Driving Anxiety: Just wondering if any... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Driving Anxiety

Expo123 profile image
36 Replies

Just wondering if any of you get anxiety at the thought of driving. I never wanted to drive and had pretty much come to turns with the fact that it wasn't meant for me. A few years back though, my sister passed away and my mom needed someone to help her do errands, groceries, etc. I already had a license but had just never used it. I ended up taking 10 refresher lessons, bought a car, and tried to overcome my nerves. Even the lessons were scary for me. I kept thinking I'd have an accident and kill the driving instructor, and would get nervous even doing simple things like trying to adjust the seat or the mirror at the beginning of the lesson. Today, after driving for a few years now, I'm fine only if I drive around my area. I get ridiculously nervous when I have to go anywhere I'm not familiar with. I also never drive on highways. I use the GPS on my phone but somehow never trust that it won't take me in a wrong direction. I forced myself to go to a nature park around 30 minutes from where I live today so that I could take some pictures. I just got home but my jaw muscles, neck and shoulders are numb from all the stress. It makes me feel crappy about myself when I see so many young people who barely have a license driving all over the place.

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Expo123 profile image
Expo123
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36 Replies
Slammysammy profile image
Slammysammy

I have bad driving anxiety to. I can't drive anywhere far by myself I have to have someone who can drive come with me so if my anxiety gets to bad they can drive. I have been like that for years. Luckily I have a best friend who goes with me pretty much anywhere because she knows how I am. I want to be able to drive by myself and not have any problems

Expo123 profile image
Expo123 in reply to Slammysammy

One trick I do is to drive on roads where I know I can easily turn off of. Since I avoid highways, I'm usually on streets in residential areas and that helps my anxiety a bit. I'm glad you have such a good friend who supports you.

Sadmama profile image
Sadmama

My oldest daughter won’t drive as she has a lot of anxiety. I have panic attacks sometimes when I drive. You are no alone. It is hard.

Maggie1204 profile image
Maggie1204 in reply to Sadmama

I do as well.

Iamanartist1 profile image
Iamanartist1

Yes! I have terrible anxiety driving. When I go to a new address I often drive there the day before to find it! I always aks my angels to protect me before I drive. I say: please be in front of me,behind me,and on the sides of me. I am a very cautious driver,but am blind in one eye so I worry when it’s a dark day, foggy,raining or snowing. Sometimes I feel worse than others. If my confidence is good, I’m not as nervous. Work on loving yourself and confidence. Good luck!

Expo123 profile image
Expo123 in reply to Iamanartist1

Thank you. It's funny because I do exactly the same thing you do. I will drive somewhere a day in advance to try and put my mind at ease.

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply to Iamanartist1

Me too, if I'm going somewhere new that's important I study the overhead view on Google Earth and drive along the road on Street View. I too only have one good eye. Knowing this only makes us twice as safe driving as other drivers so we rarely get involved in prangs.

Singingmonkey profile image
Singingmonkey in reply to Iamanartist1

My husband is blind in his left eye and only drives when he has to. I do most of the driving. Most of the time it doesn't bother me and other days I feel anxious. It is probably caused by a car accident I was in like 14 years ago! Glad to be apart of this support group. I understand how you feel!

b1b1b1 profile image
b1b1b1

Work on taking small drives and gradually increasing them. 30 minutes may have been too much. Try a week of 15 minutes and see how you do. If you are still uncomfortable stay at 15 minutes until that is OK and then increase to 20 minutes for 2 weeks, etc. First highway trips are scary for everyone. Don't try until you are comfortable with 30 minutes on local roads, then pick a wide, uncrowded highway for your first time and make it a very short trip--maybe just from the entrance you get on to the next exit, or about 1 mile.

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply to b1b1b1

Very good idea b1. x

Expo123 profile image
Expo123 in reply to hypercat54

That is a great idea. Thank you so much!

Iamanartist1 profile image
Iamanartist1 in reply to b1b1b1

Great idea! I can only drive 45 minutes because from there I have to drive home!

BlueLlama profile image
BlueLlama

I’m 28 and I had an event last summer that caused me to have panic attacks while driving. I couldn’t drive anywhere. My counselor helped me through it and I’ve been driving everywhere. Although, he’s missed a couple of appointments this month, which has undone some of that progress. I tried to go to the store, and sat in the parking lot for thirty minutes before going back home.

