It keeps getting harder

[SlimShady12]

I’ve been getting the urge to cut again, my depression is back. The only person I feel safe confiding in doesn’t show support Ike I need and often seems more irritated than caring. He says he tries to comfort me but it’s not in the ways that would make an impact on my feelings.

[Hidden]

awww i'm sorry . i'm here for you. i know what you are going through i've been there

[SlimShady12 in reply to Hidden]

It just never fails to come back. And at this point I’m so used to it I welcome the waves of pain. I’m not sure if it’s cause I feel like I deserve them or because I’m trying to feel everything or because I am so used to it that it feels like a familiar place to mentally be in

[Hidden in reply to SlimShady12]

you don't deserve anything like that but your body thinks you do

[Sleeplessme]

I'm sorry to hear this, and I wish I could help.

I will say this though, in the hope it helps somewhat. As much as I read about self harming, I can't get my head around it. I don't understand how it can help. I don't think it's a concept that I will ever be able to understand, and that's why I can't help much. I therefore wonder if the friend you mention is similar to me. If you don't understand something it's awfully difficult to help, as much as you may want to, and it can definitely lead to frustration. I'm not saying to abandon that friend by any means, but it does sound like you need to find someone else to confide in regarding this problem.

If you put too much emphasis on wanting help from someone who doesn't understand it could put too much of a strain on that friendship. So, for yourself as much as for them, enjoy the support you do get from them, but seek more specific self harm help from someone who does.

[LDAutie]

Hi SlimShady12 I am a long time self harmer and have suffered from depression for many years. I was told this little trick by my learning disability nurse (I’m in the UK) get a tuppaware box,some cheap runny honey (if you are UK based ASDA smart price honey is the best for this) pour a decent sized amount into the box,mix in a little bit of warm water (you are looking at making the same thickness and feeling as blood) and some red food colouring,mix in the right amount,and close the lid tight.Bring out the tuppaware box every time you get a feeling to cut yourself,I tend to run my hands through it and it does feel and move like blood.

For me it’s almost completely stopped me from cutting, seeing so many hypertrophic scars on my arm have also made me feel awful and made me wish people woud have understood the reasons behind cutting,not just assume it’s attention seeking like they used to.

Best wishes SlimShady12,I hope you find something that helps!

[Ocean_of_thoughts]

No the friend of urs probably does care.I'm telling this because I have a friend who cuts herself too.the thing is they might be battling their own battles,ones that u might not know about.the might be really busy and might not always be available. Or they might simply be very introverted or not know what to do or say themselves. Maybe they r searching for answers for u too.but a good friend always cares and would think about u even if they don't reach out all the time. But I think ur self harm can be related to some manner of self hatred,atleast that's how it is to me.so try to think it through and find out whether that's the caseBut,please Don't hurt urself.u would never do that to someone else u love.

Take care.do something that distracts u from this.u got this.

[Kangaroo_Alice]

So sorry you’re having such a rough time of it. Has your friend ever seemed irritated at you before? I totally know what you mean about someone giving their type of comfort and it just doesn’t “land”. Have you thought about asking a doctor about this? Especially since you really want to harm yourself. Tell her your symptoms and see what she says. You might be directed to a helpful therapist where you can be safe in discussing whatever you want.

Please feel better; you deserve to live a joyous life.

🙂