How do we heal?

[Starrlight]

My cousin passed away two nights ago. I’m dealing with a lot of losses now, that this loss has brought up to the surface, some of which I haven’t dealt with fully. So I’m trying to heal. How does one heal? For some reason I am feeling so bad about myself. Earlier I was happily reading and writing when suddenly my mood swings have become drastic and I want to scream and cry at the same time but I just sit here in dismay. How do I heal?

[Tiggerakafidgity]

Hi starlight

Let the emotions come to the surface and just let it be.some will be nice some won’t be.if you cry you cry if you smile you smile I’ve you laugh you just laugh.

Time is a great healer and that’s all one can do.

Talking is good as it also brings it to the surface.

Life’s events will trigger past events or trumers.

[Hidden]

Journaling?

[Help_Me_Please]

I am sorry for tour loss, I wish I knew how we could heal. I also want to fix myself but somehow lack the strength to do it.

[Agora1]

Starrlight, I am truly sorry for your loss. Time and only time can help heal our pain of loss.. xx

[EllaAlexandra]

I m so sorry for what you re going through. I really like the thought 'everything comes up to pass away'. Let all the feelings be, don t judge them. Being with the feelings is healing. The fact that feelings come up, allows you to heal old pain, by indeed just letting the feelings to surface. This is such hard work, that please take care of yourself! Go for a run or sports to put the endorfins up. Eat healthy. Do something that you love. Be kind to yourself! You can do it. Sending you lots of strength.

[Hidden]

Starrlight I’m so sorry for your loss. An additional loss at a time when we have unresolved issues can be overwhelming, so what you are feeling is completely normal.

I don’t know why you feel bad about yourself, but this is a time you should connect with those you are closest too. Just talking it through can be helpful. Have a good cry. Get it all out to the surface. You can try and displace your feelings on paper or even paint about them.

Time doesn’t fully heal, but it puts distance between time of trauma to a time when the pain is less severe. More distance there is, the less pain. I’m sending you a series of virtual hugs and positiveness as you work through this. Remember to take care of yourself. 🤗🌺💜

[Yass_123]

Hi my huscof 36 yrs pass away five days ago abroad whilst I in UK the pain is awful sometimes cry so much think my heart will stop seeing as I have heart f even if we sit in dismay our relatives can't be bought by im thinking of sewing to take ease

[Moosue in reply to Yass_123]

So sorry for the lost of your husband. Xx

[Nothing_but_books]

I have no answer how one heals. Sometimes it happens. I am so sorry you are hurting. I am so sorry your moods are swinging, "happily reading and writing", wanting to "scream and cry at the same time", and just sitting there. I have no answers, no wonderful advice. No help. I hear you. I care. I am so sorry.

[formidible]

Healing and grieving takes time. Don't force it. Maybe try some counseling to talk about your feelings. You will heal in time. Sorry for your loss.

[c-mac]

I’m really sorry you are going through this. We all hope it passes as quickly as possible. Are there things you can do to batten down the hatches and ride out the storm? Maybe something calming is in order to keep the mood from taking on a life of its own, and swinging out of control? If you can find a calm space, then maybe you can explore what you feel with painting?

[Yass_123]

My hus passed five days ago I feel like I'm choking and cannot concentrate on wh I do every thought is about my husband wh if I hadn't told him to go to the hosp would he still be here wh if nurses misdiagnosed its a lot of wh if going round and round in my head I start to say stop and accept it but then the fear sadness loss all comes bk a feeling I do not want anyone to feel

[Agora1 in reply to Yass_123]

Dearest Yass, My heart breaks for what you are going through right now. But do not allow the "what ifs" to bring you down further than you already are. You've just been traumatized by the loss of your dear husband but no amount of "what ifs" would have changed the outcome.

Our lives all have a time limit and no amount of what we might have done or worry will

buy us one more day, hour or minute. Right now you are grieving immensely and need to

look for grieving counsel or talk with a therapist who may be able to help you.

I heard something the other day that talked about the many people who passed because

of Covid. No words are a comfort right now to you. Rather than focusing on his death,

try focusing on his life and all he was to you. Keep that memory alive in your heart and in your mind.

I extend my sincerest sympathy to you. I'm so sorry xx

[Yass_123 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you im finding it all very difficult especially when he died abroad and I am here i really feel lost i was living abroad until I came here now i don't know where to stay its like I have to start all over again but I don't have the energy or will what we wish for may come true but things can turn in a matter of days hours I feel for anyone who has lost aloved one especially these days with covid and no one can see them in their last days god willing things will get better

[Hidden in reply to Yass_123]

I really feel for you. I'm not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care.❤️

[Yass_123 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[Starrlight in reply to Yass_123]

Love ❤️ to you

[effystonem]

I'm so sorry for your loss and what you're going through.

I agree with the idea that time is the best healer. But one thing I want to add is that while you're still hurting and feeling the pain, don't block it out. Process what you're feeling and try your best to express it in a way that you're satisfied with (journaling, poetry, artwork, taking a walk or going on a drive and verbally expressing your sadness and anger). Also, connect with people who are affected by the same thing. Pain will either bring you closer together or further apart depending on what you do with it.I only say this because one of the few things I regret was blocking out my emotions when a really close friend left me and when I wanted to understand my emotions, I couldn't bring them to the surface because I had blocked them out for so long.

