I have tons of friends but no one understands my soul

[Justagirl23]

Why is it that I have lots of friends and they care about me and all. But I feel like they don’t understand me. They don’t understand me at alll! like they don’t get my signals when i’m sad and depressed and they don’t get the way that I think and then it looks like I am the evil or toxic one. maybe I’m indeed toxic. I am indeed my worst enemy and I push everyone away. but the thing is that when I feel like I want to die I feel like I want to go to someone and for them to hold me tight and let me cry it out. But I don’t feel like I can go to any of my friends at those moments. I feel like they are busy and happy. and they always want a reason for my sadness. like “why, what happened?” nothing happened I have a good job and a good life i guess i am just sad and i feel like its not worth it living, I don’t have a reason for the empty and depression. sorry i just needed to rant

[Ladybug9]

Maybe it's because some friends are actually just acquaintances. What I mean by that is not all friends are compassionate and truly want to know you from top to bottom and inside and out. There is more to being a friend than just saying the words. I'm not saying that your friends AREN"T good friends, they just may not really feel what you feel or can understand you even when you don't say anything. It takes a special kind of friendship for that. I'm an Empath so many times, I can feel or sense what someone is going through without them saying anything, OR, reading between the lines of what they are saying. I hope this makes sense.

[Justagirl23 in reply to Ladybug9]

you are right! that is indeed very true. I am an empath too and I catch on real quick. so sometimes I wish my friends were like that too.

[PastelPink20]

💕💕💕

You are not your depression. Recurrent major depressive disorder for me has meant a period of times where I isolate from my friends. I don’t like my behavior when I’m depressed and I tend to try to save them from having to deal with me.

Also: congrats on having a good job and going out to work!!! You’re doing a good job and that’s worth remembering to be proud of yourself for! It’s good to remember the things we can be thankful for... without making ourselves feel ashamed or guilty.

Maybe you could make up a code word or a meme or something that you can text them whenever you’re depressed and feel misunderstood? Like “hey sometimes it’s too much how I feel and think with the hopeless or whatever and I just wanted to let you know I still care about you but I can’t talk as much right now. I am sorry. I can’t do [xyz] right now because it’s too much. I can do [abc] and I would remember you care about me if we could [qrst] together.”

Maybe that’s too much. Maybe “I get depressed and I still care about you as a friend and miss you but am bad at showing it.”

One event of depression in result to an event is seasonal. It’s a life response for healthy processing. Like to the death of a loved one or a tragedy. But major depression disorder doesn’t need a “good cause” to be inflicted upon you. Blame it on your genes, your neurotransmitters, the electrical communication in your brain, your childhood, or whatever. You don’t need a reason to prove you’re sick. It’s a mental illness. It’s not your fault.

It’s a lifetime of learning how to cope, how to take care of yourself, and how to choose reasons to want to be here. It’s worth it. You’re worth it. I don’t feel worth it. Self esteem is the biggest issue - hah even my counselor said today that I am stubborn about not believing in my value.

Anyways, YOU. DONT. NEED. A. REASON.

They don’t understand? Lucky them. But, I think you would benefit from letting one person in. Like what if you create the safe space and occasion to be cared for... in a moment where you’re not freaking out depressed? Like make it a coffee date, treat your friend and say “hey I want to talk about serious and explain something about me/talk/be understood” or... just say “hey can I treat you to coffee and a walk in the park - I want to talk to you about something.” (And use that space to say hey I’m depressed and when I need a hug or a virtual hug, I don’t know how to ask for it. Would you be willing to be someone I call?)

Have you seen the show “Euphoria” by HBO with Zendaya? The main character is 16 and has a substance abuse problem. But episode 7 depicts her depression in a way I hadn’t seen TV do before.. idk. youtu.be/Sth5LY59N_U(Not working as expected?)

Ughhhh. This is the worst because I like need to take this advice. 🤦‍♀️😫

[PastelPink20 in reply to PastelPink20]

Or like there’s this slam poem: youtu.be/aqu4ezLQEUA(Not working as expected?) “Explaining my Depression to My Mother” by Sabrina Benaim

[Justagirl23 in reply to PastelPink20]

Wauw, you definitely made my night! thanks for your kind words, motivation and support! And I liked your tip maybe I should choose someone to open up to, but I find it so difficult. like I am really closed up when it comes to my feelings, my pain and trauma. even with my psychologist it took as like 6months so I could open up and im not even there yet. imagine emdr therapy without wanting to talk😅. but I will try and find a confident that I can pour my heart and soul to. and a code is a really nice way to let someone know that i am under the weather without much explanation.

and yes I agree, you should definitely take care of yourself and follow this advice!!!

and yes I saw euphoria, it was beautifully pictured! i love stories like that.

[CarzaraL]

I'd show them CT scans of a normal brain and then one with depression

[Anij3443]

What is your therapist saying right now? I'm sorry you feel so alone. I'm praying for you as you walk this road.

[JkBauer]

Good afternoon,Remember, happiness is a feeling and it is a choice. I used to have a life like that too. Then I learned something from a wise person that I knew. She told me this; "Life is what you choose to make it. You can choose to to be happy or you can choose to wallow in your sorrows." Then she said quote this in the morning first thing when you get out of bed before you start the day; " How will I choose to live this day, today?" I took this quote one more step farther for myself. I made it more of a conversation with God before I get out bed in the morning. "Father, God, Choose this day for me that I may live it in glory and honor to you!" - Let me pray for you. Father, I pray for Justagirl, she needs you and your help. Take care of her, help her find joy, hope, and peace in her life. For you are great, wonderful and loving! In Jesus Precious Name I pray, Amen