In a freakin rut : Hi everyone on here... - Anxiety and Depre...

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In a freakin rut

Strongest123
Strongest123

Hi everyone on here. Just wanted to vent a bit. Been feeling pretty pretty down lately. I have OCD and severe depression and I’ve been pretty down the last few weeks. I do spend a lot of time just thinking. The usual what ifs. What if I didn’t have depression, or ocd. I do try and push myself as much as I can and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I break down and cry. I don’t like crying especially in front of my daughter cause then she starts to cry. I don’t want my little girl to suffer at all. She’s only 9 and I absolutely adore her. I do try and keep myself as busy as I can but sometimes my thoughts start to take over and I fall down that hole again. SAMSON

42 Replies
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I understand. I am always too hard on myself, try to be as compassionate with yourself as you are with your daughter. You are not alone.

Have you tried meditating

Strongest123
Strongest123 in reply to Sisqo

You know to be honest I’ve tried many times. I can’t seem to stick with it. My sister meditates twice a day, for years. I tried a few weeks ago, but the intrusive thoughts wouldn’t let me

Sisqo
Sisqo in reply to Strongest123

Try bike riding hitting a punching bag it speed bag try working out get the body tired

Sisqo
Sisqo in reply to Strongest123

I tried meditating it help some what but know it doesn’t so I switched it around in with going out more reading a books, calling talking to a friend and doing stop thinking

Strongest123
Strongest123 in reply to Sisqo

I do ride my bicycle. I actually rode today with my daughter. Just didn’t have the energy. I usually do but today I was tired. But I go riding often. I also weightlifter, been a weightlifter all my life. The one thing I’d love to do is swing a sledgehammer at a tire.

Sisqo
Sisqo in reply to Strongest123

Damn nice bro congratulations that’s cool just count the blessing and small victory’s brother

Try doing some self kindness meditation

Strongest123
Strongest123 in reply to Sisqo

Thank you for your support

I have a 12 year old and unfortunately I have cried many times in front of her. I’m aware that’s not good but I admit it happens. I try not to but my sadness is not always controllable. And despite her age, she totally gets me. Why are you feeling so down? For me it’s my marriage and my stressful job

Marshall64
Marshall64 in reply to Iammesues

I haven't cried in front of my daughter but I have been cold and distant. Someone suggested to tell her about my depression (she was 12 or 13, she is 14 now). She might not today understand it but I didn't want her to think that I didn't love her when I'm in these moods.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to Marshall64

So you told her?

Marshall64
Marshall64 in reply to Iammesues

Yes, I told her. It was important to me to let her know that I love her. Her mom is not in the picture so it is just the two of us. It bothered me that she might not think that she is loved.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to Marshall64

I understand.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to Marshall64

My daughter is fully aware she is my whole world. She always asks me how I am... and sometimes I just start to cry. When my husband is being mean to me and I close myself in the closet she checks on me. She’s my angel

To be honest I don’t know why I’ve gotten like this recently. I’ve had ocd and depression for quite sometime but it’s gotten worse, the depression in the last few weeks. It’s almost like any little thing gets to me. I try to focus on all the good in my life, but the depression gets me. For me mornings are the hardest. Getting out of bed is a struggle. But I know deep down inside that I must fight on, not just for me but for my little girl that I love so much.

I have been going through the same thing except for the OCD. I don't want to get out of bed either.

Continue on for your girl. Try to be in the moment. These years fly by and you don't want to miss them.

You’re most definitely not alone, these past few weeks I’m getting less and less sleep, I’m very irritable towards others and just catching myself breaking down. You’re not alone

My daughter is 2 years old... I can relate to your thoughts. I try instead of thinking, writing. It helps a lot; just write front, backwards & don’t read it just destroy it or trow it away. Be strong & your not alone.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to Jfb007

What do you write about? Is it helpful?

Jfb007
Jfb007 in reply to Iammesues

I write about my day, what I’m thinking, problems... basically everything that comes in to mind; fear, sadness... just let it all out on your writing.

Jfb007
Jfb007 in reply to Jfb007

And yes, it’s helpful; my psychologist suggested to my mom for deep depression & told me about it. For me it helps, tried out.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to Jfb007

Doesn’t that add to your sadness? To recount a sad day?

