After several weeks off, and only one therapy appointment, I returned to the office today. I'll be honest, the morning was horrible. I woke up already panicked (as I knew I would), and throwing up. Took a Xanax which took its time kicking in. I was still experiencing a ton of anxiety when I arrived at the office. Thankfully it was just myself and one co-worker, who knows what led to my time off. After speaking with her, I finally started to calm down. But I was at the point where I was thinking about taking another Xanax. I'm glad I didn't. I then had therapy later in the morning, which I thought may actually cause more anxiety (because I was in my office at work, via Zoom), but it didn't. Long story short, my morning was beyond awful, but the rest of day was good. I'm going to take it one day at a time, and I'm hoping tomorrow will be a less painful morning.
Thank you all who have sent your kind words, advice, prayers, and shared your experiences. I'm glad I found this group.
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BluePeppermint
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I think I was worried about people asking me how I was or where I was, and no one did. I was mostly worried about what exactly was going to be expected of me on my first day back, but they really want to ease me back in.
It sounds like it went really well over all, by that I mean it is nice that they didn’t push or expect a lot that first day back.
I think my experience will be similar although in addition to first day dread - I’m also fearful for the entire month. There will be many people out on vacation and I imagine being asked to step up to things I have forgotten or things may never have known in the first place.
Hopefully your day two goes even smoother than your first day back
You're doing great! I remember getting back to work after several months of outpatient intensive care and was soooooo worried too. Nothing to be worried about, just stick to the plan, DON'T try and predict the future (you don't know it, right?) and take it as they say... one moment at a time. Boy is that the key. Just deal with one thing at a time, as they come and you'll get through this.
No, Hamil3y, I can tell you you're NOT alone. I've been in many groups where nearly everyone feels the panic upon waking and can't get up. I remember it WELL. I struggled with it mightily. I couldn't believe it; I would wake up with NOTHING on my mind and still feel in a panic! It just didn't make sense. Over time, as I healed through therapy and medication, it went away. It will for you too, just stick to your medical plan on getting help. You'll get better I promise!!
So glad you made it thru BluePepperment !I got communication from my job and they scheduled my first day back for today. I'll leave here soon. It's raining pretty hard here which matches my mood - dark and deary... and my anxiety is brewing underneath that floaty feeling I often get when apprehension starts growing. When I get in the car? Well, that'll be the catalyst. That force will fight against moving forward the entire drive and then I'll have to actually get out of the car and walk in. I don't know what else to say.. . I can only wait for this to be over.
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xx
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