BlueLlama profile image
BlueLlama in reply to BlueLlama

I still do have reservations about driving, but I manage to get through it so I can go about living my life.

Expo123 profile image
Expo123 in reply to BlueLlama

I also sit in the car for a bit if I'm nervous about driving back home. I listen to music, open the car window and do some breathing.

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943

Drivers with anxiety disorder are among the safest drivers on the road. Because of their anxiety they are twice as alert as normal and twice as careful.

Expo123 profile image
Expo123 in reply to Jeff1943

That's exactly what my driving teacher told me.

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply to Expo123

The same is true of one-eyed drivers, they know they have a possible handicap and over compensate on driving carefully and safely.

teen_anxiety profile image
teen_anxiety

yes, and I am one of those young people I only have my permit. I am scared of messing up, making others mad, and of others messing up. it also makes me anxious when I even just barely slip up especially if my parent mentions something to help me improve.

Expo123 profile image
Expo123 in reply to teen_anxiety

Be proud of yourself that you are working on overcoming your fear. I wish I had the courage at your age to start driving so you should really give yourself a pat on the back. Yesterday when I took my trip I drove right past the parking lot for the nature park I was visiting. When I realized I'd missed the street, I just kept driving and turned off on a street quite a bit further down where I found a place to park. I felt a sense of panic when I missed the parking lot, and also silly for not turning around and going back, but at the end I just congratulated myself for finding a solution, walking back to get there, taking my pictures, and coming back home (even if it was a little bit more complicated venture than I had planned). It sounds like you have a supportive parent helping you with your driving and that's also a really good thing. Good luck and let us know how things are going as you progress with your lessons.

teen_anxiety profile image
teen_anxiety in reply to Expo123

thanks for the encouragement and good job for pushing thru the fear yourself. I will definitely keep you updated.

Redpanda5 profile image
Redpanda5

Wow, you described me in your post! My driving panic attacks are the fear I’m going to cause an accident by passing out and killing my passengers and people in other vehicles. I also fear getting lost and not being able to find my way back.

When I have to drive to an unfamiliar place or on the freeway or sit at red lights at large intersections, panic can hit out of thin air. I do all the things that others mentioned. I also have three strategies that seem to work pretty well.

First, I take a 500mg b1 vitamin. It doesn’t stop my anxious thoughts but it does seem to stop the physical panic (shakiness / breathing) and therefore helps me to relax and often avoid a panic attack at all.

Second, I plan ahead by preparing something to distract me on the drive such as adding new songs to my Spotify playlist or say the alphabet backwards. Having something on hand that interests me immensely or that takes all my brain power seems to leave my panic attacks unable to take over.

Third, proper rest seems to help my attacks. If I have had the proper amount of sleep, that seems to lessen anxious thoughts.

Have you considered you might be a Highly Sensitive person? Google books on this type of person and they will describe panic attacks are common in those with this personality type.

Hang in there. These are horrible monsters to deal with.

Expo123 profile image
Expo123 in reply to Redpanda5

We are really similar Redpanda5 because I also have a crazy fear of getting lost. It's actually silly because I have a GPS on my phone and even if I take a wrong turn somewhere, it would just recalibrate and find an alternate route for me to make my way back. What scares me about highways is that everything is moving so much faster and it's not as easy (or at least I don't think it is) to get back on track if you've missed an exit. When I first started driving I didn't put on the radio because I felt like it was distracting and stressing me. Now though I always put it on and find it helps to distract me from the sounds my car makes, and the noise from the other cars around me. One of my former therapists did diagnose me as a Highly Sensitive Person. It felt good to know there was an actual term for it so I knew there were other people out there like me. Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I really appreciate it.

Redpanda5 profile image
Redpanda5 in reply to Expo123

And your post encourages me Expo123! Thank you for weighing in. It’s very validating to know there are others out there.

Why can't get uber and drive when u really need to?

Sonata2 profile image
Sonata2

Hi, I was also a reluctant driver, and am an anxious person. Over the years, things improved! Suggestions: take "baby steps" with your driving and gradually improve your range. Start with easy drives in quiet places if possible. Gradually build confidence. Consider getting some hypnotherapy, which maybe you can get via zoom or skype etc. Also a course in mindful meditation, relaxation exercises and or CBT might be and idea. With meditation, if you practise every day - or as often as possible - you get better at it and it can really help. There may be mediation apps that might help. Also there may be virtual driving apps/ lessons?