I'm not sure if this will help, but I hope it does. I really hope you can get through this time in the best way possible and best of luck to you.

[Hidden]

Hi, healing takes time. You've got some great suggestions on here, you can get through this and come out the other side. I apologize for going on and on about my issues to you, I'm sorry your cousin is gone, but remember the good things about him.💖

[Dolphin14]

Star:

I am so sorry for your loss. Right now you just need to give yourself permission to grieve.

Each loss has to be processed.

I'm so sorry for the emotional pain you feel right now.

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

It’s weird because the only thing we can be sure of is the coming of death, yet, when it happens, I tend, we tend I think, to be surprised... it’s still now difficult to comprehend that I won’t hear her voice again that I won’t see her sitting in her spot on our couch.

You know how in some cultures the dead are placed with the living for long after they are deceased... I can’t imagine that. I won’t go to her wake. Only the funeral. I’ve only seen three dead bodies and it just is very frightening to me.

Thanks for listening

[Yass_123 in reply to Starrlight]

Hi yes we all know death is for all but its the fear of the unknown and the ones who are left that hurt I have seen many dead bodies related to my hus but when my hus died there is no words to explain I am hurting here and yet I haven't gone bk to where I lived with him so there will be more pain and memories

[XoxoFaith]

Hi friend hope you doing better sorry to hear you struggling as Iam struggling to with my depression and anxiety having so many problems with my kids dad and that just makes my anxiety and depression worse

[Starrlight in reply to XoxoFaith]

Are your kids okay? Mine have been fighting which they never have really gotten into it with each other before. I’m going to have us do a family meeting.

[Starrlight in reply to XoxoFaith]

Ooooh you say your kids’ dad... I read it as problems with your kids... sorry things are hard with him

[Hb2003]

Hello Starlight I am sending my deepest sympathy’s and condolences to you and your family the best advice that I can give you is to not bottle your emotions in ❤️❤️❤️ We love you ❤️❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Hb2003]

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ thank you Hb I’m sooooooo tired, all the emotions is draining... I’m busting myself so that’s been good but now I just want to rest but seems I’m too restless.

[Hb2003 in reply to Starrlight]

Your welcome ❤️❤️. It’s normal too feel that way when a family member dies I will keep you in my thoughts 🥰

[Starrlight in reply to Hb2003]

🥰

[FifLove]

Starrlight,

My deepest sympathies for your loss. I know it’s cliche, but you will need to give yourself some time. Grief goes through stages that we must pass through. Try to remember the good times you enjoyed with your cousin, our memories are always there to keep.

As far as services go, it’s best to pay your respects in a way that you feel comfortable with. We are here for you.

[Starrlight in reply to FifLove]

Thanks. You know I have a feeling arising that someone else will soon die too. Maybe I’m worrying about my mom in the back of my mind.

[FifLove in reply to Starrlight]

That happens when we lose someone we care about, we fear losing others we are close with. It’s happened to me too. We must try to keep moving ahead though, and do our best to make positive strides in healing. Our loved ones want us to do well for ourselves ☀️

[Starrlight in reply to FifLove]

I totally agree 🌞

[Yass_123 in reply to Starrlight]

I know just how u feel I hope we both can have strength to get over this take care

[Starrlight in reply to Yass_123]

Yes I believe we have the strength. It may take a lot of time. I’m not looking forward to going to my cousin’s funeral because the person I’m getting a ride with annoys me more than anyone on this earth. Oh well I’ll try to be patient and just be in my head and heart with inner peace instead of paying attention to him.

[Yass_123 in reply to Starrlight]

Try not to think of th person thinkmof something funny or happy that u remember and you r doing in in respect of your cousin take care happy new year

[Starrlight in reply to Yass_123]

I was just thinking it’s petty of me to focus on my annoyances so yes I’m just going to go and pay my respects and pray for her thanks Yass Take care and HappyNew Year

[kenster1]

so sorry to hear that star thoughts and prayers with you all.yass-123 sorry to hear of your loss god bless you thought I would let you know we have a forum here called bereavement care and share and it might be of added support to you in difficult times.god bless and take care.

[Yass_123 in reply to kenster1]

Thank you

[kenster1 in reply to Yass_123]

anytime.

[dmt1121]

You cannot control grief. None of us can. It ebbs and flows with triggers that we see, a song we hear or just a passing thought. It is hard to escape it and the closer to the time of the passing of a friend or family member, the more intense it will be.

I found this meditation helpful for me youtube.com/watch?v=lw8VgqH...(Not working as expected?) I hope it is helpful. It is truly our loss and not the person or pet that we have lost. They are free from pain and free of this earthly plane. It is our pain that can be overwhelming but through meditation and letting go of the tears, we can begin to express it. It might be to write a poem, paint, visit a place that brings you a happy memory with them.

That is how they are now, happy. You can be happy too, over time without forgetting them but honoring them by enjoying every moment of our life to its fullest. Indulge your positive expression of emotions. We are with you in spirit.

[Starrlight in reply to dmt1121]

I love to meditate and that was helpful thank you!!!