It’s been a while. I tried to adjust to this nihilism. I don’t understand what’s wrong with my brain. It’s like it’s stuck in a place of irritated discomfort. I should be thankful and happy I’m not as deprsssed as I was last year, but I’m still depressed for no reason. I’m not doing what I’m supposed to do. And I still have no motivation to do anything. I keep trying to tell myself to be patient, but I’m getting really tired of this. I keep thinking what’s the point in living when I can’t even envision a future where I’m happy and okay with it. At the same time, I’m scared of what comes after death. What if hell is worse. Or if I get reincarnated to something terrible. What does that feel like. What if I just start over again but completely forget who I am. I’m scared of dying because I don’t know what happens after it. I thought this would get better, but I’m 30, and I still swing between wanting to die and scared of dying. I feel like I’ve figured nothing out in my life.
Oh and I stopped taking my meds as of today. I’ve tapered myself down over the last two weeks. And I haven’t felt significant changes. I know it’s going to backfire, and I kind of want it to. Maybe I’ll just let nature take its course and let whatever happens happen.
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pandaeyes1
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12 Replies
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Don’t lose yourself over death and you sound intelligent but confused over death - think you have done good and think of guardian angels god guiding you to heaven - feel the force of good
I have issues with common sense and put myself in danger but my mum pulls me to safety - you just need to be safe and care for yourself - learn to love yourself and be strong
No it’s okay. It’s not that bad yet. I don’t want to cause problems. They’ll just send me home once they hear im not about to kill myself imminently. And I’ll just get a fat hospital bill for nothing. It’s fine. I’m just stewing in my own uselwssns
I like to envision what my dogs would think of death. They don’t fear the judgement of a higher being. They have not had their mind formed into an opinion on what death or afterlife etc even means.
They just look for the next moment to enjoy or eat or rest. Being scared means you’re intelligent enough and open minded enough to actually be scared. You haven’t just accepted that one way is the correct way. You’re constantly searching and that’s not always a bad thing. It gives you an empathy that many lack🙏
It’s nice to live a dogs life. I’m not sure it’s a good thing either. I think I just want to not be in pain.
Please stop putting yourself down. I bet in a lot of ways you are very intelligent. Write down a list of things you like about yourself. In this world there are enough cruel, mean people who will say vicious things to you, you don't need to be doing that to yourself!!! I can get like that too, take a step back and know that there is good in you.❤️
Thanks. I really don’t like much of myself. And I don’t think there’s anything good about me.
Well, what were you good at in school, and what hobbies or interests or sports have you liked to do and enjoyed??? Even Eminem was good at English!!! 🙂. You seem like a very nice person, and that's a good thing in itself. ❤️
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