“In-laws” pushing me to the edge.

[LuceRM]

When COVID-19 hit, my partner invited me to stay at his house. I have severe separation anxiety from people whom I deem my “safe place” - which he is. I offered rent to his parents who declined. Since a few weeks ago, I did everything. His mother doesn’t work and her role is ‘housewife’ as she gave up work initially to care for my partner and his brother (despite them being in their 20s) and my partners father - as well as looking after the house. I moved in, cleaned the kitchen regularly, did everyone’s washing, often cleaned the lounge and hoovered everyday. I cleaned the pool every week, cleaned up during social gatherings, I ended up cooking for everyone including my partners niece and nephew too. This whole shitshow all started when I underwent investigative tests for my endometriosis after ending up in A&E with severe pain. I came home after having a scan and I spent the next day in bed, feeling extremely low. During that time I forgot to put a wash on the line and it all kicked off. Since that moment, each day, his mother has something negative to say about me. My partner told me to stop assisting round the house as his mum wouldn’t do anything for us (not even take a bin out despite it being full) and kept making constant complaints that we were lazy and didn’t do anything which is false. My partner and I began looking after ourselves only but being decent human beings where necessary (unloading the dishwasher or washing machine when we needed to use it etc.) but last Friday, my partner had an argument with his parents and a comment was made about me not doing a lot round the house. I am extremely hurt by this. Today, the same comment was made but his mum also said ‘well if [Name] was to pull her weight around the house). This has made it awkward for me and my partner and I’m so overly frustrated and hurt I keep getting into borderline panic attacks and just crying. What do you think I should do?

[Ladybug9]

That is what I consider abuse to you! How much do they expect? Obviously more than you can possibly do! They are taking advantage and that is just wrong.

[SunnyTomorrow22]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I know it's a tense time for everyone and I hope in the midst of all this you guys can come to some sort of middle ground for everyone's sake. It's hard blending people together under normal circumstances let alone doing it under the stress that covid causes. Sometimes when parents move in with adult children the family dynamic reverts back to the way it used to be when they were younger, and things get uncomfortable for everyone. Maybe having a family meeting and discussing everyone's expectations and roles would be helpful? Finding a respectful common ground is in everyone's best interest. Also opinions are like gifts! You can choose to take it or you can leave it be with the giver. If they are being negative just say to yourself no thank you!