The main thing is maybe to be able to do relaxation exercises, especially before and after driving. Consider every drive you make an achievement.

I had to force myself to start driving. Like you, I had my licence, but was still very nervous. I started with a small car similar to the one I passed my test on. Later, I went over to automatics - I love them.

I started driving on motorways after I had been driving for some time. Living at that time in Glasgow (UK) I discovered that the motorway route into the city was fairly quiet at certain times of day, so was able to build up skill and confidence under less pressure.

I now live in the South of England. Being able to drive has been invaluable. I've a poor sense of direction, and was driving before sat navs became available. When I got a sat nav, it took away a lot of anxiety. I still went wrong sometimes with finding my way, especially taking the wrong exit at roundabouts. This added stress of course, but I had to accept that sat navs/ GPS isn't perfect, and I'm not perfect. So allow yourself time, and remeber you can always retrace a wrong direction. For me, driving in a strange place before sat navs sometimes was very stressful. I'm now in my 70s and gave up my car a few years ago, mainly because of the cost. During the pandemic and lockdowns, I've hugely missed having a car - because I could have driven on my own and been safe. Driving is a huge bonus in current circumstances. I live in a nice place, and shop on line. But to go anywhere, even locally, I now have to use a bus or taxi. Being of an at-risk age with medical conditions, travel by bus or taxi (or train) doesn't feel totally safe to me. There are fewer buses because of the pandemic. I can afford taxis, and am glad they are available. But if I still had my car, I would have been able to drive to beautiful spaces nearby. My mobility is now poor and I'm on my own. But feel lucky to be safe!

Good luck with your driving! Don't feel a failure for being nervous! We are all different. Just build up slowly. Take is as a challenge you will gradually overcome. Congratulate yourself on every drive you do. If possible, you might start with very short drives, but often. The people for whom driving is natural no doubt lack other skills and qualities that you have. Just take your nerves as a fact - something you can work on over time. Hope this helps!

Expo123 profile image
Expo123 in reply to Sonata2

Thank you Sonata2 for sending such a kind and thoughtful reply. I hadn't even thought about virtual driving apps. That is very interesting and I'll definitely look into it. Like you I've tried driving to different places at quiet times when I know there won't be too much traffic. I actually prefer to be alone in the car because it makes me feel less worried about being judged if I do something wrong. I know it's a matter of practice and just forcing myself to be more adventurous. Now would actually be a good time to push myself a bit as there is less traffic due to COVID-19 restrictions. You mentioned that you had given up your car a few years ago. Would you ever consider doing the test again and then keeping your license valid so that you could rent a car on occasion if you wanted to have the opportunity to drive to some of those beautiful spaces that you mentioned? That way you wouldn't incur the expense of having your own car but you'd still have the opportunity to drive once in awhile.

Lazy_dog_lover profile image
Lazy_dog_lover

Hello Expo123,

I never had an issue or any concerns about starting to drive. I used to sit on my dad's lap and steer the family boat, so the feel of the wheel was very comfortable. I am just north of Chicago, Illinois, USA. I only drive in the big city if I absolutely have to. Suburban traffic is bad enough.

I know many people who don't do highways, don't do the city, and don't do night driving. I think it is all mostly preference.

I, unfortunately, have had quite a few accidents. None were my fault and 4 I was a passenger in. I did used to drive and always look for escape routes in case the truck in front of me changed lanes without seeing me. This was only after one big accident and it lasted about 5 years.

Eventually, the fear subsided. We have classes called "defensive driving" classes. There is no controlling other drivers' behaviors. The more you drive the more confident you become. I love it that you went to the park. There is nothing wrong with taking charge of when and where you drive. I would, however, suggest chewing gum or using a sleep teeth grinding mouthpiece to protect your teeth.

Expo123 profile image
Expo123 in reply to Lazy_dog_lover

Thanks so much for your response. I admire you for continuing to drive, even though you had several bad experiences (even if they were mostly as a passenger). The mouthpiece is a good idea. As I'm reading this my teeth and jaw are killing me. Just a nervous habit I guess, even when I'm not behind the wheel.

