Hello all. I think this forum probably helps many people. You all deserve love and respect.
I have suffered from anxiety and depression for probably 30 years. I was on Effexor for about 10 years with my anxiety somewhat under control. I tried to wean myself off the Effexor a few months ago and now I’m suffering severe anxiety I’m going back on the Effexor but I feel so much shame and regret for all the years I never measured up to all the people around me. I have many things to be happy for but my anxiety is so bad right now I just can’t see them....
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Westernpadad
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Welcome, Westernpadad! There are plenty of people here with all kinds of shames and regrets and a temporary inability to see our good parts. We’re all on various journeys to discover how to heal and move on. A lot of times, the shame really isn’t deserved. Sometimes, we don’t realize how much the toxic people around us have shamed us into a shame spiral. Take, for example, the insidious nature of narcissistic abuse. Once you’ve experienced that, life is never the same. The only path is forward where you understand it and heal by recognizing it and guarding yourself against it.
This site has helped me get unstuck and has offered some much-needed perspective. I hope this site helps you too!! You can be so very proud of taking the step of reaching out!! 😀
Thank you for responding and caring. I’m trying really hard to stay positive but i I can’t even really eat much right now I’m so anxious.....I feel so much sadness and fogginess.
I know the feeling. Quick question: do you suffer from seasonal allergies? I just learned that the inflammation from allergies can cause depression/anxiety. The pollen counts right now in some parts of the country are sky high. If this anxiety, sadness, and fogginess came on in the Spring after a time when you were feeling good, you may want to consider this possibility. An allergy medicine might help, is what I’m saying. But do your research of course.
I can relate Westernpadad...there were many years stolen from my life due to anxiety.
Ashamed? Never,,,, Regrets? Doesn't help to regret the past. Alone in this journey?..Definitely a yes because both friends and family didn't understand.
But you know what my friend? It made me the stronger person I am today because of all these things. I will never allow myself to lean on others since they weren't there when I did need them. We all have the strength within ourselves if we look hard enough.
Like you I had many things to be happy about but when anxiety clouds the picture we only
see that. We need to put on our rose colored glasses and look outside our "Black Dot"
If you get a chance, please take a look at my profile. There was a post regarding an
assignment by a Professor focusing on a small black dot on a 9 x 11 piece of paper.
We're here to help each other through our own learning experiences on this journey with
mental health. We take what may help us and disregard the rest. This is how we find options
in what may just be the "key" to solving our own issues.
You're going to be okay. You've just taken a new path that can help lead you in finding that
First off, stop being so hard on yourself. You have a medical problem (mental illness) and there is nothing to be ashamed of. I was on Effexor years ago and found it was only marginally helpful to me. There are other meds out there and perhaps you could talk with your doctor about those options. Its never a good idea to abruptly stop taking meds unless advised to do so by your doctor. Have you done counseling? CBT for anxiety and depression does work, but you have to put in the effort. Also, if you are able, doing some physical excersise each day helps. Even if its a short walk. And lastly I believe we are all children of God and he is always ready, willing and able to help us, no matter the circumstances. I will say a prayer for you and hope your symptoms improve soon. Peace!
Thank you jp8810 for all the advice. I’m only this hard on myself when I’m this down. I do exercise frequently..... even more lately while anxious. I haven’t tried cbt but I think I should..... the Effexor actually does work for me....I should not have stopped taking it....
There is no shame whatsoever in going back on Effexor. It’s what you need right now. As for not measuring up to others I have felt that way at times myself. But I keep trying to remind myself that this is my path and I have to navigate it just as others have to navigate theirs. We can guess that they have had it better than us but there is no way to compare and no need to do it. What we have come through to get to today is nothing short of amazing. Once we really accept that we can move ahead with our lives without the regret and shame that have been weighing us down for so long.
I have suffered from anxiety and depression for three decades too. The anti depresents does not work for me any more. And i tried ECT and ketamine iv. Nothing helped, only now a small dose of doxepin 3mg help me to sleep and a multivitamine b100 helped me come out of anxity. However, some days i cant sleep and i suffer from anxiety those days. Depression with anxiety is worst disease in the world and i have no words to explain the suffering from this mental illness.
Hang in there Westernpadad. I think Hidden might be on to something with the allergies connection. I know things have been a little tougher for me and the best correlation to it has been pollen season.Having said that, learning to forgive yourself is a tough thing. I struggle with it for sure. But when we become our own biggest doubters/challengers the road to equilibrium becomes so much harder. We've got enough people dumping extra burdens on us already; for my part, I try and not be one more of that crowd to my self.
Thank you SirGrits.....I also think Hidden might have something there....I do indeed have seasonal allergies to tree pollen.....in my case I had been successfully off my meds for nearly a year without much anxiety.....a sudden work event (ransomware anyone?) triggered my anxiety and now I feel pretty low.....I am lucky to have a supportive and understanding wife.....I have made many, many mistakes in life and missed many opportunities...but I am trying to forgive myself and move on....again thanks to everyone to replied to me it helps to know I am not alone.....I'm not an overly emotional guy (normally) but I wish everyone peace and relaxation.....you don't know what you've got until it's gone...
I can relate to your shame about not measuring up. I find if I make progress toward a goal each day it improves my self-esteem, and removes the concerns around not measuring up. Life is very short and self-nuturing for me requires that I call upon my gentle parental voice, because that's what the fearful kid in me requires.
I love this. The gentle parental voice is so vital to our well-being. I had to get training and teaching to find mine. I’m glad you have yours too, and mentioned it here. 😀
Thanks Bodee. I do have alot to be thankful for - two healthy kids and a supportive wife.
And a job....that I mostly like but does have alot of stress associated with it. Mostly my recent severe bout with anxiety has forced me to once again look back on my life and see that I've medicated with alcohol (mostly) for most of my adult life. Most of my regrets are tied to alcohol related events......did I mention this site anonymity is great?
I have only one way to go....up.....I HAVE to get better. I'm not going to waste the rest of my life like I mostly have the beginning and middle.....
At the beginning of your latest post you mention your children and wife. It sounds like you have good relationships with them. You also say you have a job you mostly enjoy. Check and check.
I don’t know anything about alcoholism, other than there’s help out there for it. I hope you look into that. You mentioned not measuring up and wasting your life, despite having a wonderful family? Curious and curiouser. It sounds like you may be not firmly rooted to your own life, and are instead washed away by waves of comparing yourself to others. Is that possible? Could it be life is great, until Bob from Accounting shows you pictures of his boat? Now you feel anxiety and depression? And then Jane from Human Resources tells you about her party you weren’t invited to and now you feel even worse? That kind of thing? (Welcome to my life)
Or, do you feel like you’ve spent so much of your life trying to do for others that you now are trying to figure out how to do you?
It’s an interesting place to be, as I can tell you’re determined to overcome your current struggles.
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xx
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