So, my depression recently kicked into overdrive. I’ve just been on a huge guilt trip. I feel like everything is my fault and my life is so dull. I’ve been trying to let go of people and things that have been hurting me. Yet, I feel so guilty about it all. Like, it’s my fault things don’t work out. With ppl, with my job, etc. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I just feel like literally everything in my life has been a product of my negativity and my lack of self awareness. I feel super stuck and I don’t know what to do. I can’t even get myself to cry. Most days I just spend in bed eating a ton of junk. I stopped cooking and honestly, I can’t even get myself to shower or clean.
I had a lot of ppl calling me crazy and intense recently and it just all feels to be true. I don’t know if I’m just starting to believe what other ppl say about me but the point is that it is affecting me so much right now. I feel like I am crazy. My perspective is just so different than other ppl and I just feel so isolated and alone. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I just feel so insignificant. If I take my life, no one would even find out until probably days or weeks later. I just want to disappear at this point. I have no control over anything. Life is just literally running me over and leaving he behind.
I don’t have any money, my job is shit and no one wants to be with me. & all that just sounds like I’m complaining in my head. Like ppl have it much worse but I had the opportunity to make different choices and I didn’t make them. I just don’t have anything to live for anymore. I’m not even worth living for myself.
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Racheezy
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I know how you feel. I’m there too right now. I have been wearing only a robe for 2 days because I have no clean clothes.
I feel like I don’t deserve to feel ok because if I had made better choices I would feel this way, so I should just “pull myself up by my bootstraps” somehow. But I just feel stuck.
Im sorry you feel this way. Depression is really overwhelming and it makes you feel like the worst piece of garbage, but you really aren't. Everyone deserves to be okay. Sometimes we don't make the right choices, but that's okay. You did what you thought was best considering what you knew at the time. Its okay to make mistakes and its okay to feel down about it, but you are not just your bad decisions. You are also all the good things you have done, all your good personality traits ano much more. You are clearly looking for help here and even offering support to others and that's amazing! Keep up the good work and maybe try to get some clean clothes, the smell of freshly washed clothes and all will make you feel better. I know its almost impossible now to get joy from these small things, but its a good start. If you can't get yourself to wash it, maybe ask a close person to help you. Im sure there is someone who will be happy to get you through your hard times.
I can honestly feel your pain. I've been there before. It just seems so unfair and painful. The feeling that your are worthless and no one understands and no one cares. So let's be honest with each other. I do care and I don't even know you yet. But I can see you are at least able to articulate exactly how you feel. That is actually very positive in what seems to be a constant feeling of darkness and fear. I say this so you understand that I do understand and went through the same thing you are going through right now. But you really need to know that there are people on this help chat that can truly make a difference. We are all in the same boat. Each day can be a challenge or not. How we view each day dictates how our day will go. If I can make one suggestion. Try to find anything positive to do each day. I know right now that sounds too little too late but trust me it helps. There are many good people with positive support for you. And then there are a very few who unable to offer support but sound off anyway. Ignore them and surround yourself with us positive people. I really care that you get better. And so do many others. You are not a lost cause by any means. Take my hand and let me help you. I went through it and survived . You can too. We are all here for you. You are important to us all.
Hang in there sweetie, it’s seems when it rains it pours, you must persevere and things will get better. Life is hard at times and it seems sometimes to painful however there is a greater reward! You will get through this. How about take a shower and do one thing positive and reply back here. Let’s gets you feeling better within 30 minutes.