Lazy_dog_lover profile image
Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Expo123

I have actually had 16 accidents. 4 as a passenger. 4 cars totaled. 2 ambulance trips. All over 30 years. My last one March 31, 2020 was the worst, (still recovering and 1 more surgery). One minor bump was my fault for following too closely, otherwise no others were my fault. I was shaken after a few. I did look for escape routes for a long time. Yes, people can be stupid drivers. You can't control them. You don't want to let them control you, though. My choices are not driving in the big city and not making hard left turns across traffic. I will go around the block the other way until I find a light. You make the choices best for you. Find nice music or a podcast to distract your brain a little. Mouth piece will help, especially if you clench more than just driving, but I would see a dentist for that. Keep on crusin'. Don't let the others push you around. ;-)

Catsamaze profile image
CatsamazeADAA Volunteer

Hi Expo. Ever stop to think how rational your fear is? The difference is that most of us don’t think about the fact that we’re driving a 2-ton piece of machinery at relatively high speed along with thousands of others doing the same at very close quarters. The key is to realize that you can be aware of the potential dangers, respect them, and drive anyway knowing that you and most of the others sharing the road will do so responsibly. Of course, there’s no law that anyone has to drive if they don’t want to. But it sounds like you do but just hate the anxiety you feel doing it. Kudos to you for working through your fears.

There’s another aspect of driving a car that is purely symbolic but very powerful. You are the driver of your life. Sure, there are traffic signals and signs and other things to guide and inform you along the way. But ultimately it’s down to you behind the wheel determining where you are going in your life and how you’re going to get there. And that can feel very overwhelming and frightening. This is mostly subconscious but can be at the root of the fear of driving..

We’re happy you drive yourself here 😊

Expo123 profile image
Expo123 in reply to Catsamaze

What you bring up about being the driver of your life is really interesting to me Catsamaze. The image is both empowering and a bit scary at the same time. Now that I am thinking about it, I'm actually aware that I've sometimes thought about my fear of driving in relation to the fear I have in the rest of my life of undertaking new challenges and adventures. All of it I guess comes down to have a lack of faith in myself. I will definitely keep this image in my mind and see if I can use it to help me find a more positive mindset with my driving. Thank you so much!!

Catsamaze profile image
CatsamazeADAA Volunteer in reply to Expo123

So glad it helped, Expo. It really is both empowering and scary at the same time, and that’s okay. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. I also want to say something about GPS that inspires me. Let’s say that it tells you to take a left turn and you miss it. It simply recalculates. Make ten mistakes in a row and it will just recalculate. It won’t give up and shut down. The lesson? You can always eventually reach your destination no matter how many “wrong turns” you make if I you just keep driving. Isn’t that cool? I think it’s cool :)

Expo123 profile image
Expo123 in reply to Catsamaze

I really like the way you see things Catsamaze. I will admit that when I hear the GPS recalculating my first feeling is one of stress. I get frustrated with myself and have this kind of "you messed up again you idiot" thought that's the first thing that comes to mind. I guess if I turn that thought around though and approach it with your much more positive spin, it might really make a difference. It's almost like the GPS won't give up on me, even when I want to give up on myself. Thank you again. Your messages have really helped. ❤️

Maggie1204 profile image
Maggie1204

I have this as well. I am most afraid when certain people are with me because I feel that they are judging me. If I go somewhere familiar, it is less but any unfamiliar route, my anxiety is triggered.

lowtech profile image
lowtech

Good idea to check StreetView for critical junction approaches on your journey and get an idea from Google maps for places you will pass through. Your memory of the correct directions will be triggered by things you might see at the roadside before your turning. Take it easy, and let the hurriers pass-by. There's so much more to take in when driving and quite a bit different from 55 yrs ago when I started. Now I find that older age counts against my former confidence so I have to go easy again. Always give yourself time to allow for route mistakes or get held up by traffic conditions, road works etc. Also keep some essentials in your trunk for emergencies: outdoor coat; blanket; hat; torch; tough shoes, perhaps. Have your charged-up cellphone, water and your medications with you (if any), and maybe a small snack so you can stop and relax a bit, and double-check your map / route notes. All this may help build confidence in your right to be on the road and be driving. Good luck!

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