Broke, broke, broke

I'm worried I will never get off of disability and be able to handle working at a decent job and have some kind of career. I never seem to get much of anywhere no matter what I try to do. It's very frustrating. I don't like depending on a pittance from the government and a card for food assistance. And how some people are so judgemental towards me. They see me as an able bodied person who can work. They don't know about some traumatic experiences I've had and how I've been hospitalized in so many psyche wards and how anxious I get working with some people. I wish I was someone else sometimes, and I wish I had a different dad who really loved me instead of the one I have who coldly thinks I am a total disappointment and doesn't like or appreciate anything about me. I wish I didn't need any of his money or help to survive, but I do and I always just want to run away from him. People love to say I have a lot of potential, but right now it seems I can't even secure a simple part time job. Everything is apply online now .

[Hidden]

How old are You ?

If you are in and out of Mental Health Wards, would it not be an idea to try and do Voluntary Work in Mental Health. You have and still are having your own problems other people give each other support and that helps everyone involved in the centre.

Sometimes in hospital they do have Day Centres where patients attend and keep contact with those people they may know, Just a suggestion.

BOB

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I just turned 50. I split up with a guy I was with for 20 years, we don't have kids. I've done some volunteer work in the past, for almost a year I volunteered at an assisted living center for seniors where I helped with recreational activities. Where I live they do hire peer support specialists at some mental health agencies. I did go through a training for a week to be one, but I never went through with actually being certified. And from what I've noticed is the social workers give the peer specialists some of the grunt work jobs that they just don't want to do or be bothered with, and I'm not sure if they even pay the peer specialists minimum wage or if it's some lower wage than that, like their doing you a big favor by letting you work at all. On disability I can work 3 days a week, I recently tried applying at a nearby restaurant to just do something like bus tables or work in the kitchen, just something. But I do have more ambition than just doing that. I've thought about training to become a CNA after this coronavirus pandemic gets more under control, and trying to work full time and be able to completely get off of disability. Once you're on disability, it isn't very easy to try to get totally off of it. I don't like how for so many basic jobs now you have to apply online, no one wants to hand out paper applications anymore. I really need to know more about computers than I do. I have taken a variety of college classes, but I never got a degree. So that's where I'm at, just very frustrated. I wish I didn't have so much anxiety and I wasn't so sensitive. I wouldn't mind doing some other volunteer work but I really want to get paid on a regular basis for something.

[Hidden]

That's horrible your dad makes you feel that way. Your illness makes it impossible for you to work, there's nothing wrong with getting help to survive. At least you would rather be self sufficient. I know too many ppl who are perfectly healthy and capable of working, who rather collect a check funded by other ppls money, because they're lazy and can. Hopefully you feel better soon.

[Hidden]

The problem with what I have is there's people with bipolar disorder that do have jobs and dont need to be on disability, but I bet it takes a tremendous toll on them. I qualified for disability because I've been hospitalized so many times and it has disrupted my life in a big way. I just get so anxious too, I've tried to cope, I suffer in silence a lot. I personally think my dad has some mental health issues of his own, but yes, I hate the way he makes me feel, I wish I had a better relationship with him but this has been the way he's pretty much always been, he's not going to change. I pay my parents rent to live with them now and I miss having my own apartment like I used to , but I lost the section 8 voucher I used to have, and I really want to be able to support myself. I really get angry with my dad sometimes and I just stuff it, I know if I get angry with him he's going to threaten to kick me out. He has all the money and all the power here and I'm just desperate.

[Tara52]

I was on disability for 20 years and when I stopped believing all the lies I believed, "I'll never get better, or ever get off of disability " it just persisted. What's on your mind is what you create. People used to tell me I had to stop being a victim and it made me mad. However when I stopped feeling sorry for myself and got a new perspective on my future that's when everything changed for me. I wish you the best and hope you change too.😚

[Hidden in reply to Tara52]

So did you get off of disability? If so, how did you manage to do it?

[Tara52]

I got well by seeing myself the way God sees me and by his great love restoring me. I also had a change ni the way I saw God. I always saw Him as indifferent to my pain and angry and disapproving of me. I always felt codemned by my parents and thought He was the same. When I saw that God is pure love I was no longer afraid of Him. a He then was able to cast out all my fears with His love. I dont even attend church. He loves you too. I hope you can experience His love also. He loves all His children the same.💗