What do you do when you feel drained and barely have the energy to get outta bed ?

[MaryRupi]

I have an internship this summer (distantly), each week I have a set of tasks that I'm finding harder and harder to accomplish. I was supposed to have a meeting this week, I couldn't do it so I asked to postpone it. I'm also very late on the deadlines. I just can't seem to do it. I'm fighting the urge to call it quits even though it's a great opportunity with a renowned company.

A side note, my parents are emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically abusive, and I've been locking myself in my room for weeks to avoid them.

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caffeine gets me feeling alive again. that's all that helps me. actually sometimes i call a warmline when i wake up to have someone to talk to. hope this helps.

[zperry4]

Hey hope you're well. I'm sorry you're having the trouble at work, I definitely know that feeling of dread around being behind with work stuff. And also that massive urge to just quit, so I think you're not abnormal for having that much pain around it.

Is it something you enjoy doing? Of course I guess we have to settle a lot nowadays, what with the pandemic, but i'm curious if it's something that's firmly on your career path or more just something to get done for now in life. Does it have a lot to do with the lack of energy and motivation and all?

So yeah, i feel like I'd feel like a trash fire if my parents were treating me like that? Do you feel alright being more specific about it, just to get a sense of where you're at? I think it's really important you get help immediately, you can't play around with this stuff and your health and your life.

[MaryRupi in reply to zperry4]

I appreciate your concern. Yes, I enjoy doing it. And yes, it's firmly related to my career path and it could help me a lot with my career in the future.

No, it's not about not having motivation per say. Yes, I feel drained of energy, but it's because I have to deal with a narcissistic mother and an enabler father on a daily basis. I'm actually starting to have suicidal thoughts. I get these excruciatingly painful headaches whenever I start working, which never happened before. And I cannot focus at all when reading.

I'm here because I know I need help, and I cannot afford to have it elsewhere. My parents are against therapy, and I'm not financially independent yet. I saved some money starving myself, but it's still not enough cause therapy where I live is really expensive.

[zperry4 in reply to MaryRupi]

You know, I think I actually have had smaller versions of a lot of this stuff before. And that all sounds truly terrible, and I think you have a lot of courage to keep going through that, I'm not sure I could.

A new onset of headaches or other pains and stuff is a pretty clear sign usually, there's definitely something coming to a boil, and I think you're obviously dealing with a lot. I'm not really sure what advice you could use beyond just chatting more about it, which I'm happy to do. But just a few things I think are more straighforward

-definitely don't starve yourself, even if it's for money. it does so much damage to you and will always cost you more in the long run

-definitely address the suicidial ideation right away, whichever ways you can, that's really important.

[MaryRupi in reply to zperry4]

You're really sweet, I definitely need someone to talk to. I feel so alone. I have no friends. I have no family other than my parents and my sister. I cannot sleep at night anymore. I can barely articulate anything. I feel like I cannot carry on anymore. I feel like each year it gets darker and darker. I cannot eat when I am studying at uni, that's why I starve myself, I can't even stand the smell of food. I hinted at the suicide thing many times to my sister, she just says "awww" and moves on.

I am really sorry you had to go through similar things, even if it's a smaller version of it.

[zperry4 in reply to MaryRupi]

Well I’m glad that you can open up and grateful that you trust people with your details, I know it’s damn hard to most of the time. I also am desperate for people to talk to for help, I really don’t have friends either and I have burned a lot of bridges with the family I live with too, so ditto there and I know the feeling. Sleep is also rough for many reasons. And yeah it does feel like things trend downward year after year, of course it’s not healthy to generalise, but it’s true.

That’s really messed up, no one should ever be in a place and with people who just can’t be bothered like that. I’ve seen too many people on a cliff edge to walk away or not have alarm bells go off.

I appreciate that. If you feel comfortable leaving any more details, I’d love to hear more about all this, maybe try to share anything I know. Enjoy the evening or whatever’s geographically appropriate.