Jfb007
Jfb007 in reply to Iammesues

No, it doesn’t make me feel sad; it kind of relieves my sadness and makes me realize to move forward and leave it behind. It’s like finally speaking out and letting everything out and it shuts that chapter.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to Jfb007

Honestly I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle the recap of my own sadness of the day. I admire your strength

Jfb007
Jfb007 in reply to Iammesues

You know.... when I was 18 my mom suicide herself and writing was my relieve, and I can’t deny I’m thankful for closing that chapter.

When you feel that you are ready go ahead and write so you can be able to close that chapter as well. Be strong & remember you are not alone.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to Jfb007

Lack of strength, weakness of self motivation is my most significant challenge. I am professionally successful and personally unsuccessful. An odd combination

Jfb007
Jfb007 in reply to Iammesues

Don’t beat yourself that way... your awesome & an awesome dad. Don’t put yourself down because your the only one who can push yourself to be better everyday. I know you can do it & I know you will.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to Jfb007

Thank you for your words. My family is not aware of my struggles

Jfb007
Jfb007 in reply to Iammesues

I don’t judge... my family was not aware nether when I was deep in the hole alone. It took time but then I talked about my problem to them... time is your friend & you know when you are prepare to talk.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to Jfb007

My family does not have the listening skills to hear me. But it’s helpful that I’m aware of this and I act in respect of this limitation. I do know people with lovely families and I see that can be a special gift.

Your statement fits me perfectly....I am professionally successful and personally unsuccessful too!

Why do you think our strengths are so unbalanced towards our profession?

For me, I guess I do things that I "have to" do. Somehow my OCD changes the rules for things that I want to do. A responsibility thing maybe? Would be horrible if something bad happened to a family member because I went out and had a good time....whereas it would only be an accident if I was only doing what I was supposed to be doing. Does that make sense? More from contamination OCD perspective.

Yes I’m with you on the morning challenge, although at nite my mind races and is consumed by sadness. Maybe it’s my disappointment with the day just experienced

I completely understand. When I get into the low periods it's hard to see any light. It's good that you're keeping busy at least that's a really important to move. Have you ever looked into mindfulness? After being on this journey for so long I'm looking into taking a intensive course to help train my brain to cope with those thoughts

Im going to definitely look into that. I’ve bought a few books of mindfulness but I think taking a course would be more beneficial.

Hi sorry your thoughts are getting you down I've had similar times I try to distract by getting absorbed in comedy programmes or try some dance lively music dance with your daughter sing instead of thinking, I know it's hard but a teqhnigue you could try deep breath on the count to 4 hold for 7 big puff out the counting distracts keep doing it, also I find listening to a catch tune even when it's turned off can stick in your mind our brains never stop so best we can do is have none negative stuff hope this helps take care x

It took my wife ten year to find the right doctor who prescribe the right medications. Don’t stop looking if you haven’t found the right mix. It is very hit or miss.

And don’t forget, these are tough times for everyone which is all the worse if you have this underlying condition. Maybe give yourself a little more slack than usual.

Hi Strongest123, this is something that I’ve only been doing for about a week, but it has been helpful for my anxiety & has become a form of meditation. One day I took a ride in my car & noticed the wind blowing the tree branches, not to strong....but the branches were moving. I started to think about the trees height (how they were all different, some were straight, others crooked......it kept my mind focused and busy.....all my anxiety was gone. I felt happy to have “noticed” the trees and to be curious. Today I counted mailboxes (I live in the country and they are placed on the side of the road)....I counted 89! Now I imagined what kind of mail each resident received, from happy (wedding invitations and Christmas cards) to unhappy (bills and bank statements telling you about insufficient funds, etc)

This kept me busy too & made me aware of mailboxes.

I’ve been meditating for a few weeks now & I think I’m becoming more ‘aware’ of everyday living.

Maybe this might be of help. I wish you success.

Strongest123
Strongest123 in reply to McK456

Thank you. I really do appreciate all your help. I’m going to definitely try and do that starting today. I’ve tried meditation at home but I’ve never stuck with it. I also just started playing chess and when I’m playing I feel so much better. SAMSON

Wow I’m new at this, I’ve been dealing with anxiety lately and I’m trying to become familiar on how to manage such anxiety and what to do to not have these anxiety feelings that all end up in my stomach making it really hard to concentrate or even deal with what if there is something wrong with my stomach - my daughter is only 6 years old and I try my best to not show any of these anxiety : panic attacks around her - I didn’t know how many people are and continue to deal with anxiety / depression or panic attacks -

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