I am not able to move on from my last relationship I know he don’t feel anything for me but am not ready to accept it don’t know how to deal

[Assh_25]

How can I forget him ? I know he is not worthy but iam not ready to accept it and these is getting so messy i still talk to him I don’t why? I don’t know what to do

[Agora1]

Assh_25, Welcome to this site.

Love yourself enough in not allowing anyone to treat you badly.

Rather than your own emotions, think more about how he feels about

you each time you are tempted to call him. Think of him as someone who

doesn't care about your feelings or respect you as a beautiful human being.

When someone steals our heart, it takes time to forget but not as long if you

concentrate on the negatives of your relationship. It takes 2 people to be happy in

one. If it's only one sided, it's like knocking on a door knowing no one is home.

You are worth so much more dear. You deserve so much more. I'm glad you are

here with us. We may not be able to help you forget, until you are ready. However,

we can support you through this hurt because we truly care about you xx

[Assh_25 in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for support!! I think it will help me i know thinking about him all the time is not worthy !! And i am trying from last 4months to forget him but its not happening !! Wish he never dated me !!

[Hidden]

Any time you start to romanticize him remember the times he did not treat you well. Try to reconnect with some of your female friends, I know when I'm in a relationship sometimes I tend to neglect some of my female friendships and I feel bad about that. And stay away from reading stupid romance novels and all that 50 shades of grey bs. You deserve to be treated like a queen, do not suffer fools!!! Listen to Express Yourself by Madonna or something like that.💖

[bytesized]

Hello Assh!

I recently had a really bad relationship with a girl. I realized that over the course of the many months we were together, I had ended up entirely defining myself by what she thought of me, and I had spent literally the entirety of my free time over those months tending entirely to her needs and wants (and my needs and wants were being disregarded).

What finally helped me to end things with her, was to realize that she was not good for me. She was hurting me a lot. She made me feel like trash. I started to think about all of the things that she did that I didn't like. When I realized that, I then had to realize that I wanted to take care of myself, and stand up for myself. I would say that step 1, is to realize that you value yourself. When you value yourself, then you are able to stand up for yourself and decide that you're gonna do what's necessary to make sure you feel good again.

So I ended things, but I kept on thinking about her, and I didn't know what to do, especially since everything I had done was with her for the last few months. I didn't know what to do, so i ended up still spending time with her. But this was really bad, because it would always make me feel horrible. So the next step, is to figure out how to distance yourself from them.

After getting enough distance from her, I then had to figure out how to take care of myself again. It was kinda hard at first. But i remembered what I liked doing, and i started to do that again. I reached out to some old friends which I had neglected a little, and I started spending time with them. I realized that I had changed a lot about myself in order to try to please this girl, and I had to get in tune with myself again. Once I did that, I still thought about her sometimes, and I still missed her. But I was able to live life again, and take care of myself. After a few weeks, I was finally able to get over her.

Hope this helps, and good luck!

[Assh_25 in reply to bytesized]

Thanks for your help and i will always remember how much important i am for myself

[Hidden]

This one took me a long time. I finally moved on after recent deliberate verbal cruelty (targeted, he knew exactly how to hurt me) after I got it together enough to ask him not to gossip about me, but rather, to ask me directly if he had questions. Getting caught being petty like that produced such a cruel response that I was able to let go, and after two horrific days I suddenly, finally realized that even with the sadness, I feel so much better and freer without walking on eggshells. I should have known it years ago. It took til last week to make the decision that was surprisingly freeing. I WISH I'd had it together to do it sooner. You'll do what you need to when you are ready. I'm sorry it hurts so much.

[Assh_25 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the advice it means alot to me!

[Assh_25]

Thanks all of you !! For your advices !! I have one more problem regarding to these I don’t even know why he broke up with me and whenever i ask him about these he usually try avoid me !! I really want to know why he do these to me but I don’t know how!! Because if can’t able to find out these than it will disturb me mentally!!

[Hidden]

