Angry, fragile and frightened by Anxiety - Anxiety and Depre...

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Angry, fragile and frightened by Anxiety

Eklektik profile image
19 Replies

For the past few months, I've been having anxiety oscillating from 1 to 6 (on a scale of 10) in the same day. Sometimes I'd hit an 8. Things got a little better in the past few weeks with a higher dose of quetiapine. The day before yesterday, I had almost no anxiety, and did not even feel my depression. I felt normal and it was bliss. Then, yesterday, I was at a 7 all day, despite breathing and relaxation exercises, going for a walk, do chores, watch netflix and play sudoku, writing in my Anxiety Diary, trying acceptance, reminding myself it will not always be this way, that sometimes anxiety goes away in a matter of a few hours, cold water, milk, call my brother... nothing worked. Felt like hell. What do you guys do in those circumstances? I'll take all the tips you can give me.

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Eklektik profile image
Eklektik
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19 Replies
Eklektik profile image
Eklektik

Hello Daenerys, thanks for your response. I am so sorry that you often feel the same way. I will add your coping tips to a list I have started to compile. Be well!

Lve2dance profile image
Lve2dance

Big hugs.. I never really had a hard time until the pandemic.. I always was great at being my best self and had healthy outlets to channel my feelings.. I never in my life had a panic attack. I was on break from my job at the Mall.. I was having a great day but I felt like I was on fire and about to explode. Things that normally may annoy me really affected me. My friends are supportive. My mom means well but says basically get over it.. I tried to meditate, write, listen to certain music.. I asked for help. I was told I'd be put away or take pills and get fat. I am there for my friends and family but I can't keep unloading on them. Money is not an issue but if my folks see through insurance I am talking to someone they will make My life impossible

Eklektik profile image
Eklektik in reply to Lve2dance

Thanks for the hug! Here is a good place to unload! You can also tell your friends "I feel like I am asking a lot of you. Promise you will tell me it is too much". And if one of them does tell you it is too much, remember : you are not the one who is too much. It is simply that this person at that particular time doesn't feel capable of helping you at the moment. Out of curiosity, where did you ask for help? I doubt very much you would be "put away", if only because there are not enough places for people who do need hospitalization. There are lots of things to try before hospitalization. And if you ever needed it, it might be a good solution. I've had friends being hospitalized and it did help them. But you seem far from that. I hug you back :-)

Lve2dance profile image
Lve2dance in reply to Eklektik

My mom.. Because she is easily stressed. Or say tell your husband, then say oh wait you don't have one.. By your age I had a big home, cars.. Husband.. Kid in high school.. My friends are cool because usually I'm there for them. She should be happy I want to reach out instead of drugs or alcohol. 😊

Eklektik profile image
Eklektik in reply to Lve2dance

Definitely don't take cues from you Mom!

Lve2dance profile image
Lve2dance in reply to Eklektik

❤️.. We get along on the whole... And sometimes she gets it or tries... I'm blessed to have found this site... Every one is awesome. I have had crohn's since I was 13.. Not until a few years ago was a support site for that.. It helped me so much and even helping others helped me..

Lve2dance profile image
Lve2dance

... Or I get take the rod out of your butt from my mom if I'm having a bad moment.. It's hard when the people who love you the most and are there for you pull you down at the lowest.. I have to remember that I am a good person and I have people who like me unconditionally.. Then she says, I'm intelligent, beautiful, great daughter proud of my job.. But I wait for the next insult.

Eklektik profile image
Eklektik in reply to Lve2dance

The relationship with your Mom seems difficult. Mixed signals are always upsetting. If the folks around you pull you down, it may be they don't understand anxiety and panic attacks. You may want to reach out to a community organization that deals with mental health issues. You can talk to them, and they understand you. Some of them also have educational materials for the people surrounding the person with the health issue, so they get to understand and how to better respond. Actually, there are organization that exclusively deal with the people who are close the person with the mental health issue. My brother and my mother contacted one when I was suicidal. They say it helped them cope, and felt in a better situation to help me.You ARE intelligent, beautiful, a great person and you are right to be proud of your job. Don't let anybody take that away from you. Be well

