How much longer

[Llama00]

I went to therapy I said how I feel and it was fine, my therapist is really nice to me and I like going there because I feel safe and not alone. I'm back at home now and it's back to reality I have no friends and no one to speak to. The only people I can speak to are on this site and you guys are kind but no one knows me so it doesn't help much. I've said it before but I truly want to just die. I've never liked living my entire life. I just want it to end I'm tired of this endless cycle.

[AmandaHeather]

I understand. We will find the light. Do you have a pet?

[Llama00 in reply to AmandaHeather]

No I don't

[Luna-blade]

Don’t lose hope because we all have our problems. Could you tell me more about your case?

[Llama00 in reply to Luna-blade]

I dont have any hope left to lose and i have clinical depression and social anxiety. I'm 25 I dont have anything going in life. I was diagnosed with depression around 17 but I've probably had it since around 7 or 8 that's the earliest I can remember wanting to die and things haven't changed.

[Luna-blade in reply to Llama00]

You’re not the only one suffering. I’ve got pure ocd since I was a child and I’m always on meds. I suffer from social anxiety fear panic attacks... Don’t lose faith! There’s always something worth living for. Cheer up 😃 I have two female dogs who give me all the happiness in the world. They are my besties my daughters my world!!

[AmandaHeather]

Pets help. I would be lost without mine.

[Llama00 in reply to AmandaHeather]

I couldn't afford a pet even if I wanted one. I just wouldn't be able to take care of it.

[AmandaHeather]

I understand. I really do. I’m so sorry,

[Hidden]

Do you have a philosophy? I mean do you believe in something that gives life meaning to you?

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

No I dont. I'm just stuck living a life I hate.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

You know the thing with being stuck.... there's always a way to get unstuck. Just gotta find that way.

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

The way I want is to just give up. I just can't go through with it but that's the only way I'll never be sad again.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

I hear you. I know full well what it's like being in that spot. Feeling like there's absolutely no way out. However..... I've learned over the years, one isn't always sad. one isn't always happy either. Things always change. That's the one constant. I've known a lot of amazing love and awful heartbreak (been broken up with more times than I have fingers and toes). I experienced great gains and horrendous losses (my dad passed 3 years ago). But.... that's the key.... nothing ever stays the same.... and the older you get, the more you experience, and you experience things differently.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Just take things second by second. Take the step back and gain some perspective. There's a plethora of life experiences out there. You try and try and try. You never know what's going to happen.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Well there you go. Living a quarter century without having a belief system might explain why you always feel this way. (I think you said you are 25.) I apologize if this is overly personal! But I think you will continue to hate life and question everything... until you ask some very important, very basic questions, like "why am I here?" and find your answers.

For example, my philosophy and beliefs are based on Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas. I am NOT trying to impose my beliefs on you! But I encourage you to start looking for an explanation, be a truth seeker, start your journey and find something to believe in. You are going to therapy and you have reached out for support... you are already looking! If you keep searching... you WILL find answers. I sincerely hope you eventually find peace and joy within yourself.

Would you like to talk about things from this viewpoint?

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

Not really, those things just dont interest me. I don't believe in God and I just feel it wouldn't change the fact that I suck at life.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

How can you know until you try?

Ok. But if you don't believe in a God, can you believe in something else? Can you believe in yourself at least? That's what I meant by a philosophy. Something to make life meaningful.

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

Sorry, I just think my life is meaningless

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Just a thought.... it's unlikely given your current mindset that there's anything any of us are going to be able to tell you that may click to change your mind. So what do you have to lose by trying anything and everything? If you're already at the point where you don't want to live, but know you're not going to end your life.... then trying anything and everything, could give you the opportunity to come across something that may change that mindset. I've said this a lot recently.... before 40 days ago, I never would've tried meditation. Fought my friends tooth and nail about giving it a shot, because I truly didn't believe it would do any good.... here I am 40+ days later, and it's a part of my day. It's something I make a point to do every day. And now, I'm more at peace and calmer now than I was before I started meditating.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Good point.