You are so worth it. You matter. Please don't listen to someone if they are calling you crazy, they have no idea what you are going through. I know its hard living with a depression this bad. You are not just complaining. Depression gets you completely emotionally drained and makes everything so much harder, even basic tasks. The fact that something is easy for others doesn't mean it has to be easy for you too, they have never tried walking in your shoes. Im sorry experience these feelings of isolation, have you considered talking to a therapist? Its a good thing you are looking for help here and getting it somewhere in real life can make it so much better. I also encourage you to stop eating all that junk food. I understand its hard to find motivation to cook something yourself, but nowadays we have so many options of what to order. Its been scientifically proven that eating junk food only makes your mental health worse. I'm sorry you feel so insignificant, but you really are not. There are always people who care about you, people who hate just the idea of a life without you. They may not say it, because they have never been in a mental state this bad and they don't know how much you need to hear them say it. Try talking to someone close, I know you are probably scared and you feel like you would probably only burden them with your stuff, but trust me, you are not a burden. Every single person in your life would much rather listen to you story than attend your funeral and deal with the loss of you. Im sure you are a wonderful person, text me of course in case you need someone to talk to about literally anything <3
Thanks to everyone who replied. I was able to get out of bed and shower. It took me a bit but I feel better and even put on a little bit of music to help me try to finish off today on a good note. I hadn’t even had anything to eat all day so I am going to try to get something to eat now. Thank you again. I really appreciated all of your kind words. This was a difficult post for me today. It was weighing on me for quite some time.🖤
I can relate to beating myself up over every decision I have made. The guilt is draining and sometimes I’m so overwhelmed I consider suicide. So I want to let you know you’re not alone. A friend asked me to join a support group, so I signed up here today. It’s one small thing I’m doing towards getting better. It sounds like you have done a number of things to make yourself feel better today. Good for you!
Your first sentence shows you know what’s up: “my depression kicked into overdrive.” Pretty much everything else you said is so well written and so spot on for how one can feel when one is clinically depressed! I spent huge spans of time in my twenties like that before I was diagnosed with depression-heavy bipolar disorder.
Do you have a list of things to do when you are depressed to help get you out of it? If not, here are some ideas:
Get some exercise! I know, it’s the last thing you want to do. Dragging yourself outside is so painful when you’re depressed. But exercise can actually do as much or more than medicine to take you out of depression.
Only let yourself sleep 8-8.5 hours. Sleeping too much adds to the depression.
Eat more healthily. It’s good for your mood, and if nothing else, it proves to you that you are worth being cared for! I find fruit is the easiest way to do something healthy but still satisfy my sweet tooth.
Connect with people. I know there’s a pandemic, but if you can even stop by a store and buy something from someone at the counter — how about fruit! — and if they seem friendly enough, talk about the weather. Little niceties like that give me a little positive feedback and help me not feel so isolated.
Now, all of here things are pretty f’ing hard to do when you’re depressed. But, especially the exercise, they can help. And, if you can, talk to a medical professional about it if it seems to repeat or you can’t get out of it.
Hang in there. Remember you haven’t always felt like this, and you will soon feel like your old self. It just doesn’t seem like it right now.
I am so sorry that you are feeling so depressed. I could advise you about a bunch of different things. But, I think I will help you out by giving you some information to trained professionals who are trained in this area. These are all free based places and I have used two of them myself. They are very wise and caring people. I hope that you will look them up and give them a call.
1). National Suicide Hotline- 18002738255 or text; HOME TO 741741
2). FOFTF; 18553825433 - They are very kind and compassionate and good at helping you find the right direction for you.
3). Celebrate Recovery; celebraterecovery.com >CR Groups> Find a group to search for CR in your area. This is an excellent support group to connect with people who are dealing with similar circumstances.
I hope that you will check these out and get they will all help you find the right direction for your life. God Bless you!
I have never used the text one, I always use the phone numbers when I need counsel because I want to talk to a real person - but, I imagine that they would respond back to you by text, they will talk to you and give you counsel, advice, and instructions by text just as you talk to others by text. -I am praying for you and hoping that you will find the right advice and help for you. I do have some books great books that I can get out and we can look up somethings that might help you with anxiety and depression and the FOTF 185538225433 phone #. They have some great resources and are very wise counselors who can help you through anxiety and depression. I have used them to help me through some really tough hurdles in my life before. - They are counselors who volunteer their time because they believe in you and that you are important.
