Introduction : Hi. I am a 56 year old... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

47,832 members49,139 posts

Introduction

SongAndSoul
SongAndSoul

Hi. I am a 56 year old Female living in Southern California, U.S.A.

I am here to find safe people to be open and honest with, after mostly isolating for more than a decade.

I am a very empathetic person and hope that I can support others too.

I left a psychologically abusive man and moved into my own apartment 1 month ago.

I’m going to barely get by and I have health challenges too.

I was Trauma Bonded to a Narcissistically abusive man. It was hell.

I had a birthday in the 8th and I aim for this to be a year that I slowly build a strong “foundation” for a new life.

I’ve been living in a “reactive” state of being and I want to change that.

I have 2 beloved kids with fur. My dog and cat.

Pets love unconditionally.

I want to feel more trusting with the human species lol

64 Replies
oldestnewest

Congratulations on the new start. I admire you

Thank you! Nice to meet you. 😊

Tell me more about having the courage to leave

Honestly, I began to learn a lot about Narcissistic Abuse and I educated myself primarily through YouTube content.

There are very caring Therapists who give their time educating people about this insidious abuse that can(and does) destroy lives.

I would love to recommend 3 channels if you are interested.

Going “No Contact” is the only true way out of the Trauma Bond.

On average, it takes 7 tries to leave an abuser.

I can learn a lot from you

I’m here for you.

Message me anytime. 😊

Thank you. I’m grateful you’ve come to this forum

How are you doing?

I spent the last 3 days intensely grieving my abusive Ex.

It’s called a “Trauma Bond.”

Even though I’m grieving and I long for some version of him, I know that I am very lonely.

I don’t want him. I want the man I fell in love with. Empty words.

Hi SongAndSoul. I hope you are alright. I was wondering what are the three channels on YouTube re: narcissistic. All I get from people is man up and do something. But I have ptsd, was raised as a Christian, but feel unequally yoked with someone who just does not truly love me.

I’m happy to refer these channels.

Search: Dr. Ramani Trauma Bonding

Surviving Narcissism Dr. Les Carter

Dr. Todd Grande Trauma Bonding

Let me know if they help.

A Christian meditation I recommend is

Beatrix von Watzdorf

Thank you. I found so far for me the Dr. Todd Grande PTSD/C-PTSD is very informative for me. Just wanted to let you know. Appreciate the info. Hope you are feeling ok, even if you’re not, I understand. You’re ok, it’s just our feelings, our emotions that are bothersome. Often we label ourselves and think we are a bad person for feeling the way we do. For you to be so open and sharing shows to me that you are a good person and want to help others.

Cheers

FBH

I’m glad that you like Dr. Grande.

I want you to message me anytime, ok?

For any reason....I’ll be here for you.

I’m very thankful. However so depressed. Too many losses, my career, my health, family tragedy and so on. Fell in love with an angel and she ran off with a devil. So I’m lost.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to SongAndSoul

Thank you

Hi SongAndSoul, we are always looking for more empathetic people like yourself.

This is a safe site for you to come to and express your fears and concerns. I applaud

you for taking a big step forward in starting a new life.

Nothing comes easy in life but staying stuck is never the answer. You realized that

and knew you deserved more than what life was giving you. I'm glad you are here.

We are a virtual family of non judgmental friends who will stand by you as you go

forward. You are not alone anymore. :) xx

SongAndSoul
SongAndSoul in reply to Agora1

Thank you, I am happy to be here. 😊

Hello & Welcome :-)

All these Communities you will find you can open up and be safe knowing that no one judges and always someone will relate :-)

Well done in finding the strength to leave an abusive relationship despite your problems you have to deal with and if you did that then I have every faith the challenges that you may have to face you will succeed :-)

You have all these lovely people to come and talk to and even if we don't have all the answers we are very good at listening :-)

Take Care x

Thank you.

What a blessing and positive step finding this community has been. 😊

Pel3749
Pel3749 in reply to SongAndSoul

God Bless you and help you in your new positive life.This website is very helpful,welcome.👍💗

SongAndSoul
SongAndSoul in reply to Pel3749

Thank you & Bless you. 😇

I congratulate you, what you did is very inspiring. I wish my mom did the same thing many years ago. But she had to bare it because she have no work no money and no house. And this was the worst thing to happen for me and my siblings. I'm 23 now I'm the youngest girl, and I grew up cooped up on myself not opened to the society, not having the ability of good judgment and having the desire for being in a relationship with older women...

I understand but you have your whole life ahead of you.

If you have this awareness at 23, you can and you will change the pattern of getting into abusive relationships.

As the oldest of 4, I was “trained” to be a people pleaser and doubt my own feelings, thoughts and perceptions.

Your voice comes through as strong because you know what you don’t want.

