Crumbling inside

[Shezza1]

I dont know where to start. I feel like it's me against the world. I've been on antidepressants for 7 years. I started on fluoxetine. Now I've been on mirtazapine 30mg for about 3 years. Just lately I've feel off my perch. I cant get a doc appointment and I'm having dark thoughts. I'm scared. I feel like I've got no one to talk to. I'm finding it hard to even write this. The constant butterflies and heart palpitations every time I leave to work. I'm so so low. Constantly crying all the time. I'm tired up of putting on a fake bravado in front of the kids and my co workers. I'm just so tired.

[Legna69]

I know exactly how you feel, In front of everyone you try to look like everything is perfect but inside you are dying. That is the story of my life, its tiring. I honestly don't know how long i will be able to do it but do as I do, just take it one day at a time.

[Shezza1 in reply to Legna69]

Do you ever feel like your days are running out??. I feel like I'm at rock bottom. I cant keep up with pretence for much longer

[Legna69 in reply to Shezza1]

Sometimes, right now I am holding on because of my son, he has bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I am at rock bottom. Because of my disorder I lost the man I love, I'm hoping that he will come back but doesnt look like that will happen because he got married at the spur of the moment and I have to deal with that also because he and his new wife also works with me. Imagine the crap I have to go through with that, and have to act like the world is perfect at work and at home I have to act as the strong mother for my son....Life sucks!

[Shezza1 in reply to Legna69]

You poor thing my heart goes out to you. I'm trying to be strong for my 4 children but it's so hard. I haven't got a partner either that boat sailed many moons ago. Reading about your problems mine seem so trivial now.

[Legna69]

Thanks, just taking it one day at a time, and trying to find a way to keep away from my ex because as much as he is "married" now we are still seeing each other because we cant keep away from each other and after explaining everything to him he keeps apologizing for being an idiot and acting before thinking.

[M4CC4]

Get in touch with 111 and say you can’t get a doctors appointment they might be able to help. My doctors are sometimes really hard to get an appointment with because you’ve got to ring at a certain time and sometimes the lines always busy. You shouldn’t have to feel like this and just know that everyone is always there for you and there are places were you can call just to talk to someone. I’ve just enrolled in a well-being college to talk to people about my anxiety, panic attacks and Emetophobia. I really hope you get help real soon because dark thoughts are the worst especially when you’ve got family x

[depressed_duck]

I am sorry to hear about how you feel. It's just terrible to feel that it's you against the world. Your responsibilities are such that they constantly pit you against every kind of obstacle. I cannot even start to imagine how you might be feeling.

This is just one depressed soul telling another: hold on. There are bigger achievements ahead. You might look back and see this struggle as a major victory. You are strong: you know it and it will guide you through.

Please know that it will take immense strength just to survive this. But your scars could some day be the trophies you might treasure.

I am on 45mg of Mirtazapine. So, could it be possible for your doctor to increase your dosage? Try reaching out as soon as possible. And ask if other antidepressants could help complement your existing medication.

Again, please hold on. I hope I could tell you this in person. Things will eventually change and you will outgrow your troubles. Till then, keep walking.