Comparing yourself

Why do I do it. I look at people and think that they have it so much more together than me. I think I've done so little if I could have been smarter, worked harder, not done this or done that. Look at where I am not working can't do anything for myself. I'm such a loser like why can't you be better. Why can't u be prettier or funnier or thinner or not such a actual failure. I'm so down today.

[Hidden]

You are not a "loser" because you're not working. A lot of us , most are out of work because of the Pandemic, on disability, lost houses because they can't pay their mortgage..etc..these folks are all special and have worth Iike the rest of us, including you my friend.

Oh let me tell you the grass is not ever greener across the street at the expensive house with happy "looking" people with fab cars, vacations, etc..

We never know what's going on behind closed doors. Sometimes those are the folks you hear about splitting up the week after, or who are bankrupt, cheating, etc.

Love who you are because you have a lot to offer...we all do.

You're in my thoughts and I'm here for you. ☺️🙏

[rothko]

I have this a lot and i feel like I end up in such a rabbit hole, digging myself deeper and deeper until I feel like I’m just stuck and buried. My therapist once commented that I like to compare the worst of myself to the best of everyone else.

Sometimes I find it helps to recognize who might be in a worse situation and to be grateful of the things I am and do have. Even silly things like oh well at least I didn’t get gum in my hair and have to give myself a weird haircut. Or grateful I don’t have pink eye today. Or I feel healthy and able enough to write something on this message board (every time I’m physically sick and in pain I always remember how much I take for granted).

And just remember, life isn’t set- it’s fluid. Anything can happen tomorrow and change things up. I’ve been rejected by companies and men but wasn’t always there.

The other thing is to try to tell yourself you are amazing you are enough. Because you are. It sounds so silly and even uncomfortable to say to yourself but say it often enough and you’ll start to believe it. Each and every one of us are miracles in our own way, fighting every day to stay alive. Give yourself some credit for going thru this crazy world and maybe we can also try and find some small gems every now and then because there is plenty of beauty too!

One last thing that has inspired me a lot lately are TikTok videos- so many people who don’t fit the traditional and wrong concept of beauty that are owning it. Confidence in oneself is beautiful.

I hope this message didn’t sound bossy by any means. I just want you to know that you’re not a loser and give you big hugs.

[Hidden in reply to rothko]

Thank you for your message. I do compare the worst of myself to the best of others that makes so much sense. I just feel like I'm useless waisting a life why can't I be better.

[Hidden]

Hello

When we are down we cannot see anything good about ourselves and no matter what every single human has some good qualities and that means you to

All these people that you seem to see and think they have it together or they are prettier you really don't know how they are feeling , they maybe just better at putting on an act that they are all these things because I can assure you those that look like they have it all together usually are the one's that are holding on to so much crap and I bet they wish they could be as honest and open about how they really feel like you can

You are you , it would be a boring world if we all looked the same or were the same it would be like robots walking around , you are unique there is only one of you and I hope you can learn to love who you are because I know even though I don't know you that you will have so many good qualities to offer

Stand tall with your head held high and remember you are as good as everyone else in your own special way

Take Care x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

thank you lulu. I just keep thinking like at my age I should be "further along in life" or "achieved more", like that what do I have to show for it attitude. Look at you your pathetic. No job no money what is wrong with you. Its such a vicious cycle so it is. Depression & anxiety rob you of who you are.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes anxiety and depression do rob you of who you are but look how strong we are dealing with it , no one knows how this feels and the strength it takes , I bet if they walked in our shoes for just one day they would soon give them back !

I am never sure why we beat ourselves up so much why we cannot accept anxiety / depression is something we did not ask for and give ourselves a break

If we had a physical illness you could see we would , this is no different

I adopt the attitude now that it is not what I want but what I have , I have a roof over my head , enough money to eat and pay the bills , not a lot but just about enough and when I look at the poor souls on the streets I feel grateful

A mansion and a bank full of money would be nice don't get me wrong but I will settle for what I have and when or if more comes my way that will be a bonus , if not it is ok

We are far from pathetic we are the one's that have more strength than the rest of them put together x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yeah I am so hard on myself all the time. Thinking why me. What have I done to deserve this. I beat myself up so much regarding it. Maybe I've not come to terms with it yet I'm not sure. I would not wish this on anyone and agree that. I am just so tired of struggling.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

If you can try and accept the struggle will be less

When I asked someone why me they said why not you !

I thought harsh

But then others with other illnesses will be thinking the same

But for now it is us with this and we have to be kind to ourselves like we would if anything else was wrong

Have a you day , buy a bar of chocolate or whatever you like , get a film on , chill out , have a bubble bath and just spoil yourself and try and believe you are worth it because you are , there are little things like I mention that don't cost a lot but can make you feel special x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yeah true if not me someone else so I suppose everyone has their own struggles. I just feel guilty a lot like "do I have the right to have depression" like there's people far worse than me. Why do I feel entitled to be depressed. I still don't understand it its very confusing. I still have a lot of shame and embarrassment also.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

There is no shame or embarrassment to this we did not choose to have this , it happened

I don't feel guilty , I feel annoyed if anything that I had to have MH problems but I have and so I have to try as hard as I can to get on with it and trust me I am having some dreadful days but I don't feel guilty , I feel sad if anything

I am not sure why you think do you have a right to have depression , I don't think any of us want it , I think this guilt and acceptance is at the root of a lot of how you are feeling and if you could only accept how you are it would be half the battle won

Try not to over think you will just make yourself feel worse , go with today however bad or good it is and at the end of the day know you did the best you could and whatever that may be that is good enough for you x

[Hidden]

Please don't compare yourself to others. You're not being fair to yourself by doing this. Take it from someone who used to do this in her teenage years. I looked up to the "popular" kids like nothing else, wanting so much to be like them. Well, do you know what I learned about those "popular" kids? I learned that they were probably just an insecure, if not more so, than I was! They just learned to hide it better. I understand we're not talking about teenagers here, but the concept remains the same throughout life. Look at it this way: you are unique and that is beautiful!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your message I know I've been doing it my whole life I've just never found a way to break the cycle.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

It's hard! How about this: every time you find yourself comparing, come up with an alternative thing to tell yourself. Our thoughts can frequently get away from us. The worst part about it? Our thoughts can't discern between what's truth and what isn't. The more we tell ourselves something (in your case, "I'm not good enough" or something similar), the more we believe it. Have you ever tried writing down affirmations? Or, a little trick my therapist taught me to help lift my spirits when I had no motivation to do anything productive: before bed, write down 3 things you did that day.

[Hidden]

I am yet to start therapy so I think right now everything is just up in the air and I tend to believe the negative as thats what I mostly tell myself. My head is just 1000 mils per hour and I just can't make sense of it all.

[Ilovepugs123]

I am going through the same thing you are, I have learned that if you keep comparing yourself to others its going to hurt you and its going to cause a lot of anxiety. Its going to take a while for someone to figure out there life, its okay if right now you don't have everything all together, people start out late in life. I am 23 years old and I don't have a job it is very hard for me to find a job but I am still young and I am still trying to figure everything out and for all those friends of yours who have it all, they might not have it all they might be struggling to but they are not showing it has its easy for them then anybody else kind of thing. You are not a failure. Highly recommend having a therapist they can help you with the struggles your going through, A therapist helps me a lot. If you ever need anyone to talk to please feel free to message me, you are not alone, I am going through the same things too.

[Hidden]

Thank you for your kind words. I am in the process of getting a therapist but it hasn't started yet. Was meant to start in April but due to COVID has been pushed back and pushed back. The waiting hasn't helped as I'm just in limbo at the moment.