My soul is tired.

[gilded_masquerade]

Hi.

I have been debating posting anything at all today but here I am.

I haven’t been doing well mentally lately and last night really didn’t help by any stretch. This is the lowest I’ve felt in a while. I’ve tried doing things, anything to get my mind off of it today but nothing is working so I’m just sitting on my bed, feeling numb like I have for the majority of the day.

I was doing pretty well until the last two weeks and last night was a metaphorical nail in the coffin for me, now I just feel like my existence is pointless. Not just because of what happened last night (which I’m not mentioning here because there’s no point at all) but also because of others things I haven’t really expressed to anyone else which I again won’t be mentioning here.

It’s funny. I grew up wanting to help people, wanting to get a job in that particular field and it’s ironic that I can do that (but very poorly) but not even help myself. If I can’t do that then what makes me think I’m capable of helping anyone else? In any case, I’m not good at either.

I think I’m going to take a break from posting here and I’m not sure when I’ll be back honestly. I’m also going to try limiting my time on social media but it’s hard when all my friends live in the city and I live in the sticks so, we’ll see how that goes.

Please don’t message me, I’m not really up for talking right now. Comments are welcome but I’m not guaranteeing replies. I just don’t want my mood and mindset rubbing off onto anyone else but I figured I’d at least check in and inform anyone who for whatever reasons decided to follow me to begin with.

I’m not doing well, but I’m hoping I’ll get better although that hopeful light seems dim right now.

As hypocritical as it is for me to say, please take care of yourselves, I sincerely mean it.

I’ll be back eventually.

[Alwalc]

Hi, I hear you. You are never alone. No response neccessary, but I'm really struggling too, I understand. That's what this community is about. Take care! Here to chat, if itll help

[Fruitsofspirit]

Understanding. Hugs

[EndUser13]

When we're at our lowest outside commentary can easily seem annoying, so please take what I say as someone else's perspective, not judgment.

I don't think it's hypocritical to feel awful and wish others well, it's sweet and inspiring that despite feeling as bad as you do right now, you're able to consider other's feelings and hope they don't feel like you do.

It may seem ironic that you could be decent at caring for others but not so great at caring for yourself. People who have struggled with more in life tend to have a greater sense of empathy for others because they can understand how miserable it can be to just try to make it through another day in a world that can often seem too dark. It's ironic how so often people can give great advice to others and make a meaningful impact, but be unable to take their own advice. I've helped people calm down from panic attacks before by telling them (in part) what I might want to hear but when I am in the midst of intense fear, I question whether what I'm saying has any real merit to it.

I can't know your personal experiences on social media but it might be a good thing to take a step back, everything has become so political and ignorant. People can say the ugliest things with no understanding or reprisal. I'm sure you need the opposite of such negativity, today of all days.

There have been far too many days where I felt really low and I didn't know how I was going to make it or why I should ever bother. So many times I held on and eventually did find something great in life and it ended up being well worth hanging in there for it.

Not every day can be a huge win. The silver lining to that is that not every day can be purely awful or numb. I hope tomorrow is kinder to you and in the meantime, I hope you can give yourself a break from expectations and find something enjoyable or at least better than what you might expect to see right now.

[Opportunity]

I support you if you stay; I support you if you go. 🌸I would like to leave you with a magical mystical crash course in mental health. 🔮There are only three things in the world: your thoughts, your feelings, and external reality. Think about it and you’ll see there’s nothing else. Everything in the universe fits into one of those buckets. Your foot is external reality. My words are external reality. Thoughts, Feelings, and External Reality are all there is. Each one of those three has its own rules, and you can control certain things but not others. You can control whether you stay or go, and that’s part of your external reality. You can decide whether to look at and name your feelings about what has happened (last night’s event, for example). That’s feelings. And you can decide what to focus your attention on. That’s thoughts. Our best mental health comes from understanding those three buckets and how they work together, where they are separate, and learning what you can and can’t control. I think (thought) and hope (feeling) that you have the capability of helping yourself and others, because I’ve seen your posts (external reality) and they were insightful. 🔮

[Marshall64]

Hopefully you get to start feeling better and will be back soon. I enjoy reading your posts. I think we joined this forum around the same time.

I get how you feel. I have felt the same way. That is what I like about the forum, it is one place where people understand depression and anxiety. Some of the "normies" don't understand...

[JohnPB]

Doing what you need to take care of yourself is a good thing. Too much media can be draining.