OMG! I just found the energy to type this into a Google search. I’ve never joined anything, responded, replied or even read other people’s posts or issues. I was expecting something from NAMI or WebMD to pop up & Id read the same scripted information I’ve read so many times before BUT for some reason your post appeared & it sounded like the thoughts from my head had already been typed for me. Only in addition to not getting out of bed or showering in more than a week, when I do walk into the kitchen, to grab something to feed my Pup, I spray more vinegar on the towels that cover the dishes already in the sink & cover any new ones I add with another towel. The laundry in the washer is molded I’m sure, but because I’m not showering, there is no need for clean clothes or towels. I open the front door & step out long enough to let my ESA, my sweet Cavapoo, my one, only & BEST friend, go out to potty, never more than once a day so he’s suffering with holding his little bladder for hours & getting only the exercise he gets from running in circles through the apartment chasing his toys. I bring the mail in so no one will notice my box overflowing, but I don’t open bills I won’t pay. I dont check or respond to email, I don’t answer the phone & let the voicemail stay full so more messages can’t be left. This week found me at my lowest yet - For the first time in 10 years, Ive just missed my Sons Football game, the one all little boys dream of, his first Friday night under the lights. 1 of 3 Sophomore to make the varsity squad & the only 1 to start. A #1 6A team, reigning State Champs coming off an undefeated season - my baby boy worked his Ass off for that spot & his Mama wasn’t on the one sideline, he’s most proud of. He went to live with his Dad recently, our first time apart in the 15 years he’s been alive. What was left of me died - my soul died. I don’t know how to be ok without him, even thou I wasn’t ok with him. I haven’t left the house since he’s been gone. There were lies & excuses when I had him. Now the embarrassment & shame is all the more reason to never show my face again. This is not living, it is beyond Hell on Earth & if not for being raised Strict Southern Baptist & the suffering I’ve endured for so many years, the not knowing the fate of my Father after his suicide, I would’ve joined him long ago!!
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Body Dysmorphic /Ocd Hell
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