Happiness / vulnerability

[Jamescrider]

As long as i had anxiety i never noticed the least amount of happiness and high amounts of vulnerability you have i was just sitting here saying "i don't know what happy is like Whats the definition" i honestly don't know how it feels to be happy true feeling but as for this vulnerability i had alot of bad episodes at night which developed into trauma and now whenever ut gets dark or near dark i feel alot of vulnerability ..... Its crazy i almost don't know how to react to it but i learned but i want it to go away im just not sure how to do that.

[Lazy_dog_lover]

It must be tough to face those emotions triggered by night time. Many years ago, I had a similar conversation about my identity with my therapist. You are looking for happy. I was afraid of not knowing who I was without my A&D. Being happy was too far away from my normal that I never imagined dreaming about it.

I get asked a lot about what makes me happy or brings joy. I still cannot identify it. What I do go towards, are things that bring me peace. I also still only see external sources. I have not been able to find my peace within myself.

Other than night, what are your triggers? Have you talked to anyone about the trauma you faced. I would suggest altering your routines as night approaches. Try music for 30 minutes, yoga, meditation, hot cocoa, or exercise. Write a bunch of things to do on small cards, popsicle sticks, rocks, etc. and have two cups. Draw from one, do it, and put it in the other cup. When they run out, go backwards.

Good luck.