Behind Bright Eyes

[Pink2pink]

Behind bright eyes lies complete darkness. Everyone sees bright eyes but no one understands what’s behind them. You put on your “fake” mask so no one sees the pain and suffering your in. You are numb, no real emotion, you can’t laugh, cry or feel anything. You are an empty shell that exists. Sleeping is your only “safe place”, the only time you have peace. You are barely functional, do what you absolutely have to. Hide away because you don’t want people to see. You have given everything you have and there is absolutely nothing left to give. Shut completely down. Everything is out of control, no one to blame but yourself.

Behind bright eyes, filled with darkness.

[Freedom57]

Did you write about yourself or someone you know...

You’re a very good writer

I hid behind my bright but fake smile

[Pink2pink in reply to Freedom57]

Thank you. This is about me. I’ve been told I have big bright eyes and thought this was one way I could describe what’s behind them.

[Hidden in reply to Freedom57]

I think people with depression, like myself, or other mental health diagnosis are good at hiding it. When Robin Williams, for example, died by suicide , people were shocked. Sadly, I wasn't. I just got that he hid it. I wonder the percentage of people hide it . I do for sure.

[Pink2pink in reply to Hidden]

I agree with you. Even if we tell people, unless you have it, you wouldn’t understand. I think if everyone could understand how debilitating this condition is, it would be easier for us. If it’s not a “physical” illness, people don’t see it as an illness. I really love the people that say “how can I help you SNAP out of it”, if only it were that easy....

[Hidden in reply to Pink2pink]

My mom just told me that after a long meeting with my therapist to educate her and get her on board with the program. At this point, I looked at her and said do you have depression and have you gone through the trauma I've been through? She said, no. So I told her how the hell could she say that to me. Depression and what I've gone through in life, gives me the super power of being honest no matter how sad. What we go through is real. Just as real as any physical illness. There are a hell of a lot of us. I would love for us to roll out of our beds, even in robes (lol) and muster the strength to protest for our rights. That's why we feel like shit. We need a lot of support. It's OK

[Hidden in reply to Pink2pink]

There days I feel better and wish I can jar that feeling so when I'm not feeling good, I can open the jar and get those good feeling.

[Phillygirl03 in reply to Hidden]

I say that all the time! When I need a happy sprinkle (or sometimes the whole dang jar to be emptied), it would be nice to be able to pull those feelings back out and hold onto them until the dark moments ease their way out of my head. I find walking helps, watching a movie (always a comedy) or smelling something comforting helps. I use candles and aromatherapy A LOT and I find it will distract my thoughts enough to get ahold of them before I sink to deep. Take Care!

[Hidden in reply to Phillygirl03]

Yes funny movies! Hope you had a great weekend and have a good rest of the week.

[Hidden]

You just wrote my bio. I am in your same exact shoes. I always say, I should have been an actor. It's sad that we can't just say we have depression, for example, and it be treated like any other illness and get the help we need. My husband knows, but besides that, none of my friends ever found out, my parents do not care. I feel numb too, because of so much stress. It's a push and pull from wanting to be close to somebody, but then pushing people away because I feel crappy, numb or just nobody gets it. I sleep a lot and tend to be in my own world even when I'm sitting in the room with my husband. I get it. You are definitely not alone.

[Pink2pink in reply to Hidden]

I am so sorry to hear that you feel this way too. I wouldn’t wish these feelings on anyone!

[Hidden in reply to Pink2pink]

Me neither. I wish I can snap out it. It helps with support on this site.

[Kainan]

Hi. You have described my struggles perfectly. It's very well written and incredibly accurate

[Pink2pink in reply to Kainan]

Im so sorry you’re feeling this way too 😢

[Kainan in reply to Pink2pink]

Many times in the past. I'm healthier now, but I will never forget the struggle and hopelessness and that inner turmoil of being in anxiety and depression and being fed up with it

[mariapaulam]

Our greatest fear- Marianne Williamson 💖