Day 8

[Blu_A25]

Hello everyone , I have been feeling good lately . My LPN started me on Venlafaxine 37.5 once every 24hrz. It has helped my anxiety tremendously. Also Mirtazapine has been good as well help me go to sleep cause I use to stay up til 2am have bad dreams , wake up and be tried the next morning. Just a cycle . It’s only been 8days . Hopefully , this works out . I had a dream last night that I drowned . It felt real but I woke up after so I don’t know what happened after that. I don’t know if that’s the effect of the medicine or it’s another one of my crazy dreams ..

[Ladybug9]

Yay!!! I love good stories and posts! Thank you for sharing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Phoenix81]

Hi! I've been on mirtazapine since 2017. My anxiety symptoms were primarily gastrointestinal (I had bloodwork, an upper abdominal CT, and meds for: heartburn, IBS, and nausea... before being referred to pysch). Anyway, mirtazapine helped with the nausea soooo much, as well as regulating my sleep. I have surreal deep dreams (more so than usual) with the occasional unpleasant/unsettling nightmare. Anyway, I started at the lowest dose. For various reasons, the dose was increased until I was at 45mg.

All my life I've always had problems gaining weight, no matter what calorie-packed diet I tried (people making fun of me for being too thin, or making assumptions about me really messed with my head, too..). mirtazapine rocketed me right into the middle of a healthy BMI (I gained about 30lbs), even though my eating habits remained the same. I guess my body was finally holding on to the calories. I love being at a healthy weight! The only bad thing is that I have had bad bloat. I seriously look pregnant - belly straight out (just like I was when I was preg with my daughter 6 years ago). Worst thing was that family and family friends constantly ask me if I'm pregnant or insist that I am. It's very hurtful. ....I also feel a little sluggish in my movements (maybe I'm just not used to having this normal weight on me).

Anyway, with the approval of my psych, I lowered my dose back to 15mg (it took a lot of work, doing half-doses for several weeks to "baby step" my way down, to minimize nausea). I still had nausea occasionally. Usually alprazolam and/or benadryl helps, along with various self-care things I do.

Honestly, my aim was to go off mirtazapine entirely eventually, see how I do.....and if I need a daily anxiety med I'd try something else. ...Then 2020 happened with two deaths in the family (one sudden but natural death in early Jan and the other a covid death in May) and the coronavirus situation in general. I decided to hold at 15mg mirtazapine because I felt that now was not the time to test "going without."

Anyway, I've had some breakthrough nausea and other anxiety symptoms (jitteriness, accelerated heartrate, heartburn, stomach upset, a few more insomnia days, headaches, etc). My choices are to increase the mirtazapine up to 30mg (which was my proposal but I kind of don't want to do that because I worked so hard to get down to 15mg -- and that was pre-pandemic times) or try a new one that my psych says may work better for me -- amitriptyline. Best thing is to try the amitriptyline first, but I'm scared it won't work (or will disagree with me) or that my body will "miss" the mirtazapine (manifesting as nausea or insomnia, etc). My psych says there are no withdrawal symptoms for mirtazapine but that hasn't been my experience (while lowering my dose) and isn't reflected in what I read online (not everyone experiences difficulty, but many do -- at least enough to talk about it online anyway). On the other hand, amitriptyline could be EXACTLY what my body needs right now -- the "perfect" thing!

Anyway, just felt like sharing my journey. LOL ...All these psych meds work differently for everyone. Some people experience no to little bloating with mirtazapine; exercise+diet keeps their bodies exactly where they want them to be.....whereas others pack on the weight and bloating and can't counter those effects, no matter how hard they try.

One thing's for sure, I do enjoy the sleep that mirtazapine gives me. Most of the time, I fall asleep quickly, feeling calm, and straight through the night, often with wonderfully surreal vivid immersive dreams. It's nice not to have to "struggle" to sleep (which I did for soooo many years before trying any medications). I think, if I'm not on mirtazapine anymore, I'd miss the restful sleep. Supposedly amitriptyline makes you drowsy (it's recommended to take it at bedtime) but I have no clue what quality of sleep/dreams I'll have on it.

Mirtazapine sleep.. It's so wonderful. It's a gently insistent "pull down" into dream land, but not in the least bit harsh or overpowering (like, if you have an emergency in the middle of the night, you can wake up and function).

Anyway, I'm glad your meds mix is working for you! Mirtazapine is a sleep miracle. lol

[Blu_A25 in reply to Phoenix81]

Thank you for sharing . I am glad I’m not the only one having vivid dreams . The only thing I will say is when I take (Ven) I only take it once a day and now that I’m a week into it . My anxiety is coming back so I don’t know if it’s because my body is getting use to it now and, I need a higher dose or should I just change my medication all together .

I can relate I use to be skinny weighing 115 pounds and after I had my daughter Gabriella in July of 2018 . It’s been hard for me cut the belly weight ,and I don’t like the gaining weight part because it mess with my confidence, and self image . I’ve always had a nice body “in my eyes” and now I have to learn to love a different image of myself . It’s been hard for me . Really hard . My husband I’ve known him since middle school . But we didn’t start dating til after high school and I’ve always been skinny and now I’m gaining weight and, he says comments that are not nice but I know he’s not trying to be mean but it’s hard to hear. So I’ve been trying to find the motivation to go to the gym and work out but this medicine has made me gain more weight than I need . I’ve gained 5-6 pounds already. I think I am going to change my medication I just want to do it for the right reasons.

Stay strong ❤️❤️

[Phoenix81 in reply to Blu_A25]

I never liked being underweight but I struggled to make peace with it. I finally got there and then the one thing (this medication lol) in the world made me gain weight. The weight is good, but the "faux-preg bloat" is not! It's hard to "love" my new body that looks pregnant (and gets attention/comments/questions) but isn't. Ugh. I occasionally shop for new clothes, whatever makes me feel pretty and I'm torn between small and extra small (it always depends on the fit of the item). An item may fit just fine in the shoulders and bust but the gut -- NOPE! But if I size up to accommodate the faux-preg belly, the shoulders and bust are too roomy. ...Sometimes I go for things that are gathered at the bust and loose beneath (empire waist?) but depending on how it wears on me, it *could* look like I'm trying to hide a pregnancy. FFS. LOL ...And if I do change to the amitriptyline, my body could very well go back to its "slightly underweight" thing, which is okay for me as long as I don't have the torpedo belly anymore *and* as long as my mental health is okay.

And I'm so sorry your husband is so thoughtless with his comments. My partner doesn't make comments about my stomach (he's pretty overweight himself, so..), but I still feel self-conscious when I'm naked in front of him. Your husband's comments are obviously enough to make you feel like you need to vent about it on the internet and find others dealing with body issues as well.... Maybe tell him that so he understands how deeply his comments get to you? As for the gym, workouts (however and wherever you do them) are a healthy move. You might be able to lose weight, but I think pregnancy shapes our bodies differently, y'know? You can be fit as a fiddle ("perfect" weight and toned everything) but have loose saggy belly skin, too... Just be realistic about your expectations. I think simply working out will make your body feel better inside.. You'll have more stamina, better strength, less random injuries, and probably better sleep, too. In other words, do it for you.