[Chonky in reply to Hidden]

I mean just watch westworld (only season 1 the rest is crap). When you knoe the meaninless of your life, why you don't give a try at all thing that you want to feel... When you knoe that we blink, shit, sleep, and being basically Shrek for most of time... What is the 5 % of your time of your 95 % of meaningless shit that you suffer for live an opportuny that you will really enjoy (And fuck what the other think about that). Yeah, I knoe easy to say, hard to do. But man, If you want some meaning to something you have to suffer for it... If you can't accept that fact...

I was reallly depressive and really anxious. I was isolating myself a looooot for too long. But, you knoe what, I got to that point that I was consider myself already dead and just said fuck it. But, in a weird way. I start going to marketing relationnal on door two door living hell of panic attack with each door. All that was during 3 months of being in war with my psychic and psychologic mind. And no, it was not the miracle solution, far from that. But, you knoe what, now I can go to glocery without being scare and do whatever the fuck I want because I knoe that I will not leave harder then that...

My depress and social anxiety behavior is still there. Hell no I do not like being with people too long. But, at least, now I can talk with my familly and starting to have a possible lifestyle at MY image. Im sorry for the other, but, if you don't believe in god that is perfect. That means that you are probably smarter then you think... (sorry for the other) But, your duty is having faith. Not in yourself (for now), but in what you WILL become. And the harder you put effort with GOOOD strategy, the better you will overcome. And yeah, I can assure you that this fucker that we call depression will stay forever. When you knoe that inside your head you have three weirdo (EGO, SUPEREGO, ID), YOU CAN'T DO SHIT ABOUT THAT. But, its like having roomate. You have two organise WITH them and be sure that they equilibrate... The ego is that jerk that always insult you and take your food of the fridge. The superEgo is the superficial one. He is always with a banana in the ass (A real pain in the ass) And the ID is the bipolar freak that is always asking for money. And how you manage to always deal with them. Impossible. So, some ways that I found for relax your psychic. You cut the negative though out by :

Exercice

Thinking about the objectif behind suffering

Meditation (Listen to only your respiration)

Videogames and reading

Zootherapie

Etc...

And the most important diversify your tools and love them Men... Really better then those Roomates...

Well, a good start point is doing a priority list and do it one task at the time. You can gratify yourself with food or wathever the #### that make you happy. The speed is NOT the important. The efficiency off your work thats the key. So yeah. At the end of the day... Just chill men... Anyways everybody will die... so let it be it and let the flow (taoism philosophy) guide you.

Important : Philo is not necesserly religion... chao

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Try not to be hard on yourself. You’re young, your life is just beginning, and it could be great! Try to find a positive attitude. Give yourself a chance!

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

I've tried having a positive attitude and it didnt work. I always end up feeling the same

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

How long did you try the positive attitude for? What did you do to support the positive attitude? Asking because, it requires work. It takes a lot of effort to see a change. It takes time... time that you most definitely have. Phil's right... give yourself a chance. I say again, there's a plethora of things to try. It may not be just one thing to that helps to create that change. Start journaling.... write down your thoughts everyday for a month.... in a month from now, look back on the progress you've made. You would be amazed at how much one can accomplish in that time that goes overlooked. Volunteer... instead of focusing on yourself.... there are so many others that are in need, and there's so many opportunities to give of yourself to help the greater good.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Trtl182 I am really interested in your advice to do volunteer work. I have been trying and trying to motivate myself to go volunteer somewhere! I know it would make me feel so much better to get out and do something rewarding with my time. I would love it but sitting down and making the phone call, to schedule something, it’s so hard, I haven’t been able to get over that hump. Have you volunteered much? What has your experience been like?

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

I don't remember how long it was. I tried changing up my habits, going out and trying to have fun. It just didn't work

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Sounds like you are really stuck in a rut. All I can suggest is, try something new! Like trtl182 says, what do you have to lose?

That’s a bit hypocritical on my part, I should take his advice myself, as I am also stuck in a rut... but my problem is, I am afraid of trying new things. But, keep trying, maybe we will both make it out of the rut one day!!!