God bless you and let me know if there is anything else I can help you with.
Thank you so much. I do need help. Yes, I would be interested in any helpful information you have learnt. Suicide is just a fleeting thought at this point, but it is popping up more frequently as the pain gets worse. I don’t want to unnecessarily tie up Suicide Hotline counselors since I am not seriously suicidal. Also, this is not my post but Racheezy’s, so I’m sorry for talking about myself here.
I am glad to be able to help you in any way that I can. Just as we all here are here for you. You just asl anything you want. If you just want to make a comment... You ARE important! You ARE valuable! You talk about yourself all you want around here. We want to help you overcome your concerns and problems. -
I, years ago was on some medicine, one of the side effects was suicidal thoughts. I was not a serious candidate. However, I would often wonder what it would be like to die a suicidal death. I got off that medicine shortly afterward's when my husband heard about what that medicine was making me think. Communication is first and foremost important right now. Hoping to be able to help you. God bless you!
I will pray for you! Do you have any specific prayer requests that I can pray for you?
Father God,
Thank you for this day! Thank you for AnxM and all the other people who are here on this site. Father, you are so loving and kind and patient with us all. Thank you! Father, I want to lift up AnxM, encourage, love, and give a sense of peace to AnxM when feelings of anxiety, depression, guilt, worthlessness come on. Show AnxM your love by bringing people, caring family, and friends showing their support and encouragement to AnxM. Let AnxM find a good support group to get involved in. I pray, Father that we as a community here will help AnxM and many others and each other who needed encouragement, love, and support.
It’s okay! It’s good information to have. Please don’t feel bad for using my post for this. I’ve used them several times so don’t be afraid to call. I get anxiety before I call so o have to kinda force myself to do it. They are really friendly tho. I’ve used the National Suicide Text and I honestly didn’t like it. That’s why I came on here instead. But it might work for you! Hope this helps.
Thanks so much for your message. I hope that you’re feeling better today.
I’m glad to hear that you don’t mind my questions on your post. A concern I have is whether the call will be kept confidential - like would they try to reach your family? And will they try to call you back another time when you’re not expecting it?
First, I love you and care about you. Truly. I don’t have to know you or ever meet you to do so. FYI.
Second, I have the same problem. It comes and goes. And that’s the thing. One day your queen of the world, next thing you’re feeling like a sack of shit. For me, I’ve been diagnosed as bipolar 1 (manic depression). Ups and downs for me. So I’m able to relate and understand everything you said. As far as depression goes.
I found for myself, it wasn’t my thoughts necessarily about myself. But my own thoughts I would make for others OF myself. Which taking that sentence and dissecting it and pin pointing the source of that, it’s myself. Hehe
I had to learn and realize for myself, that I can’t just think for other people because it’s impossible. Literally. I cannot tap into your mind and make you think anything. I can affect your thinking, yeah. But I can never control them. Be mindful of that.
You are so valuable in the world. Not just anyone can or will ever understand you. Not everyone experiences depression and those that do, like myself, can only relate with you. But our experiences are beyond different. And there’s not a single damn thing wrong or horrible about that. It’s actually such a great thing, it allows us to build ourselves and have conversation and do something about this kind of shit. You’re not alone.
I say this a lot these days now, because at least for me, it’s true. Seeming and being are two different things.
Understand the difference. For me, seeming is my thinking or mind, creating a distorted sense of reality. Being is reality.
Everything is ok, will be ok, and has been ok. The mind is strong. And your mind is your mind. And to me, that’s awesome to know and also good. As bad as things may seem, they aren’t so bad. Telling yourself continuously, rather than opposing it and or questioning it or challenging what you think, only enhances the negative emotions.
Pour little sprinkles and then the whole “bottle” of positivity in your thoughts.
You matter, you hold tons of value. What you know, I don’t. And I’d love to know what you know. Don’t ever feel insignificant, because you aren’t. You’re great.
Much love and stay safe and strong. You got this. We (humans) got this.
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