I wake up in such a state of panic every Monday. It really sucks. Actually, the first thing that came to my mind Sunday morning is "shit, I have to work tomorrow." After arriving to work, I was totally fine (thanks to that second Xanax). I have therapy tomorrow, so that's always good. I revised my resume and resubmitted it for the job I interviewed for last week. Still not sure how I feel about taking less money, but I do know how important my mental health is. That said, I have a conference call with the senior paralegal, the two managing partners and HR on Wednesday. Both HR and one of the attorneys indicated I should not be worried about this. Something about discussing a 90-day revamp. It's all just so much. Thankfully, we are going with a skeleton crew next week, and I only have to work one day.
Finally, I have found a hobby to occupy my mind. I bought a slide and negative scanner and I have been scanning my parents' slides. So many memories. It not only helps me focus on something other than my anxiety, but it makes me happy, and also makes others happy. I sent my cousin a photo of her with her mom when she was just a baby. I have pictures of my grandparents that have all passed. Even my great-grandmother on my dad's side is in a few (Fun fact, we actually have a five generation photo on both sides of the family).
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BluePeppermint
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I’m glad you found a hobby and a good one at that. I find that I can’t stop thinking about work -period. From the moment I stop working for the day to the moment I start working the next day (or Monday if a weekend). I personally think having some downtime (hobby or anything) will be a great help.
I also enjoying reading, but sometimes that isn't enough to get out of my brain. My ex BF is also going through new anxiety and panic, and I sent him a puzzle. It sucks when you have to work for a living but your work causes you so much stress.
I loved it when I worked. There were not so good time but they were few. Now I am retired. Some of my time is spent on doing the basics. In mid-October I came down with depression and anxiety. Not sure why but it has stopped all the projects I was going to work on. I am focusing on my health. Some positive changes have been made since this episode started. Please keep in mind that a good portion of live is spent working - we need the money to support a certain lifestyle and there is a social aspect to it. Whatever we transition to, even retirement, requires work but hopefully at your pace. I am trying to find that sweet spot now. With help from my psychiatrist, therapist, friends and myself I hope to get out of depression and anxiety. Then get on with my life.
Mine got bad in mid-October as well. I've always dealt with depression, but the panic attacks were new. I'm glad you are on your way to being in a good place mentally.
I also am retired. My anxiety was under control, so much so that I didn’t even think about it. But in Sept. I had a medical issue that seemed to flare up my anxiety. I’m not sure if it is depression. My retirement hobby of ceramics was eliminated because the studio was closed due to COVID. I really miss the creative outlet. I struggle every day with anxiety and panic and I can’t take an antidepressant because it enflamed my stomach. So I’m on Vistral alone. I sure wish I could quiet my mind.
I understand your feeling. Right now even little things get my anxious. It's like I want to be in a place where I do not have to deal with the world. It's unrealistic. But with depression and anxiety these things get me nervous. I am trying to deal with it. I am exercising every day, eating healthy, taking my medication and seeing a therapist. I am also practicing meditation and mindfulness. But that has not gotten my depression and anxiety under control. I wish you the best of luck and skill as you try to get better.
i'm soooooo glad you found a hobby! and even better, something that others can enjoy and appreciate!!
remember... monday's just another day. i know that sounds silly - but it is... keep reminding yourself - if you can make it thru other days with 0 or 1 xanax - then you can get to a place where you can do the same w/ mon's too... i'm not saying don't use the pill - if you need it - use it.
but i am saying - what's the difference between monday and friday? they're just days. the only difference is one starts the week, and one ends the week. but they're both work days right? and work is work. the only reason mon is worse - is because you're already worrying about 4 more freakin days, that haven't happened yet!! don't worry about them - you'll get to them too!!! (or rather, they will come to you) you don't need to call them.... they will come in their time. no need to rush them... let them come in their time.
one day at a time.
you wanna hear something funny? i used to HATE fridays - and LOVE mondays!!!! wanna know why? cause i wasn't happy w/ me. and work - was my escape from ME!!!
work gave me an excuse to avoid my life - only 1 major problem here... avoid your life - and you avoid LIFE... and life don't give a spit - it's happy to pass you by if you let it.
don't let work, or the worry about work 3 days ahead run your life today.
STAY in the here and now - worry about today only. focus on today.
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today is the ONLY day you can live in the moment!!!
Thank you! That's great advice. Easier said then done, but I truly am trying. I've never been this bad before. I thank God every day that I am not alone. I'm not sure how okay I would be if there wasn't another person in the house with me. People think it's odd my ex husband lives with me, but we make it work, and I've been really happy he's around as of late.
i know all too well it's easier said than done - but that doesn't mean we stop saying it.... all of us - reminding ourselves, and others...
And so, BP - because it is easy to say ... keep saying it to yourself- eventually your subconscious will get onboard!
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odd/ex ? not in the least! i've known at least 3 or 4 other couples that had such an arrangement. differing reasons - but they made it work to mutual benefit.
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marriage is nothing but a piece of paper. and the paper is nothing more than a piece of paper, which can say anything you want. the only thing that's really REAL - is the relationship behind it. whether platonic, "conventional", or '''other'''. you obviously had a great relationship to marry - why should you stop being friends or feel defensive, if the best thing for the friendship was a divorce?
you don't have to defend your relations. you may have to defend your relatives = ... but not your relations.
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... but not your relations.
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