot unring the bell of each bad memory….however you can change how you think about them.It’s the feelings rather than the thoughts that cause you the greatest pain….but the brain does not know the difference and lumps them together.If you cannot seek help from a trained counselor….try to work through things one at a time….by doing so…you remap your responses to a particular event.
Choose just one memory that bothers you slightly…not the really bad ones..….you have to start somewhere …these are easier to practice on….write down all the things you feel…you will notice most are negative thoughts, and these produce negative feelings…the idea is to reduce the negative feelings….change your perception of at least one thought…learning to let go of something also requires you not to REACT to it.
There is lots of material on the web that teaches you how to let go….David Hawkins
Is a good one….
audiobooks.com/audiobook/le...
Keep it simple….everything you remember and feel …resurfaces through your heart or mind…letting go…means you give that thought/memory a free get out of my mind pass…through forgiveness and non reaction…once you believe a thought has no more power or take up space…it’s easier to let it go.
Most memories belong in the trash can…only the ones that bring a smile or joy should remain….I wish there was a simple answer….I hope at least you find a simpler way to reduce some of these thoughts and feelings…best wishes.
Have you looked into EMDR therapy? It helps move active memories in your brain into the storage area of your brain. There are lots of videos on YouTube. And you can do it yourself by crossing your arms and tapping your shoulders.
what is that? Never heard of it
have never hear of it but I will definitely look into it .
Hello Poodlefanforlife
I hope you are fine today
some say that, to cancel a bad thing, we need 6 good things. This is the reason why it is always easier to remember bad than good events.
what about not leveling things ? After all, the day where - say - you broke your leg (the bad event) the weather was fine, one of the paramedic was cute, you laughed when the new doc needed help to make the x-ray work, you had a great breakfast, you kissed a friend/mom/ kid ...
I mean, and I know how hard it can be, try to counter balance bad things with a flow of good things
One last thing ; our brain is not really able, on the long term, to make a difference between what really occurred and what we imagine occured. This is called "created memory" and can be a real major issue for kids who were abused.
it can also be a great weapon when, as an adult, you can complete a bad thing with good things that happened, in your imagination, on that same day .
What do you think
Enjoy life as much as I enjoy having this is discussion with you
take care
Love from France,
thank you , I will try and keep trying to balance those negative things an abundance of positives .
They are bad memories and they will not completely go away. What you have to do is make lots of good memories to overpower them. You can't change the past but the future is more in your control.
Actually, if you want to decrease the charge that you get from painful memories, you have to revisit them over and over again, feeling, seeing hearing, etc. in full as if you were there again. Gradually, the pain from that charge will decrease until, while the memory still exists, by the time you are bored with it, it will not hurt you so much. You can tell it to another person if that helps but it is a long, repetitive process.
I know I have to face it , just sometimes it can be a lot for me to handle .
Start with something that isn't dreadfully painful to remember. It's hard to do on your own but you need a partner with a lot of patience.
yeah it's hard sometimes to let go the past. I've got a long list of regrets, things I did or didn't do I'm not proud of. Sometimes it hurts deeply but life goes on, the past is gone forever. Sometimes it's hard to understand that when it's gone it's but a thought of nothing. Time is an illusion and this moment is all there actually is, all will ever be.
EMDR helped me—via a therapist you take the trauma out of a memory. I have also done well with an art class at a local community college(never been an art guy prior—it has been helping).
I second the EMDR although my bad memories were from trauma and my EMDR was only successful when I worked with a therapist who specialized in treating trauma. My first EMDR was with a general therapist and wasn't effective.
I found you can't get rid of bad memories you can only change why you respond to them when they come up and the EMDR really helps take the emotional charge around them away so they no longer have an impact. It even allows you to reframe them if you want to.
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