Moving and need help

[Danzdanz123]

Hello I’m currently suppose to be moving to London for a course I was suppose to move Friday I found a job along side the course as an au pair but I got into a horrible state of depression the day before I was suppose to leave I just felt like I didn’t want to leave anymore even though I wanted to leave so badly all the time I’ve been home, So I told the au pair family I was sick and couldn’t come till next week I’ve barely packed anything Everytime I find myself to do it I avoid it or feel too depressed to do it I don’t feel prepared at all.... I just don’t understand my brain for months I’ve been at home I’ve been dying to get away cause there isn’t anything here for me and now I’m moving my whole perception has changed and doesn’t understand why I want to move now because I know when I get there I’ll be in a state of panic from being out of my comfort zone! But then I know if I stay here I’m going to regret my decision of not leaving and go into a depression! What do I do? Hellllppp

[YRU6]

I’m sorry you are struggling right now. I understand the anxiety you’re feeling with packing and the “avoidance “ that derails. I’d like to share a little trick I use to help when it gets bad for me.

The 50/10:

Set the timer on your phone to 50 minutes. Do or don’t do whatever you want during this time. When the timer goes off-

Stand up and reset timer for 10minutes. For only 10 minutes start whatever it is you’re avoiding. IE: Get your suitcase out and pack bras, underwear, etc. -start simple. When the timer goes off, reset (if you want ) to 50 min and repeat. The fifty minutes can be your reward for 10 min of packing, laundry, etc.

I pray this helps. I frequently find that once I get started I feel like being productive beyond the 10 minutes.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to YRU6]

Wow thank you I am going try this tomorrow Definitely! I’ll let you know how it goes. What do you usually do in your 50 minutes?

[Downandout123 in reply to Danzdanz123]

I tried some of this today, but I didn't stop after 10 minutes. Still didn't get a lot done though. I'm planning to put my house on the market in March. It sounds SO far away, but when I think of all I have to do to even get it to the showing point, I feel.sick. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to Downandout123]

It’s horrible I understand if you imagine doing its easy and when it comes round to doing it it takes forever! I feel like I’m going to forget a lot of things because I’ve got really bad brain fog at the moment but it’s good that you are doing stuff now instead of close to March because I know I would probably leave it till March!

[Downandout123 in reply to Danzdanz123]

Thanks, but I'm not doing well at all. On top of a severe depression, I have this whole moving thing over my head. I have A TON of stuff, PLUS the indecision is what's killing me.-Keep it or throw it. Yes-I'm somewhat of a hoarder and it doesn't make things any better. 😔

[Danzdanz123 in reply to Downandout123]

Hello well if it makes you feel any better I went all the way down to London today with 3 suitcases and got there and got a train back and at the time I was like right I know what I want now and I want to live in London just not now and now I’ve come home I feel like crap and now want to go back to London so I totally understand the indecision!!! I feel like we need some form of guidance because we really can’t decide what we want.

[hypercat54 in reply to Danzdanz123]

Hi I get this. If you don't know what you want then think about what you don't want as this is usually easier. I moved to London at 18 on my own with a job in a hotel to go to. I loved London but hated the job so just got a new one. It took a while to get used to London but in time I loved it. There is so much to see and do and in my 20 odd years there I bus and tube hopped all over the place. I had a whale of a time and don't regret it for a moment. I was an adopted Londoner and thought of it as my city and home.

I found as I got to my 40's I was fed up of the rat race and crime so moved to South Devon where my only family were. Now I just love visiting! So go and experience fast paced life is my advice.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to hypercat54]

This make me want to go back more it’s like my heart wants to be in 2 places at once and it can’t and I know I will feel anxious if I do live there and I don’t want to get to that anxious stage where I run home again it’s just a lot of stress and it makes me feel indecisive! How do you find Devon now? Did you ever feel quite anxious in London?

[hypercat54 in reply to Danzdanz123]

Very few decisions we make aren't reversible, so if after giving yourself enough time to adjust and it's not for you then you can go home again. At least you will have tried and there is nothing wrong in that. So on that principle what have you got to lose? Go for it and take a chance. It might be the best thing you have ever done.

No I don't feel nervous in London just a sense of going home. It can be overwhelming at first coz it's so big and crowded but you soon get used to that and start enjoying the buzz.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to hypercat54]

Yeah that’s very true I think my mind overthinks how I’m going to feel and if I were to be really bad with my anxiety my brain would then tell me I’m an idiot for not staying at home it’s like my anxiety will make me feel the complete opposite so I’m that moment of anxiety I will be set on the idea of going back home and once I’ve calmed down I will be set on the idea of Living in London it’s very exhausting!

Currently still at home because there has now a family matter that’s happened but hopefully I will get the courage to go and move!

[TailWags]

One way to look at it, 90 years from now, at the end of your life, would you rather look back and see that you went to London or would you rather look back and see that you stayed home?

If that doesn't work, flip a coin. Like heads you go, tails you stay, Once it flips, you will either feel relived for the way it landed or wish it landed the on the other side. Either way, you find your real feelings.

Or, since you wanted to go before, just go, knowing you can always come back if needed. It may be a little messy to come back after you got there, but it is still possible if you really need to come back.

Best wishes in which ever option you choose.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to TailWags]

I’m going to flip a coin, wow thank you I didn’t think of this surely I will know what I want because I’ll wish it to be the other side of the coin or maybe I’ll wish both? I think my hearts torn to be with family but also being far away. I think I’m also scared of feeling brain foggy and getting dissociation when I’m there.

[handtc]

I would suggest you give it a try. If it doesn't work then there are always options. I came to America from the UK and recall the challenges. If you try and it doesn't feel right at least you gave yourself the opportunity to find out. Have a back up plan and I think your anxiety will ease a little.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to handtc]

Does America now feel like home to you? Would it be weird to move back to the uk for you? I think it’s because the way I left to go back bike last time was a very horrible feeling I thought I was going to die every min of the way in the car. But yeah a back up plan will be so handy I will try and think of a back up plan and note it down!

[handtc in reply to Danzdanz123]

America has felt like home although I will say that making such a substantial move in the first place indicates a gypsy soul and as such I look at myself as a lone wolf that at any point could choose to move on to something new. While it works I'm at peace here but I take nothing as permanent. Perhaps you have a similar soul.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to handtc]

I think I definitely do anywhere that I picture myself being I don’t picture myself being there forever I think it doesn’t do me too well but I have a brain that likes to make plans to get out but then doesn’t want to leave when it’s time to go I can’t win.

[handtc in reply to Danzdanz123]

I'm sorry you struggle so much. The internal conflict is always the biggest challenge and my personal experience is it takes a huge effort to confront it but you can do it, especially with the right guidance and support.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to handtc]

Thank you this means a lot 🧡