Relationship anxiety - Why do I seek assurances?

[Danp196]

Hey, new here so looking for some advice...

Currently a few months into dating somebody new but I am suffering with extreme anxiety. It is pushing her away as a result with my insecurity's. I have had a few relationships where this has happened previously. I either have a relationship that ends because I seek assurances early on (go too fast with the relationship) or I have a relationship that I end after 6/8 months because the relationship has progressed too fast!

I really like this girl and am determined to make it work. I just need to learn to take it slow and let it happen naturally.

[LennyL]

Got perfect advice. As a woman, who has dated to many losers, and have dated them with my clinical depression, my anxiety, and panic attacks... I tell the men on the first date. Listen I’m also a recovering alcoholic, so I tell them that as well. If this girl is worth it, then you have to always be honest with her. What makes you smile when you think of her? I’m curious? And you a perfect the way you are, don’t change for anybody- go and fix yourself, so you can learn to love yourself, once that happens, insecurities fly out the window. You can ask me anything.

[Danp196 in reply to LennyL]

Hi LennyL, thank you for your reply. I never really recognise my anxiety until I am actually into the person.

My issue is I will meet someone, it will be full on, both of us talking all day and evening. That was the long standing joke with us both was that we always had stuff to talk about.

Then she started getting a little less frequent in her replies, a bit shorter etc. I questioned it and she said she was fine. Everything would be fine again and then the same issue would happen. Again, I would question it and it would be dismissed as nothing. I am not someone who needs constant attention, I don't need constant reassurance but when the pattern changes I felt I was right to question it, which evidently has caused damage to us.

My issue is I now feel the damage is irreversible. We met up yesterday (socially distanced!) and I said I am really struggling with my anxiety (I have changed career this year) she wished I had told her sooner (she wasn't aware I suffered with it) and said she would work with it. I offered to give her some time and she said she didn't want to and that I needed to confide in someone to help but she would support where she could.

I am resigned to knowing this has run its course. She is insisting she wants to continue it but I have let me guard down now, I have shown her my insecurity and she doesn't like it. It has put her off. Is there a glimmer of hope that she will rebuild that faith in me?

[LennyL in reply to Danp196]

I know women. You still have to play games. I’m 35, and the games are getting old. First, do not make yourself so available to her. I swear she’ll be like why isn’t he calling me, it will worry her. Those long phone calls need to stop as long as you two aren’t fully committed. Bravo you told her. She didn’t run. Now you must find some help regarding your anxiety. She cannot fix you. She wants a man. I swear if you go and see some options and then tell her she will be impressed. And honey, that girl definitely has secrets, she is being tough, because you are allowing her to run the show.