Help with others depression

[Nolen42]

Looking for help living with someone with depression and anxiety. I fail in compassion and empathy as if I’m void of emotions for others... I would like to learn how to be more kind, caring, and catering.

[Agora1]

Hi Nolen42... it might help reading up about mental health issues such as anxiety/depression.

As for learning how to be more kind, caring and catering when you are void of emotions for others, I don't think it's possible. I've known people who feel no empathy towards other's suffering. I've actually had them say "they just don't care".

Maybe someone else has a more positive advice for you. Mental Health is a difficult issue

to understand to begin with. You're not alone in how you feel xx

[Nolen42 in reply to Agora1]

Reading about is helpful, but the answers seem generic and “too easy”.

Are you saying that it’s impossible to become more empathetic or that it’s impossible to not be void of feelings towards others?

[Agora1 in reply to Nolen42]

That comes from my own experience with family and friends who preferred not to believe the emotional pain I suffered. I've been put down, laughed at, ridiculed and yelled at in my life.

I really hope you find it in your heart to change your ways. Personally, I've never

seen it happen. If you do find the help you are looking for, I will be the first to apologize to you. It will restore my faith in people once more. My best to you xx

[Nolen42 in reply to Agora1]

At least I’m trying.

You believing that I am hopeless in being able to change is like saying everyone here is hapless to be able to change also.

I’m being genuine in my search for some advice, I hope you give others more positive and uplifting messages than me.

[Agora1 in reply to Nolen42]

Nolan, I'm probably the most positive person on this forum.

It was because of your honesty really..in saying all the things you weren't

that led me to believe you weren't born with these attributes.

Maybe something or someone in your life made you not caring because you

weren't cared about.

I'm not a doctor and I'm sorry if you are hurt. I just have always felt that having

empathy and compassion are something we are born with. And if you don't have those feelings that's okay... we can't make everyone be alike.

There are plenty of caring, empathetic people on this forum who may have an idea

in how to make you be what you want to be. I wish you well. xx

[Nolen42 in reply to Agora1]

That did actually get me thinking, but I hope not in the wrong direction. Maybe I don’t feel empathy for her cause I don’t really feel like I receive, might need to try and break the cycle to see if it changes anything. Thanks

[Hidden]

Your last name doesn't happen to be Trump does it?

[Nolen42 in reply to Hidden]

No but I am being serious in my reply

[Hidden in reply to Nolen42]

Sorry about that I couldn't help myself low-hanging fruit. I'll think on it for a while get back to you within a week. I know when I got sick 2 years ago and had my operation my attitude was changed greatly. Once you get sick and you think your time on this planet is short it's very humbling and empathy for others is greatly increased whether it's a mental or physical problem. People with mental problems are not imagining their pain and discomfort the chemicals released during anxiety have a great effect on the body and mind.

[Nolen42 in reply to Hidden]

Yes, taking something seriously that you don’t suffer from personally is difficult. I suffer from a skin ailment and people don’t believe how bad it can actually suck sometimes (like no, not like a mosquito bite, unless the mosquito was the size of me and a freakin’ alien or some $#!t, and he bit me literally everywhere). I think for me it’s a combo of lack of patience also. I decide the situation before I take the time to consider someone’s feelings.

[YouareBeloved99]

Hi Nolen42... that's a tough one because anxiety and depression can look so different for different people. I myself have suffered from it but it's pretty well controlled. But then I also know people who suffer from it and instead choose to wallow in their own self pity and instead of accepting help, they make excuses and accept a "poor me" mentality.

I am reminded of a time years ago when my sister came from out of state to visit me and watch my kids for about a month. She was a teacher so she had the summers off and I always looked forward to her coming. However, this particular summer something triggered here and she started having really bad panic attacks. It was so bad that she couldn't even get in a car. I ended up driving her home which was about 700 miles away and I stayed with her for a couple of weeks. She couldn't get herself out of bed or eat or anything. I did everything for her. It got to be so much that all of the helping was affecting me. I reached out to a counselor I had seen in the past and asked for advice. She told me to STOP helping her. I was very surprised by that. But when she explained further, I started to understand. She said that if I was doing everything for her, I was unconsciously sending her the message that she was not capable of taking care of herself (which was how she was already feeling). So I stopped. And I felt horrible. And she got upset with me. But I'll tell you what... a few days later, she herself called and made an appointment with a counselor. I still drove her to the appointment but it was good for her to know that she COULD do things... like making the appointment.

It was a long road but I realized that all my helping was really enabling her and crippling her even more. Years later, she is so much better now. She takes antidepressants and her anxiety is now much better controlled.

I'm curious... what does the anxiety and depression look like in the person you are writing about?