hopelessness and death
I look and look for magic, for some kind of hope to grab hold of. I want to die with the way my life appears to me right now. Maybe it will get better. I’ll hang on for my kids. Otherwise I’d probably be gone. I used to feel I was connected closely to God now I feel like He doesn’t want anything to do with me. But that’s me, and the depression talking I guess. I keep thinking of death. My intuition is telling me death is near like someone will pass soon or maybe it’s the illness messing with me. Yeah. Sorry for this dreadful post. I just can’t keep it inside. I won’t give up like my brother did. I need a miracle though. I hate myself and I need to somehow stop this before it takes me under.