I am currently in the same situation with my ex. I don't know how to deal with it or move on either. The hard part for me was the fact that she wasn't bad to me at first. And the reasons why she ended up abusing me and neglecting me were complicated but not because that is who she really is, it was who she allowed herself to become. And that still messes with me. But that is the problem. I am sad over what could have been not what actually was. I can't get my brain to make that connection though, so I end up ruminating on everything, over and over again which isn't helping me. My only advise, as I am currently working through this, is to forgive yourself for still caring. And forgive yourself for not being able to let go. I personally don't like it when people tell me that I should be happy that I got out, or that I should feel good that this toxic person is out of my life. It makes me feel bad because I do still care for this person, there is actual genuine love still, and it's like there is something wrong with me for still having those feelings. And those feelings are normal. Many people once they leave a relationship good or bad still have feelings for the person they left. So don't feel bad if you still have those feelings. Let them come and feel them but let them go as well. Do your best to remember reality. I find myself missing my ex and playing scenes in my head of the times we were happy. But the problem was, even during those happy times, I was miserable because of what she was doing. I know it's so hard but we both have to work on really seeing things as they were and not as we wished for them to be. Also, remember that you are not responsible for another persons actions. They made a choice and need to be held accountable for that choice. Those actions are not a reflection upon you but they are instead a reflection on the other person. Someone told me this recently and it made me see things a little differently and did help me to sort out some of the mess I went through. For example, my ex used what is called reactive abuse against me. She would abuse me, I would get angry and do something like yell, she would then use my yelling to paint me as the villain and act like I was the one who was being unreasonable and hurtful when she abused me. I didn't like it and so I reacted hence the name reactive abuse. The person uses your reaction to make you look crazy. It took me a very long time to realize this and to see it and fully accept it because it seemed like she wasn't doing anything wrong but that was simply not true and even though I knew it, I still couldn't convince myself of it. So remember that another person actions or what they say does not reflect who you really are. Practice self care as well. You need to support yourself and do what you can to help yourself right now. So take some time and cater to your own needs. Moving on isn't easy and there is no set time that it has to happen. For some it happens quickly for others it happens over time as they heal. Both are okay, it's how you process and handle things that is important. Don't focus so much on the time frame focus on you and making you the best you that you can be.

[Assh_25 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks alot I know how it’s feel I hope both of us can deal with it as soon as possible

[Hidden in reply to Assh_25]

Agreed but as I said there is no set time limit. It could take a long time or a short time and either way is okay. Make sure to be compassionate with yourself no matter which one it is.

[Assh_25 in reply to Hidden]

I will if u know more about me u can read mu bio my whole story is there i hope u will read. All of u can read if u want

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Hidden]

It did me some good to know I am not the only one who has experienced what you called "reactive abuse". I found a great article and boy did I recognize what I live with. Thank you.

[Hidden in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Yes. it's a severe form or gaslighting that is hard to spot if you don't know what is going on. Because of course if the other person is acting cool calm and collected around others and you are the one upset and "reacting" then other people think you are crazy. The abuser also doesn't do anything that seems bad at first either, or they do something that is hard to explain why it's abusive. For example my ex would literally ignore what was happening with us. She would pretend that all the hurtful things she had done to me never happened and that everything was fine. She would also try and make thing go back to how they were, which involved me caring for her and being the "perfect boyfriend" while she continued to use me without consequence. In doing this if I mentioned that I was unhappy or upset, peacefully I might add, she would then get annoyed or play the victim to make me feel bad for saying I was upset. On top of the fact that she was essentially telling me my feelings and hurt didn't matter to her. On the surface it looks as though she is just not doing anything and I am yelling for no reason But dig deeper and you find that it's not the case and you find that you are not so crazy after all. Some people do this on purpose. Narcissists do this to control you. Some do it without realizing it because they are so obsessed with their own pain and hurt that they literally can't see what they did wrong. My ex falls into both of these categories. But more people should be aware because it really does mess with your head and make you think you are the one who is the problem when that is just simply not the case. I thought I was crazy for a long time and refused to tell people what I was experiencing because I didn't even know what was going on. I just knew that I was being lied about and didn't feel safe enough to talk to anyone about it. It made me think I was the one who was the problem. Something I still struggle with to this day.

[Brighterdaysahead]

Hello Assh

I am going through this and it’s driving me nuts...Me and my ex partner was together 8years but friends for 20 years before we got together...The relationship had been on and off for over 12month then in December after losing his Dad he decided to cut me off all together...No explanation just blocked me on everything...It was the worse time ever and sent me into a downward spiral 🥲...My mind was still is in overdrive/creating Scenarios...Everyone one is different he can keep himself occupied but am I stewer i have it in my head now he would only block me if he’s found someone new and this is what I can’t get past...I am talking to a therapist next wk so I pray she can help me move forward...Hope you can find some peace also..💕

[Assh_25 in reply to Brighterdaysahead]

Best of luck for your therapist session

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Remember that accepting that it happened does not mean approval. It is just recognizing the facts. You have to go through the stages of grief. You have only begun.

[Gentlespirit]

What makes him not worthy?

[Gentlespirit]

Take your time and we will help you as you heal and when your ready you will understand . Develop boundaries.

[Gentlespirit]

Do you know who you are and what you needs are? Take care of your self too. Grieving is a process and you may have to go through a stages several times before you can move.

[moxond]

Sorry to hear on a self perspective it can being hard to adjust feelings can be subjective to self empathy or torment picking the pieces to a broken relationship not all ways easy depending on reasonings if all options have being exhausted of May be counselling can help repair self assurances or moving on building new agenda and setting new realities to self composure and options of reality or intentions getting adversity from family or friends close companions to help east through the moments and reclaiming self respect with more meaniful occupations

[Kiapo450]

I felt the exact same way two years ago. I’m better, taking an antidepressant and found a wonderful therapist and I still after2 years think about home every day but, I have resolved my demons.