Give yourself time to develop yourself.

Be gentle on yourself.

Many women are like your Mom.

I feel that my peak years were throwing pearls to swine, but I am proud of the esteem I had to finally get out.

Tasneem6
Tasneem6 in reply to SongAndSoul

This actually made me always underestimate myself, and I don't feel like I have any energy. My fights and bad life with my father made me loose my passion and energy, and made me hate men even more. I feel empty and powerless with no goal in my life. I need a real interaction with people around but I can't achieve it. But I'm sure some day everything will get better...

Welcome, your in the right place. We have a lot in common, I’m 65 years old from So California who also left an psychologically abusive marriage. It was 20 years ago, I left with my 3 kids that he was also verbally abusive to them too. We left with just clothes and we we’re homeless for several weeks. I Never looked Back. You can get though this, it’s going to take time. Look into counseling Write back 🙏😷

Hi. It’s so nice to meet you!

Your story is inspiring.

You are so courageous and you helped your children tremendously by showing them your strength to put value on yourself and them. 👍

Thank You, I don’t wish that on anyone. If I can do it anyone can, Save your family 🙏😷

Hello SongAndSoul

Already you have so many caring friends on Healthunlocked, well done for making the right move. We all care for each other here.

You have a long road ahead, just take you time, you must not rush, slowly feel your way. Rather like learning to swim or learning to ride a bike. It takes time, you must not give up.

The part of your story is about your two furries, they will always be there for you whatever time day or night you need a gentle cuddle. As you say they will never judge you.

Good luck, our prayers are with you!

SongAndSoul
SongAndSoul in reply to footgo

Thank you for such a warm welcome.

I appreciate you taking the time to share your kind thoughts. 🙏

Welcome, SongAndSoul. I think you are in the right place. Everyone I have replied to has had positive responses and I have had a lot of shared experiences when I post.

I am turning 50 this September. I am north of Chicago. I have been diagnosed with A&D since I was 20. I left a man who was self centered and did not believe the diagnosis.

I have some PTSD from being a teacher. My administrators were emotionally abusive. I gave them ever ounce of me to my job and those kids. No time was left for a relationship, so I have been alone since 1992. (Does that count as a born again virgin? HaHa)

At the end of March, a driver made an illegal left turn and I T-boned her. My car was totalled. I broke my sternum, both bones in the right arm, and my heel. I was isolated for 8 days in the hospital and 21 in nursing care. (No visitors due to C19).

It is ok to be alone.

It is great that you walked away from a bad relationship. I applaud you for that.

It is comforting to know you have caring kids.

Best wishes.

Drop in any time.

Hi!

Thank you for taking the time to encourage me and for sharing your current struggle.

Chronic pain and isolation due to Covid only makes Depression worse.

It’s ok to be a born again virgin!

My Mom divorced and never remarried.

She lives her simple life!

Relationships are hard work!

We are similar age. Tell me about how your courage to leave this man. Tell me how you found your courage. I admire you

I educated myself about Narcissistic abuse.

It doesn’t matter his diagnosis (label). The tactics Abusers use are all the same.

This was the first step I took - it helped me understand my family of origin and the man I was with.

Denial and fear are always going to be there.

An abusive relationship is TOXIC. You are metaphorically breathing toxic air that seeks to destroy you.

You need to leave. A Counselor can help you.

Hi there SongAndSoul, you sound very similar to me. Although I have not been an abusive relationship I do put alot of trust into people only to be left totally disillusioned and disappointed. I am the same age and I live in New Zealand. I have two married sons so I am it. I find myself very lonely now and looking for some real joy in my life. I hope that you and I can become friends. Take care and stay safe. X

Hi. Thank you for your encouragement and for introducing yourself.

I get lonely too.

Feel free to write anytime. 😊

Tell me how you approach times of loneliness. I need to learn.

I don’t do well in this area.

I just snuggle my pets and hope to get through it one day at a time.

Sounds like the start of a beautiful adventure.

Dogs and cats are amazing company. I know, I have both.

Most humans too. Perhaps they have more baggage than animals or find it harder than cats and dogs do to trust but I think if you can try to reach out you will find that we all have the need to belong and to be loved.

I send you my very best wishes.

Hi. Thank you your encouragement.

It’s always nice to meet a kindred spirit. ❤️

Congratulations and welcome to HealthUnlocked. Your story sounds so much like the life I lived for 32 years. I am 77 years old and have been living independently for 28 years. It is the hardest thing I have ever undertaken. Hard but so worth it. I don't remember the name of the movie about Tina Turner and her break from Ike, but there is a scene where she is getting ready for one of her performances, Ike shows up, looks at her and says something like, "You may be out of my life but you will never get me out of your head." So true!

