You think you know what you’ve got buried down there

[Starrlight]

Until it explodes on you because you’d stuffed it down

And now it’s time to work

Does anyone know what I mean?

[Dolphin14]

I do Star I stuffed it my whole life. I thought that was the best way to handle it.

My therapist says I stuffed it for years and then one day the lid just blew off and I couldn't stuff it anymore.

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

Do you think you were ready for it like you were strong enough and that’s why it came up. I am wondering why I need to address the past trauma now and not before or later, you know?

[Starrlight]

Wooaah. Im sorry so much happened but I’m happy for you, for where you are now. Guess what my I had traumas in childhood and teen years but the biggest trauma happened in 1997 as well. When I was 21. I’m 44 now.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight]

1997 was a year that changed our lives. Getting the feelings out in therapy is really going to help you. Some people don't believe in looking at the past. They tell us to " let it go" I guess I wasn't programmed that way. I had to go back in order to heel.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Dolphin14]

How are you today Merry Xmas Eve 🎅🏻🎄

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

Yes I’m looking forward to healing. Merry Christmas Eve, beautiful friend!

[Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you 🎄🎅🏻You will heal. There are different forms of anxiety.

Trauma needs to be handled slowly. I don't like to disagree with others but, I've been at it long enough to know.

❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

Thanks 😊 🙏 ❤️

[Luna-blade]

Hi Star hope you’re fine. I’ve been stuffing my whole life the minute I was born till now. It’s not enough that ones parents made me inherit pure ocd but it was also activated through traumatic childhood abuse. Ever since I became an adult and I’m still fighting that abuse from my family, brother who has temper and anger issues reflected in physical and verbal abuse of me and others who take advantage of how nice one is! In short, my life till now has been all based upon abuse whether verbal or physical in some cases. Today specifically my brother for no reason as usual picked up a fight with me where he became physically and verbally aggressive. I have no financial means like before to be independent. I do not want to spread the news to avoid family clashes and at the same time I cannot be victimized my whole life. All I could do was seeking emotional support from my best friend and neighbor. I dunno to what extent releasing ones anger could bring peace. One month. Two months! As long as my pure ocd can never be fixed but with medicine and my past cannot be renewed to heal the person I have become, I really don’t know to what extent we are able to really heal and fix our lives! At 40, I’m working on my phd which is good but as you or someone said, I am just hiding behind it to keep living. I view men as source of danger, disgust and abuse since I have been traumatized at home and I fear marriage and commitment. Christmas Eve which is supposed to be a day of happiness and love turned today into a memory of abuse and panic! Sry for the long message but to what extent one might heal? I doubt that full healing could occur when your psychology, identity, nerves, brain have been all worn out! Merry Christmas 🎁 to all of you!

[Starrlight in reply to Luna-blade]

I feel for you, my heart goes out to you Luna! All of that trauma and still such a beautiful soul. ❤️ Merry Christmas Eve! What will you be doing?

[Luna-blade in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you Star Well usually we have a family dinner with my father and brother and sometimes the whole family but this year due to very tough conditions in Lebanon, Beirut, I will spend it with my dad and brother. I’ll fry fish filets with some appetizers and drinks. And you?

[Starrlight in reply to Luna-blade]

My sons just opened a gift early from their uncle who isn’t visiting this year. We will be watching Christmas cartoons today. My family lives with my parents so many of us will be together. My kids will help make cupcakes later today.

[Luna-blade in reply to Starrlight]

Sounds really interesting and fun!! May the joy of Christmas fill you and your family with peace, health and love 💕

[c-mac]

I've been obsessing about trying to so something else for a living, casting about for "the new me". In short, living in fantasies. And at some point, I realized it was all anxiety provoking, not relieving stress, and then I thought, so what am I stressed about, really, that's causing me to fantasize? Then I realized I had missed a major deadline to basically justify to my boss why they should keep me, and that was silently, unconsciously freaking me the $#@! out. Once I realized that had been stuffed down, I brought it out, wrote about it, then brought it up with my boss, saying I was worried I hadn't completed it by the deadline. It didn't solve the problem, but it least it was no longer hidden away! And now I both feel better and am a little more secure with my boss, there being no shameful secrets anymore.