On the edge of giving up

[Heruga]

I'm feeling extremely suicidal at the moment and don't know what to do. I have a freshly picked up prescription bottle of 30 sertraline tablets aside me. But I'm scared to do it, yet I'm also very scared to live on through this blob of misery called life. I just want to be in peace. It looks like nature is calling for my help with fertilizing. How peaceful is it to rest in a woodland aside flowering plants? As a gardener, it is my dream location to end it.

[Buffy19]

Call someone. Don’t do it. As scary as it seems there has to be something good in your life. Something to live for. The hope of tomorrow. Call someone now

[Beerglass]

Smoke a joint if you can and lay on the couch and throw on a comedy laughing helps me sometimes

[howard327]

As a gardener I would think that you would not want to miss the beautiful flowers as they bloom in Spring. You have spent your life nurturing these plants. I sincerely hope that you continue to live and find help from a professional counselor. We are here to support you. Please call someone to be with you now! Howard

[Anxiousjy]

Hi! Please don’t do it. You van do this!!! Don’t let this stupid illness win. You are worth it! Please message me if you want somebody to talk to.

[hypercat54]

Hi sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. I am on sertraline and I asked my doctor once if it was possible to kill yourself on them and she said no way. Well I tried anyway and all it did was send me to sleep for a few hours. That's one reason why they prescribe the newer meds these days as they are much less toxic if you do overdose on them. x

[Bsmith413 in reply to hypercat54]

Yes and probobly just give you a stomach ache

[tashalyn]

Am exactly where you are. I look at life and I feel pain an overwhelming pain, but I won’t let this damn illness win, take it from someone who is exactly where you are feeling the same suffering you are feeling; it will end, the pain eventually will end. Please be around someone you love, please reach out for professional help. Don’t think of more than one day at a time. Slowly just one day at a time. Your life is worth so much

[Heruga]

Thank you everyone, but please give me a very good reason why I should keep continuing to live this life thats nothing but misery. As for the people around me, I really don't have any friends, in fact everyone betrays me. My family is the only thing I have but I'm sure they'll understand the pain I'm going through and therefore accept my decision

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Heruga]

Because things can change. Even six months ago I was in a terrible place. I was suicidal virtually daily for around two years. I put it down to complex grief over my late mum who was a narcissist and so caused me a lot of problems and I was grieving for all the life and growth I had missed.

We are all different and of course your reasons won't be the same but I can tell you one day I just woke up and the misery had gone. I don't know why; it was just like a switch flicking.

Another good reason is that it hurts for ever people who care about you. Even if you don't have any close family (and I don't know whether you do or not) . (Sorry just seen that you do have a family) but even if you have no apparent friends you may be underestimating how people feel about you. It can destroy other people when someone takes their life. I know as I have a friend whose son did it at the age of 22 and another friend whose twin sister did it at the age of 50. Life is never the same again for these people. They never recover.

But the main reason is for you. There is good in life and in your turn if you get all the help that you can then maybe in the future things will ease for you.

I sincerely hope you can feel a glimmer of light. Thinking of you.

Gemma XXx

[Heruga in reply to Stilltrying_]

Even if that means part of the reason why I post this thread is because I have a very negative perspective in life no matter how many or what kind of good things happen? Everything is just hopeless for me, even if some situations are happy ones. Ex: It was Friday and I should be happy that the weekend is coming up and not having to work. But for some reason I don't think that way anymore. I just see it as just another boring and dull weekend to come up and only lasting 2 days and I go back to work again. And btw, it isn't exactly 'boring' from another person's perspective. I go out a lot and do a lot of outdoor activities but I don't find that a reason to be happy. So no, its not like I'm stuck in bed all weekend. So my point is.... people usually tell you to exercise or do some activities when you are depressed and I am doing all that but it does no help at all. My complete lack of motivation and hopelessness on everything simply just scratches off all the fun and joy I should be experiencing.

So you say good things can happen in life and will make me happy but right now, I just can't think that way. No matter what good things happen.

[ThyroidJ in reply to Heruga]

O feel just like you, not sure if this helps. I have debts, no job a child, mortgage and I’m ill. I’m worrying if I’ll get better. My head just goes around and around. It is so hard I know

[Poodie in reply to ThyroidJ]

Hi thyroid J .

I am sorry you have so many problems. I know when I am Ill everything is sooo much worse ! Life is hard enough without being ill. So I do hope you can recover soon. And life is always harder with a little one to take care of.

When you feel a bit better can you consolidate your debts ? I don’t know much about this but I see it advertised on t v as a way to get out of debt.

You could make some calls or read up to research this. Also, you may be able to call a church or organization for help with your mortgage.

And can you go thru a job placement agency to find a job ? They will take their fee out of your pay, a little each paycheck so there is no upfront fee.

Maybe this is all too much right away, but if you feel up to it try to find some resources to help you. Firstly, make sure you are getting good care for your illness, and have faith you will get better. What you fear may never happen so try not to think the worse. No sense worrying about something that may not happen. I know that’s easier said then done.

Take care and post here.

[Poodie]

Hi Heruga.

I am sorry you feel so awful.

Don’t do it. Do you have a therapist ? Can you call him or her ? Some are very good and can help you understand part of these feelings. Also there are lots of good new meds out there which may help you feel better. Are you on any other meds ? Think of someone who you could call who will understand how you feel. Once you are feeling a bit better there may be one little thing you can decide to work on to make your life better.

I am sorry your friends betrayed you. That must be difficult. Do you know what precipitated your wanting to end your life ? Or maybe your meds are not the correct ones for you.

I am glad you do have family. Your family will be devastated if you do this. They will be sad forever ; their world will never be the same. And mostly do not give up on yourself. You may find something or someone wonderful in life that gives you a sense of purpose to live. We are here to help. Why

don ‘t you give this group a try and let people here support you too. It’s a good group.

You can talk about anything here , e g why you feel betrayed by your friends.

Just some suggestions. Most of us have felt the despair, lack of motivation and hopelessness you are feeling, either now or at some point in our lives.

Some of us struggle every day to get out of bed and just function, so we can usually understand how you feel. Depression is a tough disease to battle, but I do believe you can and hope you will fight it.

So call someone and please keep posting here to let us know how you are.