Decision making

[Nxjajoaa]

Is it better to go home and be ostracised by your own family or is it better to live alone in a foreign country? Both options are painful. Either you go home and everything is fine for some weeks but then slowly everyone drifts apart and my parents will blame me for all issues because we aren't really that close. So even though I’ll be surrounded with people, I’ll be alone inside and hurt by their words. Or i can stay at my current location with my friend and not return home. My friend is working so I’ll be alone at the room most of the time and i will have a pet friend at least but not sure if i can live with her during the pandemic. Ps recently I’ve lost my boyfriend to suicide so I’m very disturbed and cannot take decisions properly. I dont know which decision will hurt less.

[Hidden]

Keep writing and communicating here. The support here can be great, but the more specifics the better for helping others to understand you and relate to what you are going through. I know the suicide is controlling your life and I can imagine it is all overwhelming. Keep up the work and communicate with those who care - those of us here.

[Hidden]

I made some dramatic changes in my Life several years ago and in a way I should have walked away the day I married, although for three years prior I was with my future Wife, I would still visit my family and relatives, all we used to get were curses and swearing, we both tolorated it from my twenties through to my sixty fifth birthday. It the attitude is rough in home you would be possibly better with your friend, although I do not know the dynamic of your family life. Only you know that and how close you are to snapping out at them.

I gather you do not work so before you decide you need to know where you are going to get the money for rent and food. Remember you get a pet, dog or cat you need to pay for them as well.

Leaving the country or state you live in now will be more of a problem and your Life will become more insular and being able to speak the language may be a further problem. Where you are now you will have differing levels of companionship you can call on when you are on edge.

Regards Covid, I do not know where you live and the restrictions you may need to follow, needless to say you may need to wait to move in with your friend, she works and you are going to be stuck inside most of the day, You will need to find out what you can or not do in this situation

BOB

[Nxjajoaa in reply to Hidden]

Language and all is no barrier cuz i can speak it and also money and all my parents will be funding, the pet dog also will be raised by my friend as its hers, i just need to be there to give company thats all. The only problem i will be facing if i stay back is that I’m scared i wont be able to move on if i keep being here. Cuz this place is filled with his memories. But if i go back home, everyone will keep blaming me and criticising me all the time. So I’m not sure what am i to do next.

[Hidden]

You know your reasoning for why you wish to do the things you explain so I feel you need to make informed choices because you will look back on this decision in the future and wonder if you had taken the correct action.

You mention your Partners Suicide, are they blaming you for that act and this is the main reason why you wish too move away or with a friend. When did all this happen and why your Parents Blame Game ?

BOB