I have been gone 28 years and the things you wrote about I also experienced. Although those traumas are still with me they don't drive my life as much they. I can for the most part recognize when my head is playing an old tape about me and my faults. I usually am able to ask myself why am treating myself like my abusers did. That usually will break the old tape playing in my head.

I hope you continue on your path of independence and succeed beyond your wildest dream. You will get there.

Hi. Thank you for sharing with me.

I admire you and it’s great to hear from someone who has gone through it.

You are so wise to ask yourself why you are treating yourself how your abusers treated you and to recognize it as an OLD tape. 👏

Please tell me about your courage to leave your bad relationship

Welcome and congratulations.

I very nearly left my wife for another woman who I discovered just in time, to be narcissistic, my congratulations are for having the strength to leave the relationship, I hope you find happiness from this day forward.

Hi. Thank you for the warm welcome and for sharing.

You saved yourself a lot of grief not leaving your wife for the excitement of the Narcissist.

Good luck to you. Please take the time to look deep down and understand who you are -- what are your values, what are your goals, etc. It will help with moving forward. Reach out here for support. You are not alone. God bless you. You are in my prayers.

SongAndSoul
SongAndSoul in reply to royho

Thank you so much and I will! 🙏

royho
royho in reply to SongAndSoul

Hi. Just checking in to see how you are doing. I'm also just getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship, and I know if you truly loved the person you can go through terrible withdrawal. It was horrible for me and it took weeks to get to somewhat normal. Please take care of yourself and continue to reach out here for support. I've found a couple of online groups in addition to this one. It really helps to know you are not alone.

SongAndSoul
SongAndSoul in reply to royho

Thank you for checking in.

I find myself missing my ex.

I loved him.

I remember the worst of the worst, like he stole from me, and then I can snap myself out of the longing to TEXT. I blocked him so he has no way of getting ahold of me.

It’s best this way because of the Trauma Bond I have with him.

I loved my Abuser. Nobody is a Monster.

However, we cannot allow ourselves to be abused in any way.

Life is too short already.

I am wishing the best for you.

If you feel comfortable, please message me the names of the other groups. 🌻

royho
royho in reply to SongAndSoul

I relate completely. It took all the nerve I had to block her on my end. The other groups that may be helpful are for people who are actually addicted to being in a relationship no matter how toxic it is. If you feel that's something you can relate to, there is SLAAFWS.org, SLAANY.org, and loveaddictsanonymous.net. Some have a questionnaire you can take to ask about your relationship and if you "fit" the description. Not saying you do, but they have been very helpful to me. I was with a "love avoidant" while I'm a "love addict." I didn't know those terms existed three weeks ago but they fit my ex and me to a tee. It gave me background to start letting go of her and knocking her off the pedestal I put her on.

Hi SongAndSoul,

I'm Bev, nice that you're here with us🤗👍🏽You're an inspiration to many! GOOD FOR YOU!!👍🏽❤

I used to live in Simi Valley., Ca. Have a great day and Welcome to dodgy lung buddies and other nice Forums!😁😊

Have a great day!

Hug, Bev xxx

Hi Bev! Thank you for the warm welcome and encouragement.

Curious: What is Dodgy Lung buddies? 😁

I know what you are going through, I believe. I have been going through a world wind relationship with myself for years. I have been in counseling for about 8 months now with a Fantastic Counselor. I am finding out lots about myself and it has been a true joy. I also live in Southern California. If you would like to have a friend who is real, I would love that also. I would like for us to get to know each other and maybe hangout... I could sure use a good friend.. Send me a message if you would like. I am 60 btw ♥

Hi. I would love to get to know each other.

I’m hopeful to be friends too!

Thank you for your offer of friendship, yes please let's chat. I will respond more as soon as I can.

Does your counselor help give you the strength to leave bad relationship.

My Councilor advises me . It is my choice of what I want to do... He can't give me anything but direction... He is pro marriage.. And thanks to his direction we are doing very well.... Hope this helps...

Hang in there!

SongAndSoul
SongAndSoul in reply to Joy2020

Thank you! 🌻

Your experiences and words bring me hope that I can be strong like you.

WE can together.

It took me half my life to get strong enough to leave someone I love because I realUsed I had to put worth on myself.

Message me anytime. 🌻

I read all the posts and I understand you miss this ex, but my goodness you respect yourself as all women need to be respected.

That gives me more courage.

Thank you.

I’m still trying to build the courage to leave a bad situation. Emotional abuse. My day dreams of a new life bring tears every day. I know in order to make change I need to stop crying and find courage. But I’m struggling to find my strength

Just keep trying! Never stop. You do deserve better!

Can you work with a Counselor or Therapist?

Hidden
Hidden

Good for you for breaking free!

You may also like...