Life passing me by

[dayafterday]

Does anyone have any advice about being a permanently disabled person with a girlfriend that's sick all the time and family you never see, with no friends how to stop feeling like day after day you are waiting to die?

[Enigma133]

I am in a similar condition, and totally understand how you feel. Unfortunately that means I dont know what to do to make it better. Are you able to qualify for disability? My chronic pain is undiagnosed, so people don't really believe there's anything seriously weong with me & tend to downplay my need for help. So I get none basically. Not even a sympathetic phone call ever.

I have slowly learned that I cant depend on help (or even a kind word) from anyone. It's hard, but I definitely have a serious survival instinct, because I keep pushing forward no matter what.

[Hidden]

Well for starters you said you are disabled and so work at adapting to your conditions. I know this sounds like I am saying just get over things but I am not. For example, I have issues with hyper vigilance and florescent lights in stores give me panic attacks. I need to go to the store to save money so I have to wear sunglasses inside at all times to help with the lights. Sometimes sound is a huge issue for me so I try to shop when there is less people so I can get done what I need to. Is this unfair, absolutely because we have to adapt to a world that is not built for us. That is unfair and you should be upset about it. But that is no reason to stop trying. So do what you need to for yourself and take care of your needs. Learn to work with your condition instead of letting it work against you.

With your girlfriend, I don't know what she has but two things are very important. One be emotionally supportive and do what you can but also make sure you have boundaries in place to protect yourself. You an easily get sucked into being a primary caretaker and if you can't handle that you shouldn't force yourself to do it. Be there for her but also be there for yourself as well. I know it sounds like I am saying be selfish and to a point I am but I don't mean it in a bad way. If you both start breaking down and end up deteriorating together then you both suffer more. If you take some time to help and you are in a better place then you can provide more comfort and be there in more practical ways. I hope this makes sense.

As for the last issue of friends and family, that is unfortunately only going to be solved by you putting yourself out there and doing things like joining groups or going out and meeting people at different places like book stores or something like that. I know COVID makes this difficult but there are online things you can try and look into. You can build a family out of friends and not all friends have to be super close and attentive. You need to parse out which people you want to be close with and work towards building that bond with them. Remember much like dating a friendship is a two way street as well. You both need to contribute to have any sort of framework for a deeper more meaningful connection. Know that this takes time and is not easy so if it doesn't happen right away don't beat yourself up. Take it from a man who is 28 and doesn't really have friends or anyone to talk to either. It's difficult and it will take time so in this regard all you can do is put yourself out there, be patient, and be yourself above all else.