Whatever one's mental issue is, we've all heard for all of our lives that "you have to talk about it. Don't keep it to yourself." That is tough for me, but I have learned to get past the shame and "tough guy" stuff and talk about it.
I guess what I want to throw out there is this: Those loved ones, care providers and supportive souls wind up listening to me and you folks a lot. And, they have lives, too and needs, fears and problems. Worse, if it's panic/anxiety that you have, you must admit that it's a pretty repetitive conversation. I'm often so worried that I am boring the hell out of people or asking them for too much in hearing the same ol' tune so many times.
Yet, we're supposed to talk to them and I really need them.
So, has anybody else encountered this? Am I imagining their boredom and frustration? Is there a happy medium?
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Headspace2014
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You have posted a very good question. My deceased husband never really wanted to hear about my concerns when I went thru difficult times in my life. I had a friend say something very negative to me after I answered her question honestly this spring. I have basically given up talking to people about things because of judgement, lack of understanding, and stupid responses like , well that's just life. It may come down to how good your support system is.
Oh my goodness...I love that you have a mixture of animals! So nice to know they all get along too, that can be difficult. LOL Oh my...I love it. Thank you for that.
Yes I think that it does depend on your support system. I do think that my support system gets annoyed at my issues yet they still try their best to help me.
100% agree. That's how I feel too; I just air on the side of caution and not bring anything up. If someone asks, I keep it short now. Everyone else has problems of their own and the last thing I want to do is give the impression that my problems are more important.
I feel like I can only really talk to my therapist. I think it is like All_alone said how how good your support system is. Ive always been able to listen and be there for others yet no one can seem to do the same for me. It comes out sometimes and I regret it. I love my therapist and I’ve been through a few but I wish I didn’t have to pay someone to listen to me and give me good advice
I feel this way too. At this point, I regret telling people anything because it always feels like it ends with them leaving. A therapist is trained to help those who are suffering, so it makes sense to dump everything on someone who can give you solid advice (if that works for you of course).
"Worse, if it's panic/anxiety that you have, you must admit that it's a pretty repetitive conversation. I'm often so worried that I am boring the hell out of people or asking them for too much in hearing the same ol' tune so many times."
I have faced this problem in my life recently. I talk to my husband a lot about my anxiety, and he is amazingly understanding. The best part is that he has made a real effort to understand the intricacies of how anxiety works for me: what it feels like, what are my strategies for improving it, and what about it that I just need to accept.
However, we both hit kind of a wall at some point. He told me: "I feel like you are talking about this too much. It's not about me not wanting to hear it, it's that I worry it's not helping you. I have to admit, too, that it is wearing me down emotionally to hear these terrible fears described so often." He was right, in that I often was airing my anxious thoughts, seeking reassurance, when reassurance never really helps, and sometimes only leaves me feeling worse in the long run. I was letting my anxiety have a voice too often. As you say, if I voiced my worries, they would be repetitive. If I said "I am so worried that I might have to quit my job because I'm so anxious. What if I can never work again?" every time I thought that, he'd have heard it a hundred times, and every time it would just give more power and thrust to the fear. And he was also right to let me know that it was taking an emotional toll on him as well. As you said, he has feelings too.
I realized that the responsibility lies in me, not him (or any of my other supports e.g. parents), to talk about my anxiety in a way that is going to help, not hurt me. For me, that means that I can describe a worry I'm having, but not ask for reassurance about it. It means I can say "I feel terrible this morning. Can't stop worrying." And then my husband can know what to expect for the day, or how to help maybe e.g. getting me up and about, doing things. And it also means I don't keep saying "I feel terrible" over and over (in so many ways) throughout the day, even if I do. He knows, as I already told him, and it doesn't help *me* either to continually focus on it by talking about it.
