Imposter Syndrome

[MaceyM00]

Has anyone heard of this? I experienced this in my current position and had a "nervous breakdown" because of it and had to take time off of work. Well now it's time to go back (next Monday), and I am terrified that it will be just as before I left and I'll be put in the same position.

I'm not sure what I should tell my boss when coming back. Do I say that I'm unable to perform my job and take the chance or losing it? Do I wait for him to put something on the calendar and wait for his response? I can't quit my job and quite frankly don't believe I should have to, but I can't continue in the same capacity as I was doing before I took time off of work.

I'm trying to be "strong" and just power through this fear but of course all of us know on here that just isn't really possible when dealing with mental illness. My anxiety is so high and depression is bringing me down as well. I have to take Gabapentin to even make it through the day when not working. What will I do when I have to "perform"?

What I need is someone to tell me it's all going to be ok to help quell that overwhelming anxiety I'm feeling but I know that isn't something that can happen. How do I make it back into the workforce without feeling humiliated and like an imposter?

[Broken1971]

HiI think I have this too. I have a cycle where I can hold s job for a few years and then I burn out, have a breakdown and have to leave. It's terrible. I haven't worked for several years now. I don't feel like I am any better and I'm afraid I won't be able to handle the job. The Work has never been the problem...it's the office politics, certain people that make things difficult. As educated and experienced as I am I've never felt like I belonged anywhere or was appreciated or respected. It could be in my head.

I'm trying to come up with some type of employment that will allow me to duck out if I'm having a bad...where I can properly take care of myself. Does your job offer Family Leave (FMLA)? That might help.

I don't know if this helps...all I know is that you have to take care of yourself and believe in yourself (I'm working on that too). Good luck!

[13ga]

hi again macey;

imposter syndrome is real. but what it is - is basically a loss of self confidence.

macey - if you were competent before - you're still competent now!!! i guarantee. for whatever reason - and it doesn't matter - you've lost some self confidence. i have too. but i KNOW i haven't. i simply fear that i have, and that fear is what holds me back. i know i'm just as competent, and i KNOW you are too.

you may rightly call me a hypocrite for saying this - but it doesn't make the statement less true. don't let fear hold you back; and don't use fear as an excuse to not try. the only real failure there ever is - is not trying!! and you can take that from someone that knows failure!!!

[MaceyM00 in reply to 13ga]

13ga! I know you are so right and yes, it is fear that is holding me back. I have those fleeting moments when I KNOW I am competent and can do what they are asking for me but my fear takes over and I shy away from doing what is necessary to get things done!

I'm not sure how to overcome that fear as I've been afraid the majority of my life. Should I just go for it and fail if that is what happens? I'm not sure how to proceed. I just want to concur this fear so that I can move forward in my life and get some self-confidence back but things just keep happening that push me back. I feel like such a loser sometimes it's incredible. I keep a journal which helps to keep the anxiety at bay but when I'm at work it just overcomes me.

I'm not sure how to move forward.

[13ga in reply to MaceyM00]

macey...

again - this may be a bit hypocritical for me to say - but i do know it's the right answer.

the only way forward - is forward. the past is gone, and we can't change history. the only way to re-built self-confidence is to try and succeed. but we learn little from successes. the best way to learn is from failure; and you only REALLY fail, if you fail to try - because THERE IS NOTHING TO LEARN FROM NOT TRYING!!!!

so - might you fail if you try - possibly. but that's a learning opportunity - and more importantly - YOU SUCCEEDED IN TRYING!!!!! that builds confidence too! maybe not as much as success - but every little bit counts.

not trying only deepens the hole we've made for ourselves - and takes us no where.

fear is our greatest enemy. not trying only empowers the fear. and the fear of failing - is always worse than failing. failing - can be rectified by learning. fear of failing only fuels itself, and not trying.

the only way forward - is - forward!