Discouraged

[AliceAnne]

I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for so long I feel so hopeless. The simplest of tasks overwhelmed me all the time. I have zero motivation. Suicidal ideations run through my mind constantly. I just don't like my quality of life and want it to end. My therapist is hard on me, and my psychiatrist is very hard to get ahold of. I'm considering going to the hospital for ECT treatments, but I'm scared. Thanks for reading this.

[Agora1]

Hi AliceAnne, You may be very discouraged, but never give up. I know that therapists can be very hard on us at times but it is meant for our own good. I didn't realize it at the time but

eventually, everything I was told was for my own benefit. It took me to not only accept their advice but to act on it as well.

Setting up a consult appointment with your psychiatrist to talk about ECT treatment might be a good idea. This needs to be discussed. Wishing you well xx

[AliceAnne in reply to Agora1]

Thank you very much for your wise insights, Agora, I really appreciate it.

[Jeff1943]

I think you are suffering from nervous exhaustion and have been for some time, Alice. When we face too many problems our nervous system flips, it becomes over sensitised and in this state it causes us to exaggerate problems ten fold.

Even the smallest worry must be the worst case scenario. Good outcomes are never an option. We begin to lose hope. Soon depression is added to our bad feelings: we become depressed about feeling anxiety most of the time.

Anxiety disorder doesn't just happen, even if you have a genetic tendency towards it. Something starts the ball rolling, something toxic in your life. This must be dealt with ruthlessly. If the cause of your anxiety is insoluble at least try looking at it from a different perspective, it may not be so bad as you've been thinking.

It's those super sensitised nerves that are the problem. You're trapped in a vicious circle of anxiety causing fear causing more anxiety causing more fear ad infinitum. Jangled nerves thrive on fear hormones, deny them their sustenance and eventually they recover, regain their normal level of sensitivity and you will regain your calm mind.

How to achieve this then, how to return to a normal frame of mind? What do you have to do?

The answer is to start doing nothing. Don't fight your symptoms as that only causes more stress and tension, your nerves need less not more of that. Don't add second fear to the flash of first fear when it comes. There is nothing to fear, it's all the exaggeration caused by over sensitised nerves.

Don't keep testing yourself to see if it's gone away for today yet. Accept it calmly and fearlessly for the time being. Let it come, it's only a form of battle fatigue, surrender completely to it.

Eventually by doing nothing you arrive at a state of grace whereby you really don't care whether the bad feelings are manifest today or not. You know you have the measure of them and their days are numbered.

'Doing nothing' includes not frightening yourself half to death every five minutes. Not paying attention to symptoms of health anxiety, nothing to be gained from constantly consulting Google because the symptoms are fake and you know it now.

This is not a magic wand recovery: you spent months, probably years, getting into this state. Let time pass for your recovery to assert itself.

This is the way forward. Accept all the bad feelings (for the moment). Pay no attention to symptoms, they are fake, figments of a highly strung nervous system.

You have good reason to hope once more. Make sure you get a full 8 hours rest. Even if you can't sleep that long at least rest.

By doing nothing you will eventually recover: what a relief it is even now to be free from all that needless worry and fighting.

[AliceAnne in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you very much, Jeff! You seem to have a good grasp on all this and I really appreciate your input! Thanks again.

[HD1960]

I purchased the Fisher Wallace stimulator I’m using it because I’m in the same place you are. And I have a therapist and she helps me . A good diet and dairy work outs also helps. Anxiety, if there was a cure . It’s like cancer.

Hope you do ok tonight... I’m betting on it.🙏🐻

[AliceAnne in reply to HD1960]

Thank you for your response, HD!

[Dave_H]

Hi AliceAnne, my name is Dave. I have what I consider to be extensive experience with ECT. I will say that I tend to agree with one of the posters below in that, by cycling between depression and anxiety (and I'm willing to bet poor sleep), you are quite probably suffering from exhaustion on top of everything else.

Ok, on to the ECT. I have had a total of 37 treatments, beginning in 2001. They were voluntary and at my request. The first 6 were what is known as 'bi-lateral'. What that means is that the electrodes that pass the electrical current through your brain are placed on both sides of your head. This was the standard practice for many years. Those treatments were not successful in relieving my depression, and left me with a fair amount of memory loss (mostly the couple of months leading up to the treatments). Other than that, no lasting side effects. I was hospitalized again in 2008 for severe depression and anxiety. I went through a total of 17 'unilateral' treatments. This differs in that the placement of the electrodes are such that only one hemisphere of the brain is subject to the 'shock'. However, the series was halted by the doctor in charge, who declared it a 'treatment failure', as I failed to have any positive response. This was done initially inpatient, but resumed on an outpatient basis, 3 times a week (which is the norm). The only lasting side effects I experienced was an increase in feelings of fatigue for several months afterwards, which eventually cleared up, and could very well have been a reaction to the anesthesia which was used. I have had 14 treatments since, most recently in 2019. Unfortunately, it has never worked for me, and neither has anything else, and I have now been declared 'treatment resistant'.

I hope that none of this discourages you from giving it a try. To understand ECT, what you have to know is that it is not the 'shock', but the resulting brain seizure that supposedly 'resets' your brain chemistry. During the time of the actual treatment, you will have been given a large dose of muscle relaxants, which prevent your body from reacting to the seizure. You will also be under brief but complete general anesthesia. After treatments, some patients experience some minor side effects such as headache, confusion, weakness, and the like. Most of this passes relatively quickly. The memory loss aspect of 'unilateral' treatment, at least for me, was virtually non-existant.

Proponents of ECT claim that it is the 'gold-standard' treatment for hard to treat depression, and claim success rates of up to 75%.

I admit, that it is a somewhat scary proposition to consider. Having done it both ways, I would recommend that you, at least at the beginning, go inpatient to have this done. I would do some research, and make some calls as to which psychiatric units in your area offer this option. Again, please do not be discouraged by my own personal experience with this. You may, or may not, be at a point where this kind of (what some people would consider) extreme option may be your best bet. No one deserves to be in the living hell on earth that you are experiencing now. I say, give it a shot (but advocate for 'unilateral' treatment). It may be just the boost you need to get out of the hole you currently find yourself in.

Hope this helps, and I hope and pray that you may once again be restored to wellness.

[AliceAnne in reply to Dave_H]

Thank you Dave for responding and giving me your experience with ECT. I appreciate it and I wish you well.