Broken Inside

[Meisie123]

I'm new here. So yeah, i feel like a douchebag... how could i possibly let my wife cheat on me, and then have the guy she did it with move in with us? I hate myself for this. I'm bi-polar type 1, and i cant seem to break the white knight syndrome that im pretty sure i have.

[Agora1]

Welcome Meisie123, I've just listened to a video on YouTube regarding

"The White Knight Syndrome and Nice Guy" by Dr. David Tian

Great video by a psychologist who suffered from this syndrome as well and

later choose to help his hundreds of clients from all over the world. It's apparently quite a

common issue with nice guys. He explains in detail, how this all comes about in life and

how you can address the problem.

I hope it is of some help to you. I'm glad you took the first step in getting help by coming onto

this forum. I will be learning with you. Good Luck xx

[Meisie123 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you Agora1 - i'll check out the video for sure.

[Agora1 in reply to Meisie123]

Remember, you are one of the nice guys. xx

[Meisie123 in reply to Agora1]

i just finished it, it was amazing. He seems quite assertive but i'm sure that has come from his own sense of self and caring about himself as opposed to being anything negative. I feel very empowered.

[Confidencelove124]

I’m sorry to hear about your wife cheating on you. I got cheated on too so I understand how it feels. You feel like you’ve been betrayed and lied to and think you will never trust anyone in a relationship anymore. You will get through this, and you will find someone who deserves you and won’t even think about cheating on you! Just know that it wasn’t your fault that she cheated on you. It was hers, that’s on her.

[13ga]

hi meisie, and welcome.

1st, i'd like to say - you did NOT let your wife cheat on you. SHE did that; and that's out of your control. at worst, you might not have been doing a good job communicating with one another, and if you want to take some blame for that - then go ahead. but don't take on the blame for her cheating on yourself. give yourself a break.

i see Agora1 gave you some info on WKS - that's new to me - i'll have to check it out. but from that - it sounds to me like you're a nice guy.

meisie - to have a good relationship - we must trust our partner. we can never know if our partner is trustworthy, unless we give that trust, and find it broken. anytime you give trust - you open yourself to being hurt. i commend you for taking that risk!! the pain part sucks for sure - but there's no hope of finding a truly blissful relationship, if we don't risk that pain. i'm sorry this one didn't work out - at least it's sounding like it's not going so great... i have no idea if that means it's dead... but the other guy moving in doesn't sound like it bodes well....

you must be a really amazing man to deal with this. i may be out of line for saying this - i don't know anything more than what youve given... but it sounds [to me] like you deserve a crap-a$$ load better!!!

seems to me there's alot of potential partners out there that would be more appreciative for someone with your ability to show compassion. there's got to be a give and take in a relationship. it can't be all 1-sided.

[Meisie123 in reply to 13ga]

Yeah thank you for everyone’s kind support. I found more dirt even though she claims nothing is still going on. She swore on her mother’s life, and she is the most important person in her life. She’s been having lunches with this asshole without considering how I would feel about it. I finally had the nerve to tell her off and demand a divorce, that’s when she swore on her mother’s life, which Is extremely surprising to have that reaction from her. I feel like the husband wife relationship has deteriorated beyond repair. I’ll still go to counseling if she ever gets that shit setup I did back down from the whole divorce thing but it felt super empowering to tell her I want a divorce. 💪🏻😀

[13ga in reply to Meisie123]

meisie -

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!

you should feel empowered - you stood up for yourself - pat yourself on the back, head, and ass - you told her you respect yourself enough, not to be treated like that!!!!! you should feel great - you deserve to feel great!!!!

based on what you've shared - i would agree that the relationship has deteriorated - ALOT. i commend you for being open to counseling.... but because you may have WKS - i think it would be wise if you questioned the wisdom of trying to save something that might not be worth saving. i can NOT pass judgement - i don't know anything beyond what you've shared. ONLY you can make this judgement - but it never hurts to think twice, and question evreything....

.

good job, meisie - keep going! keep defending yourself - keep standing up for yourself - do NOT let her disrespect you without consequences!!!!!

💪🏻😀💪🏻😀💪🏻😀

[teen_anxiety]

First of all welcome to the community. Secondly, your wife's cheating is not your fault or your problem it's hers. Third, your wife does not define your worth you do and those who care about you can help remind you when you forget. You are worth more than your weight in gold my friend and this trial is just pressing you to help you become the diamond you are do not allow anyone to dull your shine because you deserve it just as much as they do.

[Meisie123]

every day feels like i'm living groundhog day. i start off ok, and then by the time the afternoon/evening rolls around, i'm a complete emotional mess. i appreciate all the well wishers. you all have given me a new support system for which i am truly grateful. I just wish i knew what to do. We are planning on doing some therapy sometime soon. i dont want to be her fixer anymore, that can be the therapist's job. truly, i want to discover what the real version of me is, but i'm clueless. i dont know what i love to do anymore, beyond bowling. even that is starting to lose interest for me. and i loved the game. work has been extra challenging also. thank you for listening to me.

[Gentlespirit]

Please be patient and kind to yourself.