Suffering from anxiety and PTSD

I have been living with abusive father until now i am having nightmares about him he keep asking me for forgiveness and i can't forgive him, when I get panic attacks my heart starts pounding so fast i feel like i am dying i can't help myself what should I do?

[Heorge_Garrison]

Hi, it’s nice to meet you! I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing such intense distress about your past abuse. Have you tried counseling? Counseling has helped me because it gives me a place to air my inner fears and anxieties to someone without judgment. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m always happy to lend an ear. Best wishes to you in your healing.

[Hidden in reply to Heorge_Garrison]

Thanks heorge, i always wanted to go for counseling but unfortunately i can't afford it at this moment, i try to help my self but i fail i have been doing this for my whole life now i feel like sadness have taken over my head i try to stay positive but with covid and isolation i feel trapped with my own thoughts.

[Heorge_Garrison in reply to Hidden]

As helpful as counseling is, it’s good that you’re still trying to support yourself in other ways. I also have a testy relationship with my thoughts, and it’s helped me to try and remember that they’re just thoughts that may or may not contain a grain of truth. But I realize that’s easier said than done. What kinds of things do you like to do?

[Hidden in reply to Heorge_Garrison]

I enjoy doing yoga and jumping ropes in the morning it clears my thoughts, i am now having major stress lol because of my final year in nursing school. How about you sir how do you clear all this thoughts

[Heorge_Garrison in reply to Hidden]

I’ve heard yoga’s very helpful for stress. And congrats on almost being done with nursing school! To be honest, I pretty much always have a negative stream of thoughts, but running and playing guitar help me take my mind off things.

[Hidden in reply to Heorge_Garrison]

Wow that's so cool i have always wanted to play any instrument i have alot of buried emotions that needs to be out, if i got the chance i will be playing violin 🎻

[Heorge_Garrison in reply to Hidden]

Playing violin would be cool. I love classical music because it has a way of cutting straight through to the heart lol

[Hidden in reply to Heorge_Garrison]

Lol yess i feel like i can turn my sadness into beautiful sounds to feel less messy but that's my thoughts of playing violin.

[Hidden]

Sometimes we are given Teachings which are not fair on us especially the ones we get about family members. I will tell you that I lived in an alcoholic household and we were taught that family is family while we were being abused. That is pure nonsense. I later learnt that you can forgive a person and love them afar. Believe me when I tell you this, there are some family members i have not seen in years because I am important and my health and wellbeing is equally important. There is nothing as difficult as forgiving someone who keeps doing the same thing over and over when they know it is wrong, so I forgave and distanced myself, that way I gave myself time to heal bcz they were out of sight. Practice that I know many will think u are bad bcz of what we have been fed to accept abuse just bcz a person is a family member. Love em, respect em but never allow another to bully you no matter who.