How do i pick my life back up?

[Sasic123]

I've dealt with depression for so long that I lost all motivation to do anything with my life. I dropped out of high-school, I cant keep a job, and I barely take care of myself, definitely not enough. I just don't have the will do do any of it. I've taken antidepressants, and been to multiple therapists, and nothing has changed. I've had serious pain in my back for a few years but haven't gotten the chance to get it checked out since turning 18. My parents never took either seriously and look where it led me. I want to fix all my problems and be happy but I've gone through a lot, (Parental Abuse, I wasn't fed often and that led to stealing money and food, Uncle, who became a fatherly figure committed suicide and best friend's mother, who became a motherly figure passed of cancer after a relapse, Cheated on 2 times from separate relationships, said best friend tried getting with my current partner) and I just don't want to bother with any of it anymore. However, the one thing I do care about is my current partner, and she wants me to get better, for myself and our relationship. So where do I even start?

[Agora1]

Hi Sasic123, I am so sorry you have had to go through so many physical and emotional

losses and hurt in your life. It's never too late to pick your life back up again, including

getting that GED. However, with all that's happened to you in the past, I would suggest

starting with the one positive in your life. And that is your current partner. She may be

just what you need to stand up and move forward once more.

It's not always about medications and therapy. Finding positive people in your life can

be very beneficial in allowing you to believe in yourself again. What's in the past cannot

be changed and dwelling on it only promotes depression. Look to the future but don't

worry about it or it will only cause you anxiety. Limit yourself to stay in the present

moment. Make a list of things you want to achieve in going forward.

Finding out who you really are is an important first step. Learning to love yourself before

you can give love to someone else is a healing process. I'm glad you are here with us so we

can support you through this important first step forward. Don't lose this opportunity.

It is awaiting your direction in taking control of your life. Life is Good and I think you will

see that shortly. Stay Positive, you can do this xx

[Sasic123 in reply to Agora1]

A big issue with that is that the problems are starting to affect my relationship

[Agora1 in reply to Sasic123]

Sasic123, "YogaLady2" gives you some good advice in that you have to start

with you first. Hanging onto someone else for dear life is going to put a strain

on any relationship. You first and then your partner. I wish you my best xx

[YogaLady2]

Thank you for sharing! I think a good place to start would be focusing on yourself. It can be hard to be fully available to your partner when you are going through so much. It’s ok to be selfish on your recovery journey and give yourself the space to grow and develop in the areas you need.

Maybe in your area you could get involved with a vocational assistance program (workforce commission etc.) to get you support in your job search. Often times depression can be used as a disability to qualify you for services for vocational support. After finding stable work/income, maybe you could find a way to address your childhood trauma with a trauma therapist. Some communities offer free trauma therapy if you can get connected with the right agency.

In my recovery journey, I wasn’t able to be a good partner to others because I was looking to my partner to be the parent I never had. Once I was able to address and process my trauma in therapy and by reading self-help books, I was able to engage more meaningfully with my partner. I was no longer being triggered emotionally by little things. And I learned how to set boundaries to keep me from getting hurt.

You can do this and sharing your story and getting support is a huge step toward meeting your goals. Reaching out for support is such a huge strength to be celebrated.