BDD? I don’t know what to do!

[Windblow1971]

I’ve always felt like I am ugly. I’ve told a very few people, but they say the same love-yourself bullshit and that I am pretty (I feel like they are just trying to be nice). Recently, looking at the mirror, I’ve discovered one of my cheeks is bigger than the other one, so I’ve been trying to convince myself that it’s just my imagination just to not get obsessed with that (I suffer from Asperger, so I get obsessed with stuff very easily).

But now, each time I take a selfie or I look at the mirror, I see my face deformed, I see the same imperfection again and again!! I don’t know what to do!! :c I’ve been repeating the appearance-doesn’t-matter bullshit to myself, but it doesn’t seem to work. Also, I’ve been thinking going to a therapist, but the only thought makes me feel so uncomfortable... I am trapped right now, I don’t have anyone to turn to. I feel like I’m gonna explode :c

[Hidden]

Hello windblow1971. I am sure you’re not ugly. There is something beautiful about every person. I’m not just talking about on the inside, but also on the outside. People have different tastes in appearance. Someone may think I’m beautiful, and someone else may think I’m ugly. Even the most beautiful person in the world is not loved or found attractive by all.

CONFIDENCE is something most people find so attractive. You have to find it in yourself to love you for what you look like and who you are.

With love ❤️

[Windblow1971 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the advice ✨I’m gonna try, but sometimes it’s very hard. Any tips for that?

[Hidden in reply to Windblow1971]

Something that’s been helping for me is getting myself presentable. I feel like since quarantine started (and because of my depression) I haven’t had anything to get “ready” for so I haven’t been wearing makeup or showering as much as I should, or wearing presentable clothing. So I’ve been feeling uglier and less confident than usual. But I recently went out for my birthday and did my makeup and hair and put on a cute outfit and I felt SOOOOO much more confident. It really makes a difference for me. I hope this helps

[MsComplex in reply to Hidden]

I have no clue if you are pretty or not by general standards. Some how you have gotten the message you are not pretty. I also have gotten that message. In my lifetime I have also gotten the message from a few people that they genuinely think I am pretty. And there is a difference between folks that feel genuine than folks that offer platitudes. And then there are those folks that feel free to say stuff that show they value physical beauty a lot and feel oh so superior, so superior that they offer their negative judgement in a manner that suggests I should acknowledge I am defective and get in my proper place, admiring the beauties in life and understand that the beauties deserve better jobs and spouses and treatment than the unworthies. Part of me just defiantly says so what if I am not pretty by conventional standards; I am nice. Why can’t people say it is too bad there is all this emphasis on physical beauty when talking to folks that didn’t win the genetic lottery for beauty? Ok so one cheek is bigger than the other? So what. Most people are lopsided; some more obviously than others. Or be the friend that that you share the concern with and they look long enough to show they did look and honestly say look the same to me. And since we are talking about appearances, I have always loved your hair.

I have rambled.

And I hope people pick up on what can be contradictory messages. If you are concerned, it can be discussed. Don’t sweat the small stuff. You get to decide what is small stuff or big stuff for you. Folks don’t always agree on what is big stuff and small stuff. Sometimes folks offer their own stories in response to yours. Sometimes it means they are self centered; sometimes it means they are trying to tell you that you are not alone; sometimes they aren’t sure why they are sharing, it just felt right at the time. And above all everybody matters. And the world is complex.

[Windblow1971 in reply to MsComplex]

Thanks for the advice! Sometimes hard words do the trick. I’ll work on accepting myself 💕✨

[Windblow1971 in reply to Hidden]

Oh, happy birthday! 🎁🎊 Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for the advice, I’ll try it ✨

[Hidden]

I have been going through the same thing lately! It sucks and it’s so hard to really love myself I wish you the best! You sound like a beautiful caring person ❤️

[Laurennnnnnn]

I go through this too! I know you won’t believe me (because let’s be real, I wouldn’t believe someone saying it to me 😂) but I’m sure you aren’t ugly.

What helps me is focusing on a feature or something I love about myself. Also dressing in whatever way makes me happiest and most comfortable.

But please remember, you aren’t alone! I struggle a lot with this and compliments don’t help (they almost make it worse somehow??)

[Derpy_716]

I am replying to this really late, but BDD is really difficult and no joke. There's a lot of stuff on YouTube to learn about how it effects you and get an idea what you obsess on. For me, it's body shape. I used to think my nose was larger than it was and wanted cosmetic surgery. That went away. I used to think that my size 5 body (I am 5'9") was a size 18 from when I looked in a mirror and was surprised the size 18 did not fit at the store. That became manageable after years of the gym and changing up my clothes when I started to feel obsessy. Currently: I hate Zoom calls. I hate dressing rooms. I hate when people want to touch me. I hate being looked at. It gets more manageable, but you need to take it seriously. Here is a clip on YouTube from a search on help with BDD - youtube.com/watch?v=E8hDio4...(Not working as expected?)

There is a lot on there, but you have to filter through influencers...

[Gentlespirit]

Could you have had a tia or a small stroke s?? Or could it be its time for a trip to the dentist?