I feel am a burden and tired

[Writerhart87]

Hi,

I’m not sure how this site even works but I’m hoping the find support from people who understand how hard is to have fight everyday to stay here on this earth .

I’m 34, with major depressive disorder and severe general anxiety. I have attempted suicide in the past ( a couple of times ) and have currently been in treatment since 2019. I have weekly therapy appointments, a monthly psychiatrist appointment, and am on the highest dosage prescribed for daily use of fluoxetine ( Prozac 80 mg) and hydroxyzine hcl 25 mg.

I have a small but great family, with an awesome kid and hubby.

But...I have no friends. I did, but when I sought help for my last suicide attempts, it’s as if I lost everything in order to still be here.

I want to live but I’m scared I won’t survive this. I feel overwhelmed trying to go forward. The burden I feel I am to my family is getting to me. I’m a shell of a person . I am so tired of having to fight this and scared I won’t win.

So I’m making this, not even sure if anyone will read or see this. Hoping maybe others can be a extra source of support and Vice versa.

I’m tired and scared of thinking I’m not worthy enough to be here

[bytesized]

Hey, I've had my dark moments in the past. I wanna say, that I got a lot better with enough time, and processing. So keep at it. You said you got a great small family, a great hubby and a great kid. Think about what you do have, and treasure them close to your heart. When I was having really bad suicidal thoughts, I would think of the people who would miss me. And that helped me fight a little harder. You know? I had so little esteem in myself, but I might as well fight for them, if not for me.

Keep fighting. You're in a dark tunnel right now, you're wandering through life, struggling. If you keep at it, you'll find respite, and light. You got a lot of life ahead of you. That's a lot of potential for happiness, joy, sadness, and all sorts of experiences.

And one more thing. I, too, felt like I wasn't worthy at a time. But let me tell you, I was wrong, and I know that you're wrong too, if you think you're not worthy. Everyone is worthy of care and compassion. And welcome to the forum.

[Writerhart87 in reply to bytesized]

It does feel like a tunnel and I can see that the light is so close, but I truly feel I am scared to walk towards it. I’ve existed for so long, and I never knew how sick I was until I started psychiatric care. Your post truly gave me goosebumps.

[Joeyman]

Hello friend, I am sorry that you have to go through these difficulties in life. Life is like a story. We are one of many characters, whose roles we take on. There are no same characters but there are similar ones. We all suffer in different ways but we must move forward. I too have mental health issues and I feel a lot of the things that you feel. I too am on medication and meet with a mental health expert. Rest assured, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

[Writerhart87 in reply to Joeyman]

Hey friend !

I love that you equate life to a story. I wrote that down on my mantra board of positive affirmations I had made in therapy . I will start saying that to myself .

[Hidden]

You’re in the right room. LOL! I’m glad you’re here. It’s true, there may be no person in real life that you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with. You’re not alone here in that! But you can talk here. And I hope you do! 🦋🌈

[Writerhart87 in reply to Hidden]

I’m glad I’m in the right room !!! Thank you for helping me see I’m not alone ❤️

[Writerhart87]

Thank you all so much . I’m a blubbering crying mess reading these responses.

I feel seen and not as alone as I’ve felt.

I went back and forth for a few weeks about if I should find a support group. Worried if anyone would see my post if I did join.

So, thank you for letting me feel not so invisible and alone

[Help_Me_Please]

You’re not alone. I’m going through alot myself but after reading your post felt the need to respond and let you know that you are not alone. I liked what some of the others have said to focus on the good, however I know its hard to do at time yet it seems the only best way forward.

[CoderMom]

You are worth fighting for! You were put on earth for a reason. Follow your talents and gifts and help others. Helping others helps you take the focus off of your issues for a while and allows to you benefit others. Also I would suggest talking with a counselor.