Extreme Health Anxiety

[Scalir]

Greetings,

I hope my post finds everyone doing well. I wanted to reach out because I've been really struggling this month with my anxiety, particularly health anxiety.

It started with a stomach ache on 3/1, which led to a doctor's appointment, lab tests, and two ER visits that resulted in more lab tests plus an abdominal/pelvic CT scan, all of which came back as 'normal.' With no findings, I was diagnosed with gastroenteritis after explaining all my symptoms and concerns, and of course after receiving all the test results. Most people may be able to walk away from those experiences feeling satisfied and able to move on with their lives, but I am still in the throes of "there must be something horribly wrong with me, it just hasn't been found yet."

I am to the point of not eating much due to lack of appetite, and I've lost some weight (nearly 10 lbs) within just two weeks. I can no longer tell what is a true symptom and what is a symptom of anxiety. Within this space of time, I have convinced myself that I have everything from ovarian cancer to leukemia, lymphoma, cystic fibrosis, colorectal cancer, and the latest on the list of potentials is cerebrospinal fluid leak. I am not comforted by the articles I have found regarding some of these diseases and their more 'subtle,' symptoms that can sometimes be missed.

Now, I know I sound/seem ridiculous. But in my head it has seemed all too real and therefore I am having a hard time coping and moving on. I am going to look into getting back in with my therapist, who I last saw ten years ago. It may also be worth noting that my anxieties do not involve just myself-- I worry about my family members' health with the same degree of intensity as my own. Most of the time, in fact, I worry about theirs much more. And the worrying tends to circulate by family member. One month I'll be fixated on this person, the next month on another person and so on. It's taken me awhile, but I've finally recognized this pattern I seem to have.

When I do find moments where I can relax, my mind quickly switches back into hypervigilance mode, as if the things I fear will strike when I let my (mental) guard down. This has been one of the worst things - that I fear both the presence and absence of anxiety.

The purpose of my post is two-fold. If you have experienced/are experiencing something similar: you're not alone. This anxiety may seem and be irrational, as anxiety usually is by nature. But it presents itself as a very real threat and someone out there (me) gets it if you're struggling with it too. On the same note, it helps me to know that I am not alone. Because I feel all too isolated lately, even when I am in the company of those I love. I don't want to burden anyone with my worries, and sometimes it's also hard for people to understanding why I'm freaking out. I'm grateful that they don't understand, for their sake, because it means that they don't experience this level of consumption by relentless panic and constant stress. But for me, I would like to chat with those who may have been through this and found things that helped them.

I appreciate you reading this and wish everyone the best!

[Hidden]

Have you read any good CBT books like hope and help for your nerves by Dr Claire weeks? 2 years ago I was in a similar situation and I also had gastritis which by the way can take a long time to heal. You have to take charge and healing your own anxiety therapists are great but only part of the equation.

[Scalir in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! I will be reading it!

[Hidden]

I should also State I healed from my anxiety in a couple short months.

[Scalir in reply to Hidden]

I love hearing that. It gives me hope.

[Citizenkane]

You are not alone. I have always been hyper obsessed about my health. After a year of COVID with a mega stress job ( even working remotely), over the last month I saw an escalation in the real conditions I have. The tremor I have had on my left side has exploded and my leg shakes all the time. This has created enormous anxiety, depression and other problems. I had a brain scan— fine. Doesn’t solve my problem — I am imagining the worst — I want you to know that others suffer as you do

[Scalir in reply to Citizenkane]

Thank you, it is helpful to know we aren't alone in this especially since the struggle can feel so isolating. I am wishing you all the very best!

[MAtoNE]

Thank you for sharing. I myself have been to the doctors 3 times this month just in fear of my symptoms being something "real". I also have no appetite. Do you have any good tips on eating when you don't feel well and think something is wrong with your stomach?

[Scalir in reply to MAtoNE]

First I'm sorry that you're going through this, too! You're definitely not alone and I quite literally feel your struggle. For me, ginger ale has been a good way to ease content into my stomach. Smoothies, also. Lots of smoothies! I make them at home sometimes but I often also purchase the Bolthouse Farms or Naked smoothies from the grocery store. These are great for meal substitutes when you absolutely don't feel like eating. When you do feel like solids, peanut butter crackers or just plain saltines are also great. Scrambled eggs, toast, rice, ... anything bland. Pasta, even. I start with the smoothies and slowly work my way up to the bland solids. I hope this helps a little! Please feel free to chat with me anytime you want or need to!

[Amandasullivan12]

Everything you said is me I feel so alone trapped in my own mind I can’t get away from it’s horrible draining mentally and physically I wish I could tell you something that helps but I’m yet to find it I hate this it consumes me all day everyday so know you are not alone x

[Scalir in reply to Amandasullivan12]

I am sorry to hear you're going through this too. It is daunting when the problem seems to be our very own thoughts. I am finding certain things that help, mostly it has been books and videos of people explaining anxiety in straightforward, relatable terms and how they've been able to overcome it. Just as negative thoughts are played on repeat with our anxiety, I am trying to continually listen to positive messages in hopes that it'll sink in. It's definitely not an overnight method but it helps to hear people talk about it and put it in perspective!

[Amandasullivan12 in reply to Scalir]

Yh it’s hard every day is a struggle hopefully we can overcome it x

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

Scalir, believe me, you’re not alone. I have health anxiety as well. For me I see now that it is my attempt to control what cannot be controlled. The key is buried in your post....therapy....get back in it.....let us know how it goes....

[Scalir in reply to Catsamaze]

Thank you so much, and you are right! I will definitely update you on how it goes. I'm looking forward to getting back into it as I know it helped me immensely before.

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

Go for it, Scalir!