How to get over failure?

[Ganeshh]

5 years ago i failed at something i was pursuing that was going to get me a scholarship or at least a shot at going to a good school. Since then i can't shake why i feel like such a failure, like everything i do is cursed to fail since or something. It haunts me, like this won't leave me alone. I got depression around that time and had to stop pursuing that goal. And i know its not my fault but its like my body won't let me move on. Hell I KNOW its not a failure, but it feels like it and can't stop torturing myself over the past. Any advice on how to move forward and become better?

[Rafiki11]

The only failure is failing to try. What is your next thing to try? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

[Hidden]

Try to move yourself forward by tackling small challenges. Give yourself full credit for every little goal you achieve. Hopefully with time and practice it will boost your self esteem and confidence.

Also, they say to push your limits, but sometimes admitting our limitations can be very liberating. Everyone doesn’t have to be a success at everything they undertake... we get valuable experience from failures, too.

Also, there might be another area where you have strength and are a true success but just haven’t identified it yet because you’ve been focused on this other thing. Are you giving yourself credit for all your achievements? Or too busy beating yourself up and obsessing over something you can’t change?

[Hidden]

I know exactly how you feel. I have struggled with the same issues for years. It's something that I find haunts me as well. I think the only things we can do are try and accept what happened as it did. Really understand that things happened and it's over. Part of holding onto the pain is the continued pursuit of trying to change what happened but we can't. We can't change the past we can only learn from it. I struggle with this to and have not really had success but I think a start for both of us is taking care of the people we are now to foster our own growth. I think self love is a big part of why we hold onto things of the past, I am speaking for myself here when I say that I feel like if I could somehow change the past my present would be better somehow but this is just not possible. I need to focus in the present, and focus on self compassion and self love. So that I can truly let my demons go.

[Hidden]

Hi! It sounds like you’re very conflicted which is something I’m familiar with myself. When you know something but you feel something different and as you said it is torture. It’s very confusing when one thought doesn’t match up with a feeling and any negative thoughts that we’re having at the time get made worse because we’ve got all that turbulence in us of our ideas not coming together. There were times when I thought I failed and maybe I did, I’m OK with that. No one can go through life without failing at a couple of things. The things that I failed at actually allowed me to move forward in a way I would’ve never imagined. I have course had to pick myself up and get my ass to work to make sure I could get that silver lining you know? If I were to offer you advice I would suggest that you reframe how you’re looking at the situation. You could also have a conversation with yourself about the level of trauma that this perceived failure caused you. If it was traumatizing or extremely upsetting or you felt like your survival was threatened or if you felt incredibly helpless then it’s possible that it’s stuck with you for this long because it really hurt you and that can be hard to shake. So as far as reframing the way you’re looking at it failures can sometimes be something to celebrate because they allow room in our lives for new opportunities sometimes all the failures happen at once and it’s overwhelming but once the storm blows over we have all this free space in our minds to get creative and resourceful and do something that we wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise. Failure is a totally normal part of life. It happens to everybody. And I think there is strength and embracing that. I hope that that is relatable to you and I think it’s great that you reached out and were willing to be vulnerable and honest about this difficult experience you’re having 🤖