Two of a kind

[raphnn]

In the past month I lost two close family members, my two aunts Pam and Holly. Pam died first, I didn’t know her so well because she had just immigrated here. But Holly was like a mom to me and took care of me when I was a baby. They were both my mother’s sisters, Pam died first and Holly died two weeks after. When Pam died I was in shock, but I couldn’t bring myself to cry. I was sad though. The way she died was unfortunate. She died of high blood pressure because her kids and husband abused her. I wanted to be at the funeral, but I was in quarantine and social distancing was still going on. Also they live in another state. I talked to Holly about Pam’s death and it seems she didn’t have a clue about it. My father told me that I shouldn’t have told her but honestly I didn’t know. I talked to Holly from time to time to check up on her and two weeks after Pam’s death Holly died. I couldn’t believe it. She was the oldest out of the ten siblings, but she was the healthiest. She was well put together and I could bet that if anyone out of my mom’s nine siblings would outlive us it would be Holly. The day she died was such a weird day for me, I felt really down and wanted to be alone, but my cousin called me around 7 pm and with her voice I knew it was something bad. When she told be the news tears streamed down my face and I was crying. I didn’t want to think about losing an aunt I really loved. An aunt who would made jokes, shopped together and talked to. She loved to tell me stories about my mom and how great she was. She was always happy and able to see the good side to things. I cried and cried. This went on for weeks. I couldn’t soothe my pain. I couldn’t even go to her funeral either for the same reasons as Pam but I was able to watch it on Zoom. I went through this I told my boyfriend and my 2 best friends but I haven’t told my friends yet. Some of my friends haven’t been keeping contact so I don’t know what to say to them. It was a hard time for me and I spent it catching up with my family members. I really wanted to have friends to support me as well but I that wasn’t possible. Now that I’m at peace with it when we talk should I bring it up or not tell them?

[crowningglory19]

It's so hard to lose loved ones and sometimes we put a guilt on ourselves that is wrong and unnecessary, wishing we could have known or done more, and that prevents healing. You have to let go of that to go thru the stages of grieving and move towards healing. Yes, it's good to talk with friends especially those who are encouraging and helping but maybe not to those who can make matters worse by saying the wrong thing. Give grace to yourself and time, cause it does take time. <3 Some things that might help you in this time of stress are taking magnesium and ginseng since they calm the mind body and spirit and help you let go of sticky negative thoughts that loop. Do all of this on your own time and in your own terms, you get to decide who you share with and when. Breathe deep and rest, relax your shoulders and release tension. Taking walks while working thru these feelings is good too. Also, art is healing and doing something in their name whether it's volunteering or donating is part of honoring them and letting go. <3