This is my version of a happy medium, and I think it's been working pretty well. I hope this helps, and sorry for the verbosity
Thank you so much for linking this to me!!! It truly helps. What an amazing read. My hubby to be is so good he just listens and has worked on finding ways to talk me through my worst days. I know itll never be perfect and at some point if things get really bad for me ill have to make sure to let him include his thoughts. I feel as if though wording can be everything. Ive been brushing up on EFFECTIVE communication so that way he feels like he will be supported when he needs it. It doesnt always have to be about me. I hope he knows that! Even if im struggling doesnt mean Im not capable of helping him in times of need. After all thats what marriage is all about, 2 people coming together to support and love eachother. I have been in so many unhealthy relationships to know Im with the right person! Neither of us are perfect but after 4 1/2 years we both feel like each day gets better & better. And were talking now about things we will soon face as a married couple to make sure were on the same page. <3
That's so great! I also sometimes think about whether my husband feels supported. I want to be able to be depended on too, but I sometimes worry about whether my anxiety means I'm weak, and therefore not up to it :/ Deep down I think I know that's not true, but of course that doesn't stop that fear from popping up in my mind, sigh.
Yes so relateable. As a married woman that struggles with some of the same things as me I hope to talk to you more : ) if you ever need to vent im here!
I am grateful for you sharing this with me as well because I need to look at things from this perspective! It would help me and all of my support system as well....Thank you so much!!
Very well stated and great points about being repetitive, the power that we give to anxiety and the emotional toll it takes on both sides. I was thinking about responsibility last night while in pain. I'm glad that your husband has taken the time to help and understand and that you both can talk about your feelings. Open communication is priceless!!
Yes I’ve thought about this aspect often.
I must admit I am very conscious of others and when someone does listen I am very grateful. If I feel I’m going over the same things as I’m struggling I would tend to call Samaritans or some other helpline available to me it has certainly helped take the edge off so that I’m not bombarding any one I am close to with it constantly. It is good to talk but I always consider the other person too.
Over time I’ve realised that it can make me feel worse to constantly talk about it ..some things I don’t want to keep on about to someone ..and as a result for me personally I realise talking about different things and listening to what others have to say is a great distraction and it helps.
CatismyCopilot has some good points in the above post ,in my opinion.
Sometimes we definitely do need to reach out but if it’s the same thing over and over again I’m not so sure ..no matter how patient someone is I personally feel it’s human nature to eventually get sick of hearing it..but if we need an outlet a therapist or phone line can be a good outlet...or see our dr maybe if it’s making us struggle too much ...finding other outlets like mindfulness can help too.
I’m benefitting from talking about other things to people...sometimes I even get sick of talking about it now...
You've got a good point about talking about it too much, especially if it's the same diatribe. It can increase the inward spinning that happens when It is owning your head.
Yes. Sometimes the constant ruminating is being fed by not only ruminating about the thing but talking about it constantly...breaking the cycle is good in my opinion....
And at times it’s so refreshing to talk about something light and nice it gives some peace if one can manage it
I really appreciate this share thread. I identify so much. I got so sick of saying, “I’m sad and I’m afraid.” But I needed to do it because that was all I had to talk about, and communicating to my friends and loved ones is a positive necessity. As has been pointed out, however, it’s my motives which need my honest attention. If I’m looking for reassurance, and expecting understanding, I save those complaints for my professionals and talk to people who go through same struggles (like this forum). If I’m just answering their question, “How are you today,” I try not to expect reassurance or understanding. I report and then listen to how they’re doing. A few of my friends stopped reaching out, and have since admitted they felt so bad for me and were disappointed in themselves because they couldn’t “fix it.”
You are right about hating sounding like a broken record. But if that’s my only song, I need to sing it.
"But if that’s my only song, I need to sing it." Boy, that's the bottom line for me, no matter how much I worry about boring the hell out of them or leaving them feeling helpless. Sometimes it gets so loud, I have to put it out there.
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Exactly, we most certainly are not! Oh yes, I have!! 
I forgot already, didn't you say you had kitties too?
How can I live with no hope and in this much pain?
How much pain and hate can be in one family.
How much more can I take? 
How much more can my heart take
