how could my mom be so cruel and unloving?

she emotionally abused me last time i was in town. i flew to my home state to see her just so she could leave and go on dates with her boyfriend, then come back and tell me to do stuff for her and criticize me with things such as "you do nothing with yourself, all day long you do nothing" anything she could say to put me down. i would stau quiet. until she told me to leave back home so i did and she was furious. yelled at my sisters saying i was selfish for leaving.

for MONTHS i've tried contacting her with no response. today i thought i'd text her this morning say "i love you mom. i just wanted to let you know im doing ok and excited for my graduation. i hope to hear from you. im thinking of you." and no repsonse. no repsonse for months.... how unloved i am from her. only makes me miss my dad so much more.

its almost like she gets validation from ignoring me.

[Hidden]

i want you to know you are not alone, you deserve to be loved and be understood. ik you must be going through a hard time, but just hold on please, you matter and I LOVE YOU🥰❤️

[Nokita_Chan24]

Helllo.. so sad to hear what you have been thru. But I would like you to know that nowadays we are living in much more materialistic and ego-centric world where people do not care the least for you.. I am happy that you have been independent and you stand on your own feet and have reached a level where you should concentrate and contribute to your own happiness. Your mom holds a special place in your life and so does every Mom. She is not bad. Maybe she has some issues that she can't discuss. Just like we are here on this platform sharing and caring for our needy ones,maybe she is alone there having no one to share with. Moms are angels and that's why we become strong and much more achieved in life thru their helps. What I want you to understand is however your mom is behaving seems very hurtful to you, but take it positive. Be grateful to her. Maybe if she hadn't behave like that you would have been still under her care and you would have felt more frustrated and maybe you would not have become what you are today. So thanks Mom for whatever she has done for you.. Now you as a mature one, try to be on your own.find a job.earn well. And whenever you miss mom. Go to her. Take her on a date.visit her once a month atleast.bring her her favourite gifts. Treat her.Just like she did for you when you were a kid.she may have other reason for doing so.be positive ! Goodluck.

[Hidden in reply to Nokita_Chan24]

Nokita_Chan24 my mom begged me not to move to another state, she wanted me to stay living with her so i could support her. before i left i said i needed to, so i could make more money for us in the future and she held it over my head and treated much worse since i left. shes not alone, she has her boyfriend, and my two sisters that also take care of her. however i was before joining this site. she knew i was alone in a new state and working hard but for some reason she was always harsh on me for trying to create a future for myself. she will only show us love if we are doing everything she wants and stays with her regardless of the abuse. i could take a lot by what you are saying and thank you so much for responding to this mess. i lost my father so i feel much much guilt if i dont show love so thats why i texted her for the 7th time or so with no response. if something were to happen to her and she continued to ignore me idk what i would do. bcus losing my dad has already made this mentally ill.

[Nokita_Chan24 in reply to Hidden]

I can understand your situation. Your mom wants you infront of her eyes.. maybe she raised you with so much care and love and now she seems to be much insecure thinking that you are alone. But one day try to bring her to your current residence and show her your lifestyle. One more thing I would like to tell you to remember is whoever come and go in your life is not by your power. IF you believe in spirituality,for every entry and exit in your life, it has been predestined. You have no control over that. You just need to accept what is happening in your surroundings . Just be grateful enough even for the little things you have. Do not hold yourself guilty for all happenings, you ain't God ! You are a simple human being just like us with some more feelings and haunting thoughts that master over our mind making us feel depressed. BUT You just need to be positive+thankful+guiltless for all happenings in life. Okay? You are strong,and Nature provides us with more strength to encounter upcoming difficult situations. You just need to be more positive in your thoughts and keep loving the ones who have always been there for you. Good Luck.

[Incomplete_Phoenix]

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this and your right to feel hurt. Sorry I’m terrible with finding comforting words for you, but please know I’m thinking of you and proud of you for your upcoming graduation! Good for you and it seems you’ve made this great accomplishment without much support, so you should be extremely proud of yourself and acknowledge how amazing you are for doing this all by yourself! Wish I could give you a hug!! 🤗

[hurtingheart1]

I’m sorry for your pain & hurting💞💞I can relate to the mom who can be pretty emotionally abusive ,harsh & cold throughout my life it’s been hard finding my 2feet and my hearing my own voice even. I’ve heard several times though that yes it’s true as mothers they are just imperfect humans as well full of there own issues and flaws so they may not always know how to giv the proper love and care we may be needing from them!!😂doesn’t make it any less painful though but you’re not alone if that brings any comfort and does sound like you’re doin fairly well in school and graduating soon that’s awesome good job!! I hope you can find some healing and peace soon and hopefully a better relationship over time with your mom!!🌻🦋

[Mrspjsmom]

I'm so sorry you feel so alone and want your Mother's approval. My Mom died when I was 22. I always felt like she didn't approve of anything I did and didn't love me as much as she loved my siblings. I was speechless when people I didn't know came up to me at her funeral and told me that she bragged about my achievements all the time. My Mom suffered from Bipolar depression and it wasn't managed well. (She died in 1986). I think in her mind the criticism and emotional abuse was her way of pushing me to succeed. Perhaps your Mom simply doesn't know how to interact with you. But you have removed yourself from a difficult home life and are trying to make the choices that will make your life better. I know how much you must be hurting but you are never alone. Post here anytime and I'm sure someone will be here to listen. HUGS and BLESSINGS! I'm proud of you for doing what is best for you.

[SuZQ154]

Your hurt is understandable, as well as your grief. In some way, you have lost both your parents. That HURTS! Please know you are wonderful, and loved, and deserve to be treated appropriately.

Recently, I heard "Take a one minute pause." In essence, before letting feelings, thoughts, or actions be impulsive, which often leads to feeling hurt, lonely, ashamed, etc...take a one minute pause, and listen for direction. It has been working. Personally, I believe it is the Holy Spirit guiding me.

As a parent, what I want most for each of our children is to lead his or her life by faith. To use the gifts and talents God has given each to serve others. That requires selflessness. Your mom sounds selfish, and not what a loving parent would do. You deserve to be loved and cherished!!

Please keep posting.

[Rafiki11]

She is not your mom. She’s your biological mother. Take some time to grieve the fact you don’t have a mom and then reach out to someone in your life who actually loves you.

I understand a little what this is like. I grieved not having a dad when I left his house at 17. He’s still alive but he’s not my dad. I don’t want or need him in my life.