I believe whole heartedly that life mostly comes down to JUST DO IT. All the things we put off, or all the desires we have that could be simplified down to Just do it.
So if I believe it, why the hell can't I JUST DO IT.
I can't tell you how many times in my life someone has said to me, just move on, or just take a shot , or just do it.
And yet I can't, regardless of desire or need. I can’t seem to do the things that I need or want before the needs of others, which are mostly to my detriment.
I can't get back to the only things in life that have ever held meaning for me.
I can't move on from relationships that are, just not what I need, but are apparently familiar, and to be frank, the last person in my life at this point.
I know I have PTSD from my Family life, I know I am mentally ill, as defined by the fact that I CAN'T just do it.
I'd make the worlds best politician for the people, Because I would always put their needs before my own. Sad that it would take mental illness, to make the world a better place than it is.
I am miserable, depressed, I am bummed every morning that I have not died in my sleep, that would be so much simpler, and so much less painful, then living this way.
Between physical and mental pain of some form for the better part of 50 years, and not being here, not being here seems so much better.
I can't even just do that.