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[Oceandaze]

Hello. I’m new here. I just started trying to see a counselor again. 2 years ago I tried opening up but ended up lying when they asked the deeper questions. Does anyone else struggle opening up and trying to become a better you? I would like advice please.

[NoHoWarrior]

Welcome to the forum, Oceandaze. So glad you joined us.

I believe I know exactly what you mean. At times, I believe I withheld the full truth because I did not trust the person / therapist / psychiatrist / MD / ER Dr etc.

At other times, I was simply not ready to tell the secrets. I needed therapy to get me to a place where I could be fully honest.

And sometimes I just couldn't face the truth.

Please be patient with yourself and know you are not alone in your struggle.

I think it was my work with Shame that gave me the courage to be honest with the mental health professionals.... at least the ones I trusted.

I read all kinds of articles on Shame and watched Brene Brown on YouTube. They all helped me understand that the cure for shame is to expose that which I was ashamed about. Reveal my secrets. And it was really hard to do, but I did. And I felt so much better.

Now, that's not to say shame is behind your inability to be forthcoming with the truth. It is what I found to be true for myself. Your situation may be based in something entirely different.

Whatever it is, I encourage you to work on it. Ask yourself the tough questions about why you don't want to share. Really be honest with yourself. And if you find yourself judging yourself in the process, choose kindness towards yourself over harshness. Be patient and kind to yourself.

[Pugglesworth]

Hello and welcome.

In my humble opinion there is no 'better self'. There may be a 'true self' that we cover up due to years of indoctrination, but that is more of a spiritual discussion.

Opening up to a stranger or even a counselor you've known for years is tough. There are things that I haven't shared in counseling. I don't think therapy is about bettering myself. To me, it's about acceptance. Acceptance of who I am in all my broken misery. Acceptance of myself in all the goodness that I feel. Integrating these two halves: the half that doesn't want to budge and the half that wants to go leaping forward. Finding compromise. Balance. Learning the past no longer exists and the future hasn't occurred yet. Only now is happening. That's all I can affect. If my therapist isn't into that then I would find someone else. Someone who understands acceptance. Someone who has walked that path and feels comfortable in their own shoes. Someone who can look in the mirror and see beauty: warts, blemishes and all.

I don't know what a better me would look like and quite frankly I don't want to know. Acceptance of who we are is much harder, in my opinion, than painting over ourselves. And the paint will fade. And you'll be back to square one.

And that's what 'betterment' sounds like to me.

[JkBauer]

Good morning,Yes, lying is an easy way of getting out of avoiding the harder questions and conversations. There is a great bible verse that I have found to be very helpful. Joshua 1:9 Be strong and courageous, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. I hope this helps you.

[Midori]

Yes, I used to do this; or totally dissociate myself from it. I must have been a nightmare to the therapist!