Feeling down, hopelessness... loneliness.. feeling like the odd one everywhere..... my heart shatters all day.....

[Dreamer468]

Things are going pretty dark.. I don't have anyone to talk, mostly I don't have anything to talk like normal people in my class.I envy everyone, they talk, laugh, tease each other, share everything, I don't know, goes pretty well in group...

And I'm like the past 10 years having hard time talking connecting to someone.... as I've mentioned before, my parents are extroverts so they don't understand what I'm going through. Eventhough, I don't blame them. Seriously, I can't connect with others. Once I was so helpless that I had to ask a guy what should learn and do to make friends..... I'm in a pathetic state where I'm all alone. Even my siblings don't have the half of problems what I'm dealing. Everyday my heart shatters alot of time. I can't connect with others, I can't even silly jokes because I talk them deeply and its been that way from the beginning. Alot of pain I can't even explain.

Depression, social anxiety, OCD and the list goes on.....

What the hell did I do to deserve this life long punishment??😥😥

[Hidden]

I get it. I am in the same boat. I have had trouble connecting my whole life too. The thing to ask yourself is why you are having these problems? Is it social anxiety? is it autism? Is it just that you have nothing to say? Are you looking in the right places to make friends? There are a lot of factors here. I am asking because you brought up that you have trouble talking. If it's social anxiety the best thing to do is to talk more. The more you do it the easier it will get. At first it won't feel that way but it's really the best thing to do. You can read about advise and all that all day long but if you are trying to plan your conversations ahead of time it will never work. Conversation should be fluid and open not restrained by a set of questions. Now it's okay to ask questions if you can build off of them but if you just have questions on a sheet of paper and read them off one by one without investing time into them then it will get you nowhere. Again, just talking more is the best answer here. If it's that you don't have anything to say well there are a few things here. First, are you talking to the right groups? I mean if you are not a car person but the group you are talking to is you probably won't have much to say. Find groups with similar interests. If you just don't have much to say in general well then you can always ask the other person some questions or learn about what the other person likes. If you are interested as well of course. It's about finding common ground at first. Those deep connections you want take time to build and involve a lot of vulnerability. That can take months to years to build up. So be patient. Just be yourself is the biggest thing here. If you are not super funny, don't try to be. Play to your strengths. You mentioned something about taking jokes to seriously and that can be for many reasons. This is why I mentioned autism as I have mild autism and have a hard time with sarcasm. So I tend to get into arguments when I shouldn't. I am not saying you do have it however, I just figured I'd mention it. Never self diagnose, speak with a professional to figure it out. If it's not that then perhaps you are just to anxious and over thinking things. Which if that's the case then working on grounding should be helpful. Also, again exposure is a useful tool here. The goal is to reduce the anxiety and just be who you are. That is really the best thing you can do to connect. Be true to who you are.

Asking for help isn't a weakness it's a strength. More people need to know that. It takes more courage to admit you need help and to seek it than it does to stay silent and suffer. Also I wanted to note that extrovert doesn't mean people connect easily it just means they require more social stimulation they get energized by people rather than drained by them. At the same time Introvert doesn't mean bad at talking it just means you can't handle a lot of social interactions. And being an introvert or an extrovert is on a spectrum.

Finally, a lot of your issue can also come down to self perception. If you don't have confidence that usually shows. And if you are just beating yourself up all the time because of this it won't help. It will only make things worse. Practice self compassion and do your best. It's not a race and even if you only end up with one friend while others have many more that is okay because it's not about others it's about you. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday not who others are today.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Good advice.

[Hidden]

I know it's not the same but i'm happy to talk with you. I feel the same on connecting with people. All the best.

[Hidden]

Hey dreamer

We speak with many people here which sometimes causes us to forget if it was the same person. I remember once I gave some guy a website that helps people with your particular problem I don't know if it was you. But if it was, did you follow thru? Did u find the website? Did you sign up? Have they followed up with you? If you did and if it was you, dont rush the results. I don't know how good or bad they are bcz I don't particularly have social enxiety but love to help others find help.

If it didn't work I am sure many others will come up with ideas. It is all about finding that which can help you. What might work for some might not necessarily work for another.