What do I do?

[cicihern]

I’ve been suffering a darkness that I cannot control. I’m not one to put my business out there but I thought maybe a group would be good for me. I used to be socially active and outgoing and etc. recently joined the military about a year now and it has just been getting worse since I’ve been in. I see a therapist each week but it’s not enough. I thought about suicide and was very strong on acting on it about a month ago i was committed and doing that helped and then i had built up anxiety bad. Anyways I don’t really want to act on my dark thoughts but i cant stop fighting myself still, everyday is a battle and im exhausted mentally and physically because i dont sleep well or eat. I don’t really have friends so I don’t get out much anymore but im just so confused and exhausted. What do I do?

[cicihern]

Also with the military mental health is a complete joke and they do not do much to fix it. And because I’m a female they think im bitching but i am not what i feel is very real and idk im just looking for a support group

[Hidden]

First, welcome. I've been on this site for just a couple of weeks now, and it's such a great community of caring and supportive folks who have had a lot of similar/related experiences.

What's worked for me in these situations where I'm just so emotionally and mentally drained and don't see a way out, has been; connecting with people who "get it," I recently learned (well, still learning) meditation, journaling (more like just putting my thoughts down on paper), trying to eat something small to at least put something in my stomach, go for a walk, get a change of scenery, clean/reorganize everything in my apartment, wash the dishes, basically anything that I can divert my energy toward.

Meditation and journaling have been great to not try to control my thoughts, but rather identify that they're there. Let them come, and let them go. Or at the very least, put the thoughts on the backburner, so I can come back to them later.

Feel free to reach out at any time. I and the rest of the community here have your back and willing to support you through this.

[FearIsALiar]

Welcome to the group. Sorry you’re going through a difficult time. Anxiety/depression are no good but you can most definitely get past it. There’s more to life than the anxiety and depression we deal with. Happiness exists and it feels amazing once you find it again or when it finds you! Please don’t act on those negative thoughts. I know it’s hard but please don’t do it. You’re so loved and cared for! I don’t have many friends either honestly but I’m learning to love myself and be comfortable with my own presence. Try and get some rest. Also please try and eat. It will make you feel better ❤️

[Icewall42]

Also make sure to hydrate. Sports drinks or fortified water. Military life can be pretty rough, I imagine, especially for anyone who identifies as female. It seems like mental health in the military was a joke for a long time, considering how long it took to identify PTSD as a real problem that needed support.

So far I’ve learned that feelings like this come and go in waves, some lasting weeks, some lasting years. The best advice I can give is to keep reaching out to however many people and professionals you can. I guess it can take a while to find that one person who gets the eureka moment for the root of your issue.

[Otaku12]

I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time. I have anxiety, depression, and OCD, and I'm in the comfort of my own home most of the time, I can't even imagine what being in the military is like with mental illnesses.

Is there anyone in your life that you can reach out to more? Parents, siblings, other family members, other females in the military? Is your therapist a right fit for you? I had to try several therapists before I found one that was effective. I don't know if the therapist is provided by the military, but if they are then could you possibly find one outside of the military? There is also medication, but I don't know what the military allows. I wasn't a huge fan of taking meds but I recently started Zoloft and some of the doom and gloom has subsided, anxiety is still there but it's a work in progress.

Other than that, is there anything you enjoy doing in your free time? Reading, writing, music, crafts, meditation, exercise, cooking, even just watching a good TV show (again sorry if you are limited with being in the military).

Just know that you are not alone. There's a whole community here supporting you. And even though the military doesn't take mental health seriously, I'm willing to bet there are plenty of people in the military that are feeling the same way you are, they're just hiding it. You've done the right thing and are seeking help. Let your emotions and thoughts out. You need to do what is best for your health, do not let anyway tell you otherwise. Stand your ground when others don't take you seriously because it is YOUR life and not theirs. (Sorry if that came out kind of preachy, I just can't tolerate it when people don't take mental health seriously)

I wish you the best and feel free to reach out.

[Zeppelinismyfave]

How are you doing now Cici?