Lve2dance profile image
Lve2dance

So sweet 💋.It was easier pre pandemic. A bunch of us as a group did Kareoke.. Went to this really neat place by me, had music, dancing... I spent time with my special friend.. the little things I do not think about until last year when it stopped.. My friend just now, had vaccine. My whole life dance and music carried me.. In the best times, and in the not so much.. It was super recently I imploded. Plus I always kept It together to make everyone else's life easier.. My mom has a lot of off moments. My grandmother was a handful at times... I'm guessing a lot is genetic and some is environmental. Since I can't actually talk to a professional I have to go by Google search. Even when I told my regular Dr I was having a hard at the moment.. She found out and lost it

Eklektik profile image
Eklektik

I have put dancing on my "what to do when anxiety rises" list. It is not the same thing as dancing in a club, of course, but it helps. For the moment, it seems you need to put yourself first, and find folks who can handle the fact you are not feeling well and need help. Although it is not easy *try* not to let your Mom's reaction get to you so much. She seems to have a set or problems of her own. For the moment, let yourself be your primary concern. Act towards yourself as you would towards a dear friend. Take care :-)

Lve2dance profile image
Lve2dance

Sweet yea.. I have eclectic spotify Playlist... I added a meditation sounds Playlist plus my favorite song... I like to mentally choreograph in my head dances when I listen to music.. I took dance when I was younger. I always wanted to be on Broadway or professional choreograher. I had a mini studio over the garage growing up.. I would make up dances.. When my folks had terrible divorce, the arts helped me. Since then it was my go to.

Eklektik profile image
Eklektik

Wow! You can choreograph dances in your head? How amazing is that! I'm glad you have music and dance in your lift, it seems vital :-)

earthtone profile image
earthtone

Thank you so much for sharing that. I'm new here and desperate for help. I'm not familiar with the scale but I know that lately I've been elevated, too, no matter what I try to do.

Not sure if I have any advice, just want to say you're not alone.

Eklektik profile image
Eklektik

Hello earthtone, thanks for your kind reply. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this hell too. I joined a community anxiety self-management workshop and it does some good. I also joined a support group. It does not solve everything but it helps. Peace to you.

designguy profile image
designguy

Hi Eklektik, (love your user name) I just came across your post from awhile ago. It reminded me of myself sometimes wondering what it was or how my anxiety had been triggered. I know the majority of my anxiety was actually social anxiety from being bullied as a kid and growing up in a repressed household. But I came across something awhile back about repressed anger causing anxiety and it clicked for me. I had noticed that I would get angry at myself for having the anxiety when it returned so I kind of tried to not get angry because I realized I didn't want to be angry at myself for having the anxiety. But I didn't realize the anger could just be from not being allowed to show anger as a kid and punished and shamed for showing it which made the repression and anger worse.

So when the repressed anger gets triggered I now allow myself to vent, scream and rage when I want and also have found writing it out stream-of-conscious totally unedited has really helped. When I am screaming and venting, I mentally direct it toward my parents, bully's and anyone else that comes up. The point is to just release and purge it. It definitely lowers the anxiety and feels great afterward.

Eklektik profile image
Eklektik in reply to designguy

Hi designguy! Sorry for the bullying. But wow, I too grew up in a family where anger was reprimanded and I had to repress it. I still do not do well with anger. I will explore my anger in relationship with anxiety. Maybe you will hear me scream in the next few days ;-) Thanks for the insight. Be well and in peace, and occasionally angry :-)

designguy profile image
designguy in reply to Eklektik

You're welcome, looking forward to hearing you scream - LOL!

Hope4me1 profile image
Hope4me1

You sound just like me. I had to look twice to see if it was me! I feel this way all the time lately. I think something is just not right and it’s bothering us but we don’t know what it is. I have days of pure bliss out of nowhere. But I do my best to get every drop out of it. I have not found an easy fix except talking to someone. Get out of your head, so to speak. Keep busy with others. Don’t be isolated all the time.

Eklektik profile image
Eklektik

Hello Hope4me1, so sorry you fell that way! It is in my recovery plans to start seeing people again. My manfriend is a gem, my brother is fantastic, but I have lost touch with friends. Yes, those days of bliss have to be savored. If there is I don't know is bothering we, it is very well hidden... Sometimes I have anxiety for well identified specific situation, but non specific anxiety makes me very angry and feel hopeless. I am experimenting with acceptance, doing things even when anxious and try to just accept that sometimes anxiety just comes out of the blue. Thank you for